Welcome to the 2014 Fantasy Season!!!

That's right.  There are four of them.  As in, four titles.

Seven years in the league.  Six playoff appearances.  Four titles.  I'm a little surprised you guys aren't sick of losing to me.

But since you're not, it's time to get ready for the 2014 Trash-Talking Fantasy Football League Season!!!

Fortunately, there's not a lot of discussion which needs to go on.  We have already settled on Wednesday, September 3 at 9:30 PM Eastern time for our draft, so there's no need to discuss that.  The draft order is available here, along with the 2013 accounting totals, which means that 2014 league dues are as follows:

• Taylor: $30
• Merrill: $35
• Kevin: $37.50
• Levi: $45
• Nick: $52.50
• Adam and Jason: Not a damn thing!
• Everyone else: The usual $60.

Dues can be submitted to the usual address:

David Bailey
4304 Lexington Pointe Parkway
Eagan, MN 55123

The biggest concern is for anyone who will not be participating in the fun and games this season.  If you fall into that category, I need to know ASAP so I can find a replacement owner (and if I owe you money, you need to tell me where to send it).  Otherwise, the only action you need to take at this time is to let the league know about any rule changes you might want to put up for a vote before draft day.  If you DO have rule changes to suggest, please notify the league ASAP so we can put them to a vote.

I'll send out a 2014 League Manifesto as soon as I can, probably tomorrow (hey, it's not like anyone reads it, amirite?)

Prediction Time

I just want to get this on the record ASAP --- I plan to update this post with an appropriate photo in a few weeks, but ---

Here's my fearless long-range forecast.  In February 2018, the mighty Minnesota Vikings will make history as the first team to win a Super Bowl in their home stadium.

Also, the Super Bowl LII MVP will be none other than Teddy Bridgewater, the Vikings' second first-round draft pick this year.

And Adrian Peterson will not play in the game.

The only remaining question is: What will everyone in the league give me when my prediction is proven correct?  Other than the mad props I so richly deserve?

Picking the Rams' Schedule

In case you haven't heard, the St. Louis Rams are giving away $100,000 to anyone who correctly predicts their schedule for the 2014 season.  Deadline for submission is 4:59:59 PM on Monday, April 21, full details available here.

Since I am a kind an benevolent TTFFL Overlord, I have decided not only to pass along this path to riches for all league members, but also to provide my analysis of what the Rams' schedule might be, so as to provide possible guidelines for anyone else who might want to participate in the contest.  Here are things we know absolutely for certain:

1. The Rams will host games against the following opponents: The Cardinals, 49ers, Seahawks, Cowboys, Giants, Vikings, Broncos and Raiders.
2. The Rams play away games against the following opponents: The Cardinals, 49ers, Seahawks, Eagles, Redskins, Buccaneers, Chiefs and Chargers.
3. The Rams will NOT play the Raiders in week 4, because the Raiders play the Dolphins in London that week.
4. Similarly, the Rams will NOT play the Cowboys in week 10, because the Cowboys play the Jaguars in London that week.
5. The Rams will NOT play the Cowboys in week 13 (Thanksgiving week), because the Cowboys are scheduled to host a Thanksgiving Day game, and we know that the Rams will play the Cowboys at home (item 1).
6. Whenever the Rams play at the 49ers new Levis stadium, that game will be on a Sunday.

Those are all the facts I've been able to uncover about the Rams' schedule.  What follows are some educated guesses about what is likely to happen.

1. As the defending Super Bowl champions, the Seattle Seahawks will play the first game of the season in prime time on Thursday, September 4.  This game will be a marquee matchup against a high-profile opponent --- and so it almost certainly will NOT be the Rams (FWIW, I predict it will be the Packers).
2. I expect the Raiders and Cowboys to both have their bye week following their London game, which means the Rams will NOT play the Raiders in week 5, and will NOT play the Cowboys in week 11.
3. Weeks 9, 10, 11 and 12 of the NFL season occur during fall 'sweeps week' for the Nielsens, and as such, the NFL will want to schedule as many high-profile games as possible during those four weeks.  Since no game featuring the Rams qualifies as a marquee matchup, I expect the Rams will have their bye during one of these weeks.
4. For the same reason, I expect that the high-profile teams on the Rams schedule will all play during weeks 9 - 12, and none of them will play the Rams during those weeks.  This means the Rams will NOT play the Seahawks, 49ers or Broncos during those weeks.
5. Finally, the NFL has gotten in the habit of scheduling all divisional games in week 17, since that tends to lead to a lot of good late-season matchups with playoff implications.  Since the 49ers and Seahawks are likely to be contending for the NFC West crown, that means the Rams will play the Cardinals in week 17.
6. Oh yes, one last thing.  In the name of fairness, the NFL typically does not schedule Thursday or Monday night games in week 17 (don't want the playoff teams to start off on a short or long week), which means the Rams' week 17 matchup against the Cardinals will occur on a Sunday.
7. And one other, really last, final thing (which probably goes without saying, but . . .).  Although the NFL has been known to schedule two games against the same opponent two weeks apart (e.g. the Rams play the 49ers in week 4 AND 6), they have never, ever, to my knowledge, scheduled two teams to play each other twice in consecutive weeks.

