All Hail the Mighty, Mighty Hippos!

Man, who would have thought that a fantasy team named for hippos would ever be successful?  But successful they were.  Despite losing their final two regular season games and backing into the playoffs at 8-6, they dominated both playoff weeks and won the title in convincing fashion.

Probably the best part about the Orion River Horses' title is that it came, at least in part, along with Drew Brees' successful assault on on Dan Marino's 27-year-old record for passing yards in a season.  Down to Strike Team by 28 going into the final game of the fantasy season, a divisional matchup between the Saints and Falcons, the River Horses had Brees, Colston and Turner left to play.  Turner was winding down, as he usually does late in the season, and scored a measly two fantasy points.  But Brees had one of his typical great nights, throwing 3 TDs for 275 yards in the first 55 minutes of the game --- including one to Marques Colston, which was key for the Hippos.

Later in the evening, Brees iced the game for the River Horses when he threw his fourth TD of the game, breaking Marino's record in the process.

For their part, Strike Team put up a respectable 70 points, but that wasn't enough to get them the win.  The real difference in the game came among the waiver-wire pickups.  Kevin Smith had a good game for Strike Team, as did C.J. Spiller for the River Horses.  But Donald Brown, who had been strong and scored 8 or more points in three of the previous four games, only managed a single point during championship week.

And so the Orion River Horses take the 2011 TTFFL crown.

And Then There Were Two

Much to the surprise of everyone --- well, to me, at any rate --- the Orion River Horses simply walloped the league-leading YAC Attack in the first round of the playoffs, a 97-61 thrashing.  Much of that had to do with Drew Brees playing one of his best games of the season, which is saying a lot, versus Aaron Rodgers having --- believe it or not --- only his second worst game.  His worst game was week 14 against the Raiders, which kind of makes you wonder whether the Packers have peaked too soon.

Perhaps more surprisingly, the River Horses' 36-point victory margin wasn't even the biggest margin of the semifinal round.  That honor belongs to Aaron and his Strike Team, who whipped Atomnation by a 37-point spread, 75-48.  Yes, despite having the 4th-highest scoring team in the league this year, Adam's Atoms picked a terrible time to put up a stinker, allowing Aaron to cruise to the championship round.

(Ed. note: Or maybe it was only a 27-point margin for Strike Team.  Apparently I can't snark and subtract at the same time)

It's surprising that the River Horses put up 97 points with such fantasy standouts as C.J. Spiller and Nate Burleson.  But Strike Team can match that firepower and more, with notable names like Donald Brown, Laurent Robinson and especially Kevin Smith.  Sure, players emerge out of nowhere every year to be a fantasy factor, but it seems like there are more such players this year than at any time I can remember.

The River Horses beat Strike Team in their only meeting this season, in a surprisingly low-scoring 52-47 victory.  Nevertheless, I proclaim that Strike Team is a mortal lock to win the title.  My reasoning has less to do with C.J. Spiller and Nate Burleson, or even the fact that Brees and Colston are going up against the Falcons' tough pass D.  It has to do with the fact that Pete simply cannot win the big one.

Pete and I both came into the league in 2007, and the River Horses were pretty much dominant all year long --- before falling to a laughable 7-6-1 team (that would be the Ninjas) in the first round of the playoffs.  Pete hasn't done much since then, except that last year after starting the season 0-5, he threw a scare into everyone that he might pull off a miracle worst-to-first finish, reeling off 5 straight victories to pull to 5-6-1 before fading at the end.  And there's no reason to believe he won't fall short again this year.

So enjoy your time in the limelight while it lasts, Mr. Close-But-No-Cigar.  I'll be polishing up the winner's trophy and getting Aaron's name engraved on it.

And Then there were Four

So finally the drama (such as it was) is over, and the playoff matchups are set.  Round 1 features a grudge rematch between Strike Team and Atomnation --- who fought to a tie in their only matchup this season --- and a battle between the Orion River Horses and the suddenly mortal YAC Attack.

