Week 12 Roundup

So --- welcome to possibly the most boring week 13 in league history.  Here are the only playoff scenarios worth discussing:

Grahams, AirMatt, Ninjas: Grahams clinch the #1 seed (and a first-round bye) with a win.  They also clinch a first-round bye with a loss if either of the other teams also lose.  AirMatt also clinches a bye with a win, or with a loss and a Ninjas loss.  And he can clinch the #1 seed with a win and a Grahams loss.  And so, logically, the Ninjas need a win and a loss for one of the other teams to clinch a first-round bye.

And again --- THREE 10-2 teams?  Are you kidding me?!?  No other team is above .500, just because the three of us have scooped up all of the wins!

Marauders, Harbaughs, Apparent, River Horses, Crusaders: River Horses and Crusaders are each out with a loss, and even with a win they need help.  Marauders, Harbaughs and Air Apparent are all in with a win, and may still make it with a loss.

Thanks to the Kubicek rule, the possible permutations of various win/loss scenarios are too many to contemplate, so I won't.

Suspended Atomnation, Los Diablos, Screaming Eagles: Okay, I think I got this.

If Los Diablos beat Screaming Eagles, then Screaming Eagles get a bye to the bottom four with Levi.

If Screaming Eagles beat Los Diablos AND Adam beats Matt (oh please, Adam, beat Matt!), then the #11 seed is determined as follows.  If Screaming Eagles win by MORE than 36.9 points, then Los Diablos are the #11 seed.  This is the outcome I'm hoping for, because it would mean that Kubicek gets the #11 seed hoist upon him by his own stupid petard of a rule change.  If Screaming Eagles win by 36.9 points or less, then Screaming Eagles are the #11 seed.

And finally, if Screaming Eagles beat Los Diablos AND Adam loses, then Adam takes the #11 seed.

Leviathans: Have earned the #12 seed, no matter what happens.

Week 11 Roundup

105 POINTS!!!

Talk about excitement!  The third-highest scoring game in NFL history!  The only game in NFL history where both teams scored more than 50!  Long bombs!  Defensive scores!  Lead changes!  It doesn't get any better than this!

The adrenaline-fueled excitement of Rams-Chiefs stands in stark contrast to the recent activity in the TTFFL, where it's been clear for about 6 weeks now that the title will be going to either the Grahams, AirMatt, or Ninjas, and we've all just been checking Facebook on our phones waiting for ESPN to tell us which one it is.

(And let's be honest, it SHOULD go to the Ninjas, who haven't won a title since 2013.  Or something like that).

I guess there's still some suspense about the final three playoff spots, but not much, and in any case I'm not one of them, so I can't be expected to care about it, can I?

Oh, all right.  Here's some stuff.

1. Golden Grahams (10-1): Finishes the season against two bottom-tier teams, Adam and the Orion River Horses.  Of course, Adam has shown a freakish ability to break 120 points despite losing routinely --- and let's face it, this is Kevin we're talking about, so a 10-3 finish to the season is almost guaranteed.
2. ~ AirMatt ~ (9-2): Finishes up against LITERALLY the two bottom teams in the league, and so is likely to win out and finish the season at 11-2.  And since he won his matchup with me, he'll get the top seed, no matter how many points he has to finish the season (thanks, Kubicek).
3. Psychotic Ninjas (9-2): Actually has to play two teams with a combined 11-11 record, and it seems that I never get to have nice things, so I have every confidence that I'll score the second-most points each of the remaining weeks and grab the 3 seed, so I'll have more opportunities to lose in the playoffs.
4. Merrill (6-5): Now things finally get interesting.  Under the old system, Merrill would pretty much have a playoff spot sewn up, since he has significantly more points than any of the 4-7 teams.  But thanks to Kubicek's rule change, and Merrill's week 7 loss to Jason, there's still a slim chance he could screw this up.
5. Team Harbaughs (6-5): Same story here.  Jody could still miss the playoffs thanks to Kubicek's rule change, given his week 2 loss to Kapernick's Crusaders.  Even better, Merrill and Jody play each other in week 13, increasing the chances that one of them will finish the season at 6-7.  Moral: Blame Kubicek.
6. Air Apparent (5-6): Taylor has now slid into his trademark late-season fade, losing four straight after going 5-2 to start the season.  I could actually see a 5-8 team making the playoffs this year, what with the Grahams, AirMatt and Ninjas scooping up all the wins, and it would be hilarious to see Taylor grab the 6 seed after finishing the regular season on a 6-game losing streak.
7. Orion River Horses, Los Diablos, Kapernick's Crusaders, Screaming Eagles (4-7): The permutations among these six teams are almost endless, and probably irrelevant if Taylor manages to win a game.  But we probably don't need to worry about that.
8. Suspended Atomnation (3-8): Gets a special mention for winning only three games despite scoring the fourth-most points in the league.  Point totals are a funny thing.  If Adam had managed to average just 3.5 more points per game, he would have more points than our current #1 seed.  Also, if you subtract his two highest scores --- good for 246 points --- he would STILL have more points than the last-place Leviathans.  I guess the only good news for Adam is that it's very unlikely he ends up with a new team name next year, and he MAY even grab the top draft pick in 2019.
9. Leviathans (2-9): Fewest points scored.  Most points against.  The lone ray of sunshine in an otherwise abysmal Leviathans season is his week 3 win over Merrill.  Which, I'm sure we can all agree, is cause for celebration.  And personally, I wouldn't shed a tear if he somehow managed to score the upset over Matt this weekend.