So . . . there 's some hard research, along with some educated guesses, which one can use to fill out a reasonable entry into the Rams scheduling sweepstakes.  It might also provide fodder for ridicule and/or boasting depending on how many of my educated guesses hit the mark, but despite the league's name, I've learned that really not a lot of trash talk goes on.

2013 Wrap-up

Sorry folks.  It seems I just don't have the time to do a thorough, team-by-team year in review for 2013 like I've done in the past.  On the plus side, that should also curtail the amount of gloating I do about my fourth league title in seven years ---

OR SO YOU MIGHT THINK!!!  NINJAS RULE!!!  BOOYAH!!!

Well, anyway, I still owe some money to some of you guys.  From the previous post, the totals are:

• Adam: $180 - $120 mailed 02/17/2014, remaining $60 pays 2014 league dues.
• Jason: $120
• Taylor: $30
• Kevin: $22.50
• Levi: $15
• Nick: $7.50
• Merrill: $25 (carryover from money he won in Battlin' Sweethearts)

I'm perfectly happy to apply all of this money as credit toward 2014 entry fees --- even for Jason, since he has $110 in league dues next year spread between TTFFL and Battlin' Sweethearts.

But Adam, I need an address for you so I can send you either $180 or $120.  Your choice.

I'll let this post serve as the official record of 2013 league accounting, and update it as necessary as I mail checks to people.  If I don't hear from you, your winnings will be credited to 2014.

Finally, under the rules for draft order which some idiot proposed, this is the draft order for 2014:

1. Rock-n-it Datarocknators (really?!?)
2. Golden Graham's
3. Merrill's Marauders (Merrill!)
4. Leviathans
5. Los Diablos
6. Orion River Horses --- despite only scoring 12 points in his final game of the season.
7. Strike Team
8. Jody's team --- to be named later
9. Air Apparent
10. Screaming Eagles
11. Suspended Atomnation
12. Psychotic Ninjas

I'll end this by noting that Aaron had to draft from the 12 hole in 2013 after winning the title in 2012, and look how well that ended up for him.  I must say, I'm not too optimistic about my chances of a SECOND straight title, never mind three in a row (good times, good times) with this draft order.  But it was my brilliant idea to set things up this way, so I guess I'll just have to live with it.

Get ready for some heavy-duty gloating if I take the title again next year!

Accounting

No blather today, just a breakdown of 2013 accounting.  First, a listing of who gets money for weekly wins:

Screaming Eagles: Weeks 1, 3, 7, 16
Rock-n-it Datarocknators: Week 2 (split with Golden Graham's)
Golden Graham's: Week 2 (split with Rock-n-it Datarocknators), week 11
Suspended Atomnation: Weeks 4, 5, 8, 15
Leviathans: Week 6
Air Apparent: Weeks 9, 10
Psychotic Ninjas: Weeks 12, 13, 14

Next, the payouts for the top finishers:

League Champion: Psychotic Ninjas, $300
2nd Place: Suspended Atomnation, $120
3rd Place: Screaming Eagles, $60

So total payouts are:

Psychotic Ninjas: $300 + $45 = $345
Suspended Atomnation: $120 + $60 = $180
Screaming Eagles: $60 + $60 = $120
Air Apparent: $30
Golden Grahams: $22.50
Leviathans: $15
Rock-n-it Datarocknators: $7.50
Little Choo Choo, Los Diablos, Merrill's Marauders, Orion River Horses, Strike Team: Not a damn thing.

If anyone sees an error in this accounting, speak up.  Also, I'm going to assume that everyone who won something wants their winnings applied to 2014 season dues.  If this is incorrect, please provide a mailing address so I can send you a check.

Also Adam and Jason, since your winnings exceed the amount of league dues, I'll need to send you a check for the extra amount, if not the whole thing (Jason, if you want to apply your extra $60 to Battlin' Sweethearts dues for 2014, I can hold the extra $10 for you if you want).

Ninja!!!

The Ninjas resume their rightful place at the top of the TTFFL

Well, it's certainly taken long enough, but the Ninjas finally got it right, claiming their fourth TTFFL title in seven years, after a convincing 77-64 victory over Suspended Atomnation in the championship game.  It looked like the Ninjas might be in trouble in the early going, as Adam once held a 24-17 lead and still had 7 players remaining against the Ninjas' 5.  But of course in the end, might and right prevailed.