On the one hand, I must admit it is refreshing to see some new blood in the playoffs, even though it pains me greatly to be sitting out for the first time ever.  On the other hand, I still keep expecting Pete and Taylor to both perform their annual choking ritual.  But I guess it's now guaranteed that one of them will make it to the finals.

As a reminder, as stated in the league manifesto, if a playoff game ends in a tie score, the higher-seeded team shall be declared the winner.  So Pete and Adam need clear victories in their semifinal games in order to advance to the championship round.

For the sake of posterity, I'm going to copy the final regular season standings into this here blog dealie.  I'll have other witty observations to make in my usual end-of-season rant.

1. Yac Attack: 12-2, 1070 points
2. Strike Team: 9-4-1, 921 points
3. Suspended Atomnation: 9-4-1, 911 points
4. Orion River Horses: 8-6, 872 points
5. Newnan Puttheads: 7-7, 1031 points
6. Screaming Eagles: 7-7, 817 points
7. Psychotic Ninjas: 6-8, 894 points
8. Leviathans: 6-8, 845 points
9. Golden Graham's: 6-8, 843 points
10. Merrill's Marauders: 5-8-1, 805 points
11. Team Datanator: 4-9-1, 709 points
12. Los Diablos: 3-11, 895 points

Little Drama

Man, I usually love all of the last-minute playoff scenarios, but this year there are none.

Taylor has clinched the #1 seed.  With their wins this weekend, Adam and Aaron have clinched playoff spots, with seeding to be determined by the results of next weekend's games.

With their losses this weekend, Levi and Merrill are officially done for the year.  The only remaining suspense is whether Pete or Jason claims the final playoff spot.  Pete is the prohibitive favorite, with a one-game lead and a 37-point lead in total points.  So the bottom line is, Pete goes to the playoffs unless the following three things all happen next weekend:

1. Pete loses.
2. Jason wins.
3. Jason outscores Pete by 38 points or more.

If the first two events occur, but Jason outscores Pete by exactly 37 points, then I'll have to look up the tiebreaker rules, so let's hope that doesn't happen.

Congratulations to Adam and Aaron.  Everyone else, keep striving for that weekly win!  It looks like Adam got it for the first time this week, making nine different teams who have won at least one week this year (well, Aaron only won half a week)!

With three weeks left, it's still possible for Nick, Kevin and Jason to each have their turn to spread the wealth!

Well, This is Boring

With two weeks left to go in the 2011 TTFFL regular season, the playoff picture is --- really, really straightforward, actually.  Surprisingly, there is almost nothing interesting about it.

There are only 4 teams in the league with a record above .500: YAC Attack, who clinched a playoff spot last week, then the surprising River Horses at 8-4, and finally Strike Team and Suspended Atomnation at 7-4-1.  Four teams above .500, 4 playoff spots, pretty easy to do the math on this one.

There are only two other teams in contention for a playoff spot --- not surprisingly, those would be the only two teams in the league AT .500.  Specifically, Leviathans and Screaming Eagles, in that order.  Each of these teams could, theoretically, sneak into the playoffs, but it would require:

1. Victories in both of their remaining games.  This would seem to be within Levi's grasp, with remaining matchups against Strike Team and Golden Graham's, but rather more of a stretch for Jason, who faces the neglectful Team Datanator next week before running into the buzzsaw that is Taylor week 14.  Then again, Taylor proved to actually be mortal this week with the loss of Fred Jackson, so never say never.
2. One of River Horses, Strike Team or Suspended Atomnation losing both of their remaining games.  Again, we should never say never --- and Levi actually controls his (and Jason's) destiny a little bit with a remaining game against Strike Team.

Actually, if it shakes out that it's River Horses who lose both remaining games and one of Levi or Jason wins out, then it would come down to a question of who scored the most points on the season.  But if Strike Team, River Horses and Suspended Atomnation all win either one of their remaining games, then the only remaining question concerning the playoffs is the seeding.

So.  Not too much in the way of intrigue, etc.

