Pulling Rank

I've read the room, and we have a draft in about 5 weeks.  So instead of trying to put things through a vote, I'm just going to make an executive decision.

There will be no changes to the basic format of the league.  In the unlikely event that the NFL plays 16 regular season games this year, then the league will play out just like it did last year (with someone other than Merrill winning, obviously).

However, we do need to add one or more IR positions to our rosters to accommodate players who contract the virus.  Please go to the league site to vote on whether we should add one or two such positions.  The poll will close sometime on Sunday, August 9.  Like, around 9:00 PM CT.

That only leaves the detail of finances.  The regular $15 weekly prize for high-point scorer will be paid as usual.  When if the NFL shortens/cancels the season, the money remaining in the prize pool will be divided as follows, depending on when the NFL regular season ends.  If the season ends after ______, then the prize pool will be divided as follows _______:

• Weeks 1-12: Divided equally among all twelve owners
• Week 13: Divided equally among the six playoff teams
• Week 14: Divided equally among the four remaining playoff teams
• Week 15: $217.50 to each team in the title game, $30 to each team in the consolation game

But before we can divide up the money, I need to collect all of it first.  So if you owe dues for 2020, make sure to get them in ASAP!

Check your email for exact amounts due and payment info.

A Modest Proposal

For some reason, this just seems an appropriate choice for 2020

I know you guys generally hate any and all ideas I have for improving the league, and I wouldn't suggest this if the world weren't going to hell this weren't a uniquely challenging time.  But considering the fact that, even in the unlikely event that there IS a 2020 NFL season, it could end at any moment, it seems like we should seriously consider playing a different format this season.

And that format is: Guillotine league.  (Actually, a modified guillotine league, but there's no reason to --- ahem --- split hairs).

Since I would estimate that there is approximately NO chance the NFL plays a full 16-game season, the guillotine league format provides a sort of escape hatch.  Here's the basic idea.

There are no head-to-head matchups.  Everything is based on points until the championship game in week 16, if things last that long.

Every so often, the 'guillotine' will fall, and the team with the fewest points on the season will be kicked out of the league.  All of the players on that team then return to the player pool to be picked up on waivers (and what a great thing that we now use a blind-bidding auction system for waivers!).

Specifically, the team with the lowest point total will be kicked out after weeks 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 and 15.  Week 16 will still be championship week, with a head-to-head matchup between the remaining two teams, who will be STACKED!

And if the NFL shutters the 2020 season at any point, the money in the prize pool will be split equally among all surviving teams.

Or, if we want to reward the high-point scorer and punish the low-point scorer, we could agree to split the prize pool proportionally.

So anyway --- thoughts?

(Another fun league format is called vampire, but it really isn't helpful in the current circumstance.  But I'd be happy to describe it to anyone who's curious)

Strap In Tight, Homies

On the one hand, we have this:

Dr. Allen Sills, the NFL's chief medical officer, said Thursday night that the NFL hopes to plow a road for the entire country as it deals with the pandemic.

"I think this is important not just for the NFL or for professional sports -- not even for sports at all levels," Sills said at a virtual meeting of the American Orthopaedic Society for Sports Medicine. "I think what we are trying to do -- which is to find a way to mitigate risk and to coexist with this virus -- this is really key information for schools, for businesses, for all segments of society. I think we have a unique opportunity but also a responsibility to use the platform and resources of the NFL to really study and learn and to take that knowledge and apply it for the benefit of the other segments of the society. That is what we plan to do."

And on the other hand, we have this:

So I really don't know what to expect.  If I were a betting man, I'd bet that there won't even be an NFL season.  I mean, look what's happened to colleges that tried to start their football season:

Some of those were college athletes. Through Wednesday, at least 426  had tested positive for the coronavirus among roughly 50 Division I programs, but the number of cases is likely much higher. About half of American universities either did not respond to requests for testing results from The New York Times, or declined to provide numbers, under the auspices of protecting the privacy of student-athletes. 

But of course, the NFL is a billion-dollar business, capable of devoting many more resources to the safety of their players than colleges can.  For example, I especially like this part of the NFL's plan for dealing with the virus:

If there is a fear of in-game exposure, the NFL will make use of radio-frequency identification tracking devices embedded in each player's shoulder pads to determine whom that player was within 6 feet of during the game.

 It's great that the NFL plans to use technology to determine that a given player came within 6 feet of LITERALLY EVERY OTHER PLAYER AND COACH on his own team during the course of the game, and HALF of the players on the other team.