Week 8 Roundup

What, you expected regular updates or something?  I been busy, man.

Anyway, let's see what's happening in the league this year ---

• It's official!  In just his second season in the league, ~Mex (8-0) has set a league record for most consecutive wins to start the season.  If he beats Kevin this week, he will clinch a playoff spot, open up a 2-game lead for first place, and match the record of longest winning streak ever --- set back in 2012 by some team called the Psychotic Ninjas (remember that season?  I'll never forget it.  I went 0-5 to start the season, won the final 9 games to grab the #1 seed, and promptly lost both playoff games to finish the season out of the money.  Good times).
• Golden Grahams (7-1) are actually fielding a competitive team this year, which begs the obvious question: Who are you, and what have you done with Kevin?  But seriously, I'm rooting for Kevin to whoop up on Matt this week, partly because I want to keep the record for league's longest win streak, but mostly because I just enjoy it when Matt loses.
• Psychotic Ninjas (6-2) I had to play Matt last week without my QB or my RB1.  Insert complaining noises here.
• Air Apparent (5-3) Hands up, everyone who would have predicted back in August that a team starting James Conner, Phillip Lindsay, Chris Godwin, Josh Gordon and Kenny Golladay would have a winning record.  Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?
• Merrill's Marauders (4-4) Hands up, everyone who would have predicted back in August that a team with DeShaun Watson, Leonard Fournette, Joe Mixon, Odell Beckham, Stefon Diggs and Keenan Allen would be struggling to break .500.  Anyone?  Anyone?  And how in hell did we let Merrill get this much talent on his roster, anyway?  We all suck at drafting.
• Kapernick's Crusaders! (4-4) Aaron Rodgers, Chris Carson and Demaryius Thomas all have the potential to be top players at their positions the back half of the season, making the Crusaders a possible dark horse down the line.  Especially Thomas.  DeShaun Watson is a bit of an upgrade over Case Keenum, ya think?
• Orion River Horses (3-5) Hands up, everyone who would have predicted back in August that a team with Russell Wilson, Jordan Howard, Ezekiel Elliott, Mike Evans, the Vikings DST and Justin Tucker would be 3-5.  No, keep 'em up, I want to get a good count.
• Team Harbaughs (3-5) The bad news: Jody has lost 4 of his last 5 games.  The good news: He's playing the Trumbores in back-to-back weeks!  That's always a good cure for what ails ya!
• Screaming Eagles (3-5) The good news: Jason has Kareem Hunt, got an unexpected bargain with Adrian Peterson, and has fantasy's #1 kicker, Stephen Gostkowski!  The bad news: For some reason, he's still rostering Ryan Grant, DeVante Parker, Josh Doctson, and Devonta Freeman, who went on IR three weeks ago.  Interesting strategy.
• Los Diablos (3-5) Have had one winning season since they claimed the title back in 2014, and are once again mired in mediocrity.  Looking over the misery that is his roster, I see Kirk Cousins, Antonio Brown, Michael Thomas --- and a whole lot of players who easily rank in the top 30 (or 40) at their positions.
• Suspended Atomnation (1-7) It's not surprising Adam has two fewer wins than Kubicek, given that his roster is even more devoid of talent.  Matt Ryan and Alvin Kamara are the only quality players he has, and I've heard they're both demanding a trade.  It would appear that the major mistake Adam made was to score more than 20% of his points for the season in week 4, when he put up 126 points to notch his only win.
• Leviathans (1-7) Last year, Levi pulled of an impressive worst-to-first turnaround to claim the title.  Not content to rest on his laurels, he seems intent on on being the first team in TTFFL history to pull off the mythical worst-to-first-to-worst triple axel.  Dalvin Cook, Delanie Walker, Jamison Crowder and Greg Zuerlein are only too happy to help.

~Mex, Kevin and YEC would have to struggle mightily to avoid the playoffs at this point, while Adam and Levi would need to pay someone a lot of money to make it in (send me a private email, guys).  So the real excitement these last five weeks will be seeing which of the teams between Taylor and Kubicek manage to claim the final three playoff spots.

Good luck guys.  Except not any week when you happen to be playing me, obviously.