On a completely unrelated note, Your Esteemed Commissioner will miss the playoffs for the first time ever.  What do you guys do when you don't make the playoffs?  Do you have a potluck or something?  Do you all, like, get together on game day and watch the cool teams win?

Update: Oops, my bad.  Technically, Merrill still has a shot at playoff glory, too.  He needs to win out --- with victories over Taylor and Aaron to finish the season, good luck with that --- and finish 7-6-1, and he needs Aaron and Adam to both lose both of their games, AND he needs Levi and Jason to both lose at least once.  So, not real likely.  On the other hand, it would be pretty epic if it happened, so I'm going to cheer him on!  That's right, Merrill!  I'm rooting for ya, buddy!  

Playoff Scenarios: Week 12

Here's where things stand with 3 weeks remaining in the 2011 TTFFL season:

Ticket Stamped
Congratulations to Taylor on being the first to clinch a playoff spot this season!  There is a theoretical possibility that Aaron could sneak past him for the #1 seed but --- ain't gonna happen.

Sitting Pretty
Next comes Aaron at 7-3-1, then the surprising Hippos at 7-4, and Adam at 6-4-1.  Strike Team will clinch with a win and a Leviathans loss.  Orion River Horses need a combination of 3 wins or Leviathans losses over the final three weeks (next week's tilt with the Leviathans should go a long way to clearing up the playoff picture for both teams).  Adam just needs to make sure his win total meets or exceeds that of Leviathans in the final three weeks.

Knockin' on the Door
Leviathans have the best shot at breaking into the top four.  Ninjas and Eagles aren't out of it yet --- and could theoretically still get in even with another loss --- but likely need to win out to have a decent shot at making it.

Still Kickin'
Marauders, Team Datanator, and the defending champion Puttheads still have a pulse, but it would require serious strangeness among the top 7 teams for any of these guys to sneak in.  Even if they win out to finish the season, the odds are still against them.

Thanks for Playing
This week, Kevin joins Kubicek in regrouping for next year.  Kubicek only faces similarly down and out teams the rest of the season, but Kevin might be able to play the spoiler against Levi in week 14 (you can take it easy this week though, Kevin.  No reason to try to be a hero).  Look at the positive side, guys: One of you might get an exciting new team name and avatar to play with next year!  

If the Playoffs Began Today . . .

Okay.  I'm going to try to remain professional here, and write an entire blog entry without even mentioning my loss to Taylor last weekend.  But, I mean, damn!  Usually, you score 79 points in this league, you win the game, you know what I mean?  And as for Aaron Rodgers --- well.  Here's an idea.  Next year, instead of actually drafting players and playing a full season, we'll just come up with some really groovy algorithm for setting a draft order (I know how much the old-timers miss the Dow Jones method) --- it will have to be really fun and complicated and shiny, because that's pretty much all we're going to do --- and whoever ends up with the first pick will be declared league champion, and we can all just mail our checks to him.  Because whoever ends up with Rodgers next year is definitely making the playoffs, and has about an 80% chance of taking the title.

Brutal.

Anyway, where was I?  Oh yeah, keeping it professional.  So I'm not going to talk about my 93-79 loss to Taylor, which would have been a 94-93 victory if Tom Brady had decided to throw to Aaron Hernandez as much as he threw to Rob Gronkowski.  Stupid Tom Brady.

Anyway.  Professional.  Roddy goddamn White.

Professional.

So, with 4 games left in the season, here's how things stack up for possible playoff spots.  As always, remember that no matter how far out of it you are, there's still a $15 prize for the top point-scorer every week, even during the playoffs.  So everyone keep working to field your best lineup every week.

Ticket Stamped
Believe it or not, no one, not even the mighty YAC Attack, has clinched a playoff spot yet.  Thanks to a multitude of 6-win teams, there is still a theoretical possibility that Taylor can finish 9-5 and be sitting at home for the playoffs.  That would be hysterically funny, actually, but not especially likely, especially considering that given Taylor's huge lead in total points scored, the only way it could realistically happen would be for the Trumbores to battle to a tie in week 12, and then win all the rest of their games.