Obviously, if there's no NFL season, then there's no fantasy season.  And just as obviously, if the NFL cancels it's season, it's not going to happen until the last minute.  So I've actually scheduled our draft for Wednesday, September 9 at 7:30 PM Central time.  I haven't made any other changes to the league yet, but I STRONGLY recommend that we add 3 IR slots to our rosters.  In the event that there actually is a season, players will get sick, and we will probably want to have the IR slots available when they do.

So.  Uh.  Start your engines?  I guess?

2019 End of Year Accounting

First things first.  Here is the draft order for 2020:

1. Suspended Atomnation
2. Golden Graham's
3. Team Harbaughs
4. ~ AirMatt ~
5. Orion River Horses
6. Leviathans
7. The Team Formerly Known as the Craptastics
8. The Team Formerly Known as Strike Team
9. Los Diablos
10. Psychotic Ninjas
11. Air Apparent
12. Merrill

Second things second.  Here is how much money I owe everyone:

• Merrill: $300 for the title, plus weekly wins in weeks 3, 4, 5 and 9, makes $360.  After deducting 2020 dues, Merrill gets $300. - Check mailed 2/5/2020.
• Taylor: $120 for second place, plus weekly wins in weeks 6 and 10, makes $150.  After deducting 2020 dues, Taylor gets $90. - Check mailed 1/30/2020
• Myself: $60 for third place, plus a lonely weekly win in week 16, makes $75.  After deducting 2020 dues, I get $15.
• Jody: Actually won BOTH of the first two weeks of the season, then fell off from there.  So Jody has a $30 credit going into 2020.
• Kevin: Really came on at the end (after it was too late), winning weeks 12 and 15.  So Kevin also has a $30 credit going into 2020.
• Aaron: Aaron really likes living in the basement, he does, claiming last place for (I think) the fifth time in the four years we've had this rule.  Anyway, he did manage to win week 7, so he has a $15 credit going into 2020.
• Matt: Won week 8, for a $15 credit going into 2020.
• Pete: Won week 11, for a $15 credit going into 2020.
• Kubicek: Even though we was the #1 seed, he didn't win a week until week 13.  And his playoff performances were forgettable.  $15 credit going into 2020.
• Adam: Won week 14 for a $15 credit going into 2020.
• Jason lived down to his team name, winning NO weeks in 2019.  Levi didn't either, so both of them get doodly-squat.

It appears that I actually need to send money to Merrill and Taylor.  So if you guys will email me and let me know either a mailing address where I can send a check, or an email address where I can send you your money via PayPal, that would be great.

Aaron, I want to apologize in advance for whatever team name Merrill decides to saddle you with next year.  For some reason, I don't think he'll be quite as casual about it as Matt was when he named Jason's team this year.  But you knew the risks when you decide to finish last!

Sorry that there wasn't more pernicious nonsense, or badinage and schadenfreude for that matter, this season.  There may be more of that next year; there might not.  At this point, it's hard to say.

See you in July, everybody!

Marauders Bring the Title Back to --- Wherever Merrill Lives!

I dunno.  Boca Raton, I think.  Anyway.

Yes, the Marauders won the title for the first time since I've been part of this league (which goes all the way back to last Tuesday 2007), and as you might imagine, Merrill's pretty pumped about it.  So pumped, in fact, that he has specifically requested 'a nice long write up to the league on the Marauder's championship run back to the TTFFL mountaintop'.

A 'nice long write up', you say?  I think I can manage that!  Let's give this a shot ---

Week 1: It was a cold, snowy September morning.  The Marauders' spirits were low, but their hopes were high, as they went in to wherever Pete lives --- Orion River, I suppose --- to take on Pete and his horses hippos.  Led by the surprising Dak Prescott, the hippos put up a formidable 82.9 points, which would ordinarily be enough to crush most TTFFL opponents, but not these Marauders.  With no standout performances by any one player, the Marauders instead brought out above-average play in pretty much their whole lineup to tally an impressive 105.8 points, beating not just Pete, but all other teams in the league as well.

I mean, except for Jody, who won the week with 116.2 points.

Week 2: It was a warm, sunny September morning.  The Marauders' spirits were low, and their point total was even lower, as Merrill made the questionable decision to start Baker Mayfield over Russell Wilson.  Is this the kind of decision-making you really want to have chronicled in sickening detail?!?

Well, whatever!  The mighty Marauders prevailed despite scoring only a puny 55.5 points, because Atom only managed an even punier 51.9 points, thanks mainly to underwhelming performances by Jared Cook (1.3 points), Alvin Kamara (3 points) and Ben Roethlisberger (1.5 points).  The Marauders were 2-0 and on a roll!