I think I finally have it figured out, guys, and all of you should be scared.  Clearly the pattern here is that my league titles run on a three-years-on, three-years-off schedule.  So get ready, everyone.  No one else is going to get another serious shot at the title until 2016.

I do want to thank Adam for taking Jason out in the semifinals, otherwise the result this year would have been much different.  Sorry for that, Taylor.  This is without a doubt your finest close-but-no-cigar moment.  But hey, at least you get the ninth pick in the draft next year!

Speaking of drafting and such, poor Jody is going to get stuck with another loser name an avatar next year.  I wonder what it will be?  Kevin, I'm open to suggestions.

And as long as we're discussing the loser's bracket, I have to ask: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO PETE!?!  I mean, it's one thing to lose --- or even to put up a low point total for a given week.  But if you take away the seven points tallied by Kirk Cousins against the Cowboys defense --- arguably the worst defense in the league --- Pete only got FIVE points this weekend.

I don't know whether his 12-point total is a record for fewest points scored in a week, but it has to be close.  The scary part is, I'm pretty sure Pete actually tried to field a competitive team (except for playing Wes Welker, who was out with a concussion).  Taylor?  Anyone?  Does anyone know whether Pete managed to set a new standard for pathetic?

Anyway, I will be posting the usual end-of-year nonsense when I'm good and ready.  Until then, I want to wish everyone happy holidays and a Happy New Year.  In particular, I want leave my title-game opponent Adam with this heartfelt Christmas-themed message:

Championship Week Update

FINALLY!!

It took way too long --- four years, to be precise --- but the Ninjas are finally back in the finals, where they belong.

Taylor has been talking up my team for weeks, in what I'm convinced is an effort to double-reverse-jinx me.  Obviously it didn't work last week, though in the early going it sure looked like it would work.  And at the risk of angering the fantasy gods during championship week, I have to agree that Taylor is right.  Looking at my lineup for this week, I noticed something I've never noticed before:

All of my starters are top 10 at their position for the season.  Hell, five of them are in the top five.  If I DON'T win this championship (and I may well not --- Jamaal Charles may score another dozen or so touchdowns for Adam), then I deserve to be ridiculed mercilessly.

Taylor will play the mighty Screaming Eagles, led by Peyton Manning, for third place.  Kevin may actually claim the #1 draft pick next year if he can win his matchup with Nick --- so probably he'll have to settle for drafting second.  Merrill squares off against Levi for the #3 pick, and somehow Kubicek managed to avoid last place.  He will wage a final battle of Oakland University with his colleague Pete to determine who gets the #5 pick.

I really am disappointed that Kubicek won't finish last, especially since I have a shot at the title.  I was planning to name his team The Dozing Turkeys next year to commemorate his draft fiasco.  Ah well.

Instead, Adam or I will get to assign a name to Aaron's team or Jody's, as they battle for the #7 pick in next year's draft.  In an interesting ironic twist, Jody will have the chance to exact some measure of revenge on Aaron who, as last year's champion, saddled Jody with the Little Choo Choo moniker.

Good luck next week, Adam!  Y'all had better hope Adam beats me this week, because you know I win titles in bunches!  If he lets me get started, it might be 2016 before someone else gets a shot!

Yes, There Will be Gloating

YEAH, BABY!!!  THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' 'BOUT!!!

My season started with Jason absolutely spanking me in week 1, when Peyton Manning had his historic 7-touchdown performance and I lost 112-76.

13 weeks later, I repaid the favor when I beat Jason 96-88, despite Peyton having another strong game.  And along the way, I finally caught up with and passed Jason to grab the #1 playoff seed AND the lead in overall points scored.

I think we all remember how well that worked out for me last year.

Jason, obviously, goes into the playoffs as the #2 seed, and with Peyton on his team, he's going to be dangerous any week.  So do me a favor and knock him off for me this week, will you Adam?

For his part, Adam made the final week of the regular season more interesting than it needed to be by letting Los Diablos hang around for a while before getting the win.  Since Taylor fell to the Rock-n-it Datarocknators, Adam needed that win in order grab a playoff spot.  And since Taylor did lose, the playoff spot Adam got was the #3.

Taylor has already written to inform me that he's not excited about having to face me in the first round of the playoffs, and I've assured him that the feeling is mutual.  Sure, my team has performed well lately, and I have the #1 seed, but as I've said many times this season, success doesn't last long in this league.

At least the playoff matchups should be interesting.

I won't discuss much about the consolation brackets at this point, other than to make the following observation.  In the BOTTOM bracket, we have 2010 TTFFL champion Jody (Little Choo Choo), the 2011 TTFFL champion Pete (Orion River Horses), 2012 TTFFL champion Aaron (Strike Team) and 2013 TTFFL screwup Kubicek (Los Diablos) all struggling to avoid last place.  So Jason, Adam and Taylor, maybe you guys don't *want* to win the title, because it seems that winning the title just guarantees future mediocrity.