Actually, I kind of hope that does happen.  It would be epic.  Only, Taylor's not going to lose again, so there's no point in thinking about it.

Sitting Pretty
Obviously YAC Attack has the inside track at 9-1.  Next come Suspended Atomnation, Strike Team, and the Orion River Horses.  The Leviathans are actually outside the playoff bubble at 5th place right now, but I'll include them here as the final 6-win team.  Of course, 4 weeks is still enough time for at least one of these teams to tank, and the schedule is going to help them out with Suspended Atomnation playing Strike Team next week, the Trumbores beating each other up in week 12, and the Leviathans taking on Strike Team in week 13.  And on top of that, Taylor should help keep things interesting by likely handing out defeats to Leviathans and Suspended Atmonation the next two weeks.  So while the teams at this level might be 'Sitting Pretty', now is not the time to get complacent.

Knocking on the Door
The next tier of teams includes the Screaming Eagles in 6th place, Team Datanator a surprising 7th place (here's a hint, Nick: Roy Williams sucks), the defending champion Puttheads in 8th place, and Your Esteemed Commissioner in 9th place (Larry Fitzgerald for 19 fantasy points?  Really?  Against the 'Dream Team'?  With John Skelton at QB?  Really?).  Needless to say, all the teams in this band need to win out, and then they need help from somewhere if they're going to snag the 4th seed and the honor of being devoured alive by Taylor in the first round of the playoffs.

Still Kickin'
Continuing on down the line, we have Merrill in 10th place, still a half-game ahead of Kevin and his Golden Grahams in spite of the Grahams sweeping the season series against the Marauders last week.  Neither of these guys have much left to play for, though I'm sure Kevin's two wins over Merrill this year will keep him warm during those long winter months.  And Merrill, well --- he can take comfort in the knowledge that he's still a half-game ahead of Kevin.  For now.  Looks like the Tebow trade is working out for Kevin, who might even have a chance to play spoiler the rest of the season now that Chris Johnson (or as I like to call him: CJ0KE) is maybe finally waking up.  With remaining games against both members of the Trumbore family, Kevin could still have something to say about the playoff picture --- just take it easy week 12, huh, big guy?

Thanks for Playing
Just one team in this category this week: Despite their week 10 win, Los Diablos are officially eliminated from the playoffs, thanks to the week 12 Trumbore family matchup, which means there's no way Los Diablos can get in front of both of them.  But like Kevin and his sweep of Merrill in 2011, Kubicek can cling to his week 8 spanking of the Psychotic Ninjas and know that for one week --- and only one week in 2011 --- Los Diablos was the best team in TTFFL.  Any hopes of salvaging more than that pretty much went out the window with Matt Schaub.

Running the Table

The Crushening begins now!!! Clean sweep the rest of the season, baby!!!

Okay, I'll admit, this season has not been the Ninjas' finest.  While I've managed to rack up more wins than Los Diablos, I sort of gave up any standing I had to trash them after they rolled me by 35 points last week.

Funny thing about that.  Last week I played 0-7 opponents in two different leagues, lost both games.  For some people, that might be a humbling experience.

But for the Ninjas, this is a new week, with new opportunities for victory!  Sure, I may be in 10th place now, but I'm only 2 games out of playoff contention with 6 to go.  Sunday is the first game of the rest of the season, and the Ninjas are not dead, merely resting.  Sure, I may have been dead wrong in my preseason predictions that Josh Freeman and Mike Williams would finish the season as top-5 fantasy guys (neither of them are on my roster any longer) --- and for that matter, I may have been wrong about the Rams winning a playoff game, though that's still theoretically possible.  But in spite of recent overwhelming evidence that I don't know what I'm talking about, I am nevertheless going to make one more bold prediction today:

The Ninjas will go 6-0 the rest of the way, and claim a playoff spot for the fifth consecutive year, and ultimately win their fourth consecutive* league title!!!  The pieces are all in place, and the bye weeks can't trip me up any longer.  Philip Rivers will put up the elite numbers he always does in November and December.  Darren McFadden will be back and dominate the league in rushing.  Jahvid Best will be back week 10 and be a top-10 fantasy RB the rest of the way.  DeMarco Murray will continue to be an every-week fantasy starter even after Felix Jones is 'healthy' again (as if he ever is).  Roddy White will return to his elite form, Aaron Hernandez will be the top 1 or 2 TEs the rest of the way, and either Eric Decker or Jonathon Baldwin (possibly both) will prove to be an every-week starter.