Week 3: It was a mild, windy September morning.  The Marauders were hosting their first home game of the season at wherever Merrill lives --- Albuquerque, maybe.  Once again, they faced a high-scoring opponent in Team Harbaughs (Mahomes!  Cook!  Hooper!), and once again, they vanquished that opponent with even mightier firepower (Wilson!  McCaffrey!  Kupp!  Hardman!).  They outscored everyone in the league, including the Ninjas, who had the second-highest score!  The Marauders were quickly demonstrating to the rest of the league that they were not to be trifled with!

Week 4: It was a wet, blustery September morning.  The Maruders went on the road again, at wherever Matt lives --- I actually know this one!  It's in Burnsville; I've been there!  I won 5 straight games of 9-ball against him!

Well anyway.  This week, they faced a laughably overmatched AirMatt team.  I mean, seriously.  EVERY OTHER TEAM IN THE LEAGUE outscored AirMatt by at least 10 points.  Adam Thielen and Odell Beckham scored 1.3 points COMBINED!  It was truly an embarrassing performance by AirMatt.  So embarrassing, in fact, that the Marauders came close to TRIPLING his score, and this was even with Mecole Hardman scoring NEGATIVE 1.6 points.

The Marauders won ANOTHER week, and were a commanding 4-0.

Week 5: It was a warm, snowy October morning.  The Marauders' spirits were high, but their blood sugar was low as they went into wherever it is Taylor lives --- let's call it Tuscaloosa --- for a slugfest against the mighty Air Apparent.

(BTW, what is the deal with the Marauders playing 4 of their first 5 games on the road?  It's almost like the guy who makes up the schedule doesn't even pay attention to home versus road games)

Air Apparent would be nipping at the Marauders' heels all season, and this game was just one example of it.  Both teams put up epic point totals --- Russell Wilson scored 31 points for the Marauders, a point total matched by Matt Ryan for Air Apparent.  Christian McCaffrey scored 29.9 points for Merrill --- BAM!  But Aaron Jones scored 33.1 for Taylor --- COUNTERBAM!  And all of the other players who started that day scored points as well!

But of course, when the dust settled, the Marauders once again claimed victory, and their THIRD CONSECUTIVE weekly win.

Week 6: It was a hot, greasy October morning.  The Marauders were once again back in the comfy confines of wherever it is Merrill lives (I want to say La Jolla).  And there was more on the line this week than just a win or loss --- this week, the mighty 5-0 Marauders faced the even mightier 5-0 Psychotic Ninjas in a battle for league dominance!

Which the Marauders won by a convincing 24-point margin.  So much for the dominance of the Psychotic Ninjas, who essentially disappeared for the next 6 weeks (but we'll hear more about them later).

Week 7: Tragedy struck.  On a freezing cold, yet somehow still warm October morning, the Marauders tasted defeat for the first time, as they hosted the Leviathans.  Despite the best efforts of Ezekiel Elliot (13.4), Josh Lambo (13), Russell Wilson (10.2) and T.Y. Hilton (9.7), the rest of the Marauders team was crap that day, and they fell to a Leviathans team led by Jared Goff (23.5), Ka'imi Fairbairn (12), Tyreek Hill (9.7) and Eric Ebron (9.5).  The rest of the Leviathans didn't play any better than the rest of the Marauders, but the damage was done.  The 13-point advantage Goff gave the Leviathans at the QB position told the tale, and for the first time this season Merrill's Marauders, the scourge of the TTFFL, were defeated.

Sorry, guys.  I just love this image, and I didn't get a chance to use it this season.

Week 8: On a dry, snowy October morning before Halloween, the Marauders hosted a hapless Los Diablos team.  So hapless, in fact, that the Marauders' top three performers --- Russell Wilson, Christian McCaffrey and Darren Fells --- were almost able to defeat Los Diablos single-handedly.  In the entire history of the TTFFL, rarely have we ever seen a team so devoid of hap.

The Marauders recovered from their week 7 loss, and appeared to be back to their dominant ways.

Week 9: November broke with a tasty, vanilla-flavored morning, as the Marauders continued their run of 100+-point performances, this time crushing Kevin and his Golden Grahams into dust.  And while the Grahams had a bit more hap than the previous week's Los Diablos, the Marauders were so dominant that just their top two players --- Russell Wilson, with a stunning 40.6 points, and Christian McCaffrey with a much-less-impressive-but-still-respectable 26.3 --- combined to outscore the whole Golden Graham's team.

The Marauders rang up their fourth weekly win, and seemed unstoppable!

Week 10: In the final game of their 5-game home stand at historic Wherever-Merrill-Lives Stadium (located in scenic downtown Tulsa), the Marauders easily disposed of the puny and insignificant Craptastics.  But the 70.6 - 57.1 final score was mundane, and the Marauders were not as dominating as they had been in previous weeks.