Or maybe you guys just want to bench all your starters and let ME win the title, thus guaranteeing MY future mediocrity?  Just a suggestion.

(P. S. This really has been an amazing year of fantasy football for me personally, and not just in TTFFL.  If for some reason you're interested in reading more of my gloating, look here).

This One's for Me

Sorry to do this to you, guys, but this is just too good.  I'm nearing the end of what is already a historic fantasy season --- obviously, it has potential to get even better --- and I want to record it for posterity.  And since you guys are my first league, I'm posting it here.

It's not like most of you read my ramblings, anyway.

The short version is: I'm competing in four leagues this year, and after 14 weeks I'm leading ALL of them in total points scored:

TTFFL:

Prism United:

12 Angry Men:

Battlin' Sweethearts:

Okay, um, I don't have a screen shot of this one, because Battlin' Sweethearts plays a 13-week regular season, ESPN stops tracking total points scored at the end of the regular season, and my point total didn't surpass Merrill's until week 14.  But I really am ahead now, by a margin of 1854 to 1829.

I'm also in the playoffs in all four leagues, which isn't surprising until you consider that there isn't always a strong correlation between scoring lots of points and playoff berths (*cough* Taylor *cough*).  I nabbed the #1 seed in both TTFFL and Battlin' Sweethearts, but in the other two leagues I just barely made it in by the skin of my teeth.  In fact, I didn't even manage to win more games than I lost in either league.

In both Prism United and 12 Angry Men, I lost my first four games right out of the gate.  This is particularly surprising considering that both of these teams are anchored by LeSean McCoy and Jimmy Graham.

In Prism United, I started 0-4 and was 2-6 after eight games.  I then finished out the season winning 5 of my final 6 games, including the last four straight.  Even then, I needed two other teams to lose in week 14 AND score enough points to become the league's top scorer in order to grab the #4 seed with a 7-7 record.

12 Angry Men was even more bizarre.  Apart from a 3-game winning streak after my 0-4 start, I didn't manage back-to-back victories all year.  The season ended on a fitting note in week 14, when I scored the second most points while of course playing the high-point scorer for the week.  Final score: 190.70 to 171.85 (150 points will win a game in that league 95% of the time).

I finished 6-8, and I only grabbed the #4 seed in that league due to its playoff structure.  It has three 4-team divisions.  Each division winner goes to the playoffs, as well as one 'wild-card' team --- the highest-scoring non-playoff team.  As the league scoring leader, I made it in.  I'll be playing the #2 scorer in the first round of the playoffs and if I win that matchup, I have to face one of the other division winners --- two guys who finished 10th and 11th in total points scored, 236 and 277 points behind me, respectively.

It would, of course, be awesome (though extremely unlikely) for me to pull off the sweep and claim all four titles.  But since that probably won't happen, I'm just going to spend the next week savoring how I managed to get this far.

Week 14 Playoff Scenarios

Up a bit later than I'd like, but what can I say.  I'm a busy guy.  And besides, Minnesota got its first snowstorm of the winter yesterday.  Anyway.

As you may recall, all four of the leading teams in the league had the opportunity to clinch a playoff spot last week if Nick lost to Kevin, and Nick was more than happy to oblige.  As a result, the Screaming Eagles, Psychotic Ninjas and Air Apparent have locked up three of the four playoff spots, while Suspended Atomnation, Golden Grahams, Rock-n-it Datarocknators and, to a much lesser extent Leviathans, are all competing for the final spot.  Here's how all of them can get in.

For Suspended Atomnation, the path to the playoffs is straightforward: just beat Los Diablos this week.  You wouldn't think that would be too difficult to manage --- many have done it this season --- but Los Diablos are actually riding a two-game winning streak, including putting up 82 points against Pete last week.  So this game isn't the gimme it used to be.

Adam also gets in with a loss if Nick and Kevin both lose also.

Golden Graham's gets into the playoffs with a win and an Atomnation loss (I'm assuming Nick doesn't outscore Kevin by 66 points).

Rock-n-it Datarocknators gets into the playoffs with a win and losses by Atomnation and Golden Graham's --- or with a win, a loss by Atomnation, and outscoring Kevin by 66 points or more.

Finally, for the sake of completeness, Leviathans will clinch a playoff spot with a win, losses by Atomnation, Golden Graham's, Datarocknators, and Leviathans outscores Atomnation by 68 points or more.

Remember that no matter the final regular-season standings, everyone still has something to play for.  In addition to the $15 weekly prize, teams seeded #5 through #8 are battling for the first draft pick next year, while teams #9 through #12 are battling to avoid an embarrassing team name and avatar next year --- like Little Choo-Choo (*snicker*).

So go out there and GET 'EM!!!