The Marauders were 9-1, but there were clouds on the horizon ---

Week 11: DISASTER!!!  On a hot, muggy, sulphur-laden morning in November, the Marauders hit the absolute low point of their season.  With Russell Wilson on bye and Kyle Allen stinking up the joint, the Marauders tallied their lowest point total of the season (46.1) to go down to defeat against the lowly Strike Team, wherever it is that Aaron lives (what the hell: Port Au Prince).  As bad as it was losing to Aaron, that was nothing compared with ---

Week 12: The Marauders slide continued, as they dropped their rematch against Suspended Atomnation by an agonizingly close 61.8 - 60.6 tally.  But the bleeding didn't stop yet, because ---

Week 13: On a freezing cold December morning, with rocks and garbage falling from the sky, the Marauders visited Orion River for the second time this season (the schedule maker was most likely drunk), to avenge their earlier victory over the hippos.  And avenge it they did, in spectacular fashion, losing to the River Horses by a measly 0.5 points to conclude their regular season on a 3-game losing streak.

Week 14: On a calm, sunny and surprisingly warm December morning, the Marauders played no one at all, because their early-season dominance earned them a first-round bye, despite the fact that they spent the final three weeks of the regular season playing like turds with feet.  They mostly spent the week sitting around the pool sipping margaritas, taking the occasional break to go dangle their toes in the waves.  All in all, the Marauders thought --- life isn't bad.

Week 15: On a starkly violent, wind-tossed and rain-streaked day, filled with broken promises and shattered dreams and stinking of pig vomit, the Marauders won their semifinal-round playoff game, led by the efforts of stupid Ezekiel Elliott and even stupider Christian McCaffrey.  All in all, the whole Marauders team was stupid and bad and didn't deserve to win their playoff game half as much as their kind and noble opponent, the Psychotic Ninjas, who never did anything to hurt anybody and deserved the victory much more and yes they did and nahnahnahnahnah I can't hear you and you're stupid and shut up.

AND FINALLY ---

Week 16: On a crisp, clear, cold but still really quite pleasant Christmas Eve Eve, stuffed with a wild rice, garlic and mushroom stuffing and served with seasoned Italian sausage and garnished with rosemary, thyme and shallots, coated with a lemon garlic butter and served with a side of freshly-picked asparagus, the Marauders finally claimed the title over the scrappy but overmatched Air Apparent.  The championship teams were really quite evenly matched, but the difference in the game was the ridiculous TWENTY-THREE points scored by the Colts' defense for the Marauders.  And most of THAT total came from the ridiculous TWO punt return touchdowns by Nyheim Hines, a player who wasn't even on the Marauders' roster --- which, let's face it, is enough to make you want to tear your hair out.

And with that, the Marauders claimed their first TTFFL title since --- what, 1999?  1972?  I don't know, someone will have to tell me.  That was before my time.

Anyway, congratulations to the Marauders!  Merry Christmas to all!  I will be posting usual end-of-year accounting stuff soon!

(Did you notice that I went through that entire review, and NOT ONCE did I mention that if the Psychotic Ninjas had reversed their scores in weeks 15 and 16, THEY would be the champs, and not Merrill?

I thought it was pretty damn classy of me not to call attention to that fact.  If you had to pick just one word to describe me, I'm pretty sure it would be 'class').

Hi Everybody!

Yeah, it's been a while.  I'm guessing most of you enjoyed the peace and quiet.

Fortunately, I'm back just in time for the week 13 playoff scenarios.  So, let's see --- there are five teams within one game of each other between fifth and ninth place.  Of course, three of them (Air Apparent, Psychotic Ninjas and Suspended Atomnation) have a 6-6 record, so as long as one of them wins, then it comes down to who scores the most points, so ---

NO, WAIT A MINUTE!!!

I forgot all about the stupid Kubicek rule, which means we need to take into account the individual matchups between potential playoff teams.  So if we look at the three 6-6 teams, and consider possible week 13 outcomes, then --- hold on just a minute ---

Oh yeah.  Now I remember why I don't do playoff projections any more.

Well, good luck to everyone but Aaron, I guess.  I'll try to come up with more playoff-appropriate badinage and schadenfreude next week.

Title Week Preview?

The past two weeks in the TTFFL have seen some interesting trades.  As a result, the only two remaining unbeatens have some pretty stacked rosters.  And if this trend continues, consider the possibility of this title game matchup:

	Merrill's Marauders	Psychotic Ninjas
QB	Russell Wilson	Lamar Jackson
RB	Christian McCaffrey	Saquon Barkley
RB	Ezekiel Elliott	David Johnson
WR	T.Y. Hilton	Mike Evans
WR	Cooper Kupp	Tyler Lockett
TE	Mark Andrews	George Kittle
Flex	Melvin Gordon	Kareem Hunt
DST	Steelers	Rams
K	Who	Cares?

Now obviously, this won't happen.  Because one of us will have his team decimated by injuries over the next three weeks.  And the other one will finish the season as the #1 seed, crush their opponent in the semifinals, and then inexplicably put up about 23 points in the title game.

But still.  It's a pretty stunning possibility to comtemplate.

Allow me to introduce --- the Craptastics!!!

Matt has decided that Jason will play the 2019 season under the team name The Craptastics.  And Jason's new avatar is pretty much what you would expect:

This should give Jason added motivation in weeks 1 and 13.  Congrats, Jason!  You earned it!

FAABulous!!!

I am pleased to report that common sense prevailed in the voting for our recent rule change proposal:

So --- that's that.

As far as other proposed rule changes are concerned (and there were several: superflex, changes to QB scoring, PPR scoring, an additional RB/WR/TE flex), I'm not inclined to put any of them up for a vote, because there seems to be substantial opposition to all of them.

On the other hand, if anyone else would LIKE to have a vote on these or any other rule changes, I'm happy to put them out there.  Drop me a line and let me know.

Otherwise, this closes the door on the 2018 season.  Unless another rule change is proposed, I'll (virtually) see you all next year!

Waiting in Line Sucks

Clearly under the influence of some kind of mind-altering chemicals, Adam had this to say about our waiver system:

If it's not broke, don't fix it.  Waiver system has worked fine for years.

At least one other owner has seconded this notion, and after pondering things for a couple of days, there really seems to be only one reasonable response:

Of course, it's possible that this is just a simple difference of opinion.  So I decided to do a scientific test recently.

My daughter is in the 10th grade, and is on her high school dance team.  Next weekend, they're holding their invitational dance meet, which is their major fundraiser for the year.  As part of the dance meet, they're holding a blind auction of various goods and services.

So, during the planning of this event, I went to the moms in charge (it's a dance team; of COURSE the ones in charge are the moms), and I proposed handling the auction a different way.  I suggested that everyone who wanted one of the auction items should stand in a long line, and then we would randomly choose one of the auction items and give it to the first person in line.

Of course, that person might not want it, and if they didn't, they could offer it to the next person in line --- and if they didn't want it, they could offer it to the next person, and so on.  As soon as someone decided they wanted an item, they would have to go to the back of the line before we brought the next item out.

Also, we wouldn't tell anyone what the items were ahead of time.  That way, when people were deciding whether or not to keep an item, they would have no way of knowing whether something better was available.  I explained that while this wasn't really an 'auction', at least this approach still included the 'blind' element.

I assured all of the moms in charge that this was, indeed, the fairest and best way to run the blind auction --- but the moms weren't buying it.

So, I tried my best, I really did.  But it still seems pretty obvious to me that FAAB is the better way to handle waivers.  I do agree with Adam on one point, though.  Since auction is the best way to handle waivers, we should also be using auction for our draft as well.  But I know better than to propose an auction draft to this league.

Anyway, just because we draft the wrong way doesn't mean we need to handle waivers the wrong way!  Heed the wisdom of the dance moms!

(Full disclosure: I lied about the dance moms.  I didn't suggest handling the blind auction differently, because I didn't even go to the planning meeting.  I went last year, and I know that they really don't want me to participate in the planning; they just want me to show up to the invitational and sell stuff.)

If my compelling and made-up dance moms story hasn't persuaded you, then go back and read my original essay championing the rule change, because I think I made some good points there.  Then go vote for the rule change!

http://games.espn.com/ffl/leagueoffice?leagueId=303219

Remember: The only real change is that when you put in a waiver claim, you would also include a dollar amount (which can be $0), and the decision about who gets a player is based on who bid the most, and not who happens to be first in line that week.  Nothing else would change.

One thing I didn't lie about is the dance invitational on January 12.  I really will be at the high school helping out most of the day.  So let's say this poll closes at 9:00 PM EST on January 12.

P.S. Wondering about other rule changes, like scoring and superflex?  Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about them.  Just wanted to start cleaning up the discussion a bit.

P.P.S. One other angle I considered for pitching FAAB is that our current waiver process makes us wait in line, like they did in the old Soviet Union under communism.  So I was going to make outlandish charges about Adam hating America and so forth, and say that our current waiver system is 'slavic', but it didn't really feel organic.  But if it helps you decide to vote for FAAB, then great!