Be afraid, Merrill.  And Taylor.  And everyone else who faces the Ninja the rest of the season.  Be very afraid.

* 'Consecutive' here means back-to-back-to-back-to-back, except for the fact that Jody actually won last year.

Diablos--0-7 but Still the Nemesis of the Ninjas!

Last time the Diablos won a game, it was last year, and ESPN had to correct a Sean Jackson fumble to take 2 points away from Ninjas and hand a semi-final victory to the Mighty Diablos. That was the highlight of an illustrious fantasy career.

Well, it's been a while....but getting back in the win column with a pounding of the Ninjas is pretty damn sweet.

Sure, the Diablos are still in the basement, destined to be shut out of the playoffs for like the second time in eight years, but the Diablos (and the rest of the league) can take solace in the defeat of the ever annoying Ninjas as well as the fact that with life restored to my team, Kevin might take over basement duty.

Who's laughing now, Ninja???

(Ed note: This was written by Los Diablos, but posted by The Commissioner.  Apparently Blogger doesn't like Kubicek any more than the rest of us do.)

We're Halfway There!!!

A little over a year ago, I seem to recall writing something about how balanced the league was.  That clearly doesn't apply this year, so instead I'll talk about how teams are sprinkled all over the W-L spectrum.  At the top, of course, are YAC Attack --- I'm still not convinced Taylor won't find a way to avoid the playoffs again, though he'll really have to work to pull that off --- followed by Aaron with 5 wins, Adam at 4-2-1, and then the surprising Trumbore family and the Screaming Eagles all tied at 4-3.  Merrill has managed to drop all the way to 7th place in spite of narrowly cheating Team Datanator out of a win in week 5, but he's still a half-game ahead of the defending champion Puttheads and the former-champion Ninjas, who are knotted at an embarrassing 3-4.  Team Datanator is a half game back in 10th place, then there's Kevin in his usual lowly state, and bringing up the rear are:

So far this season, Los Diablos have played fantasy football about as well as this guys probably play actual football.


I'm going to go ahead and boldly predict a Ninja victory over Los Diablos next week, because like my hometown Minnesota Vikings, Los Diablos always manage to find a way to lose.  From the violent ass-whupping they got from Jody to start the season, all the way through the not-so-violent-but-nevertheless-an-ass-whupping they got from Levi last week, Los Diablos have never really been in any of their games this season.  With the exception of the week 4 70-76 loss to Screaming Eagles, they've never even managed to come within 10 points of victory.  Even when they put up a decent number of points, their opponent manages to do much better.

Here's a riddle.  What do Jahvid Best, Steve Johnson, Hakeem Nicks, and Darren Sproles all have in common?  They all had their best fantasy day when they were up against Los Diablos!

And I have no doubt it will continue.  Hey, I'm probably going to start Keiland Williams at RB next week, and I bet he scores at least 2 TDs, because I'm playing Los Diablos.  Thanks, Paul, for helping all of our fantasy teams perform better!

But I should apologize for spending so much time singling out and trashing another owner.  As usual, Kevin, you suck too.

Seriously, though, the 'changing of the guard' I speculated about after week 4 seems to be happening, dammit.  Los Diablos are a joke, Jody and I are wallowing in mediocrity, and even Merrill is starting to sink into oblivion.  Is this really what TTFFL is coming to?  Taylor playing dominant football?  Aaron and Adam in playoff contention, not to mention Levi?  What's the deal?  I thought after I joined the league in 2007 and dominated it for 3 years, we put in place an unwritten rule that newcomers could never succeed!

(I know Pete is also flirting with the playoffs, but he does this every year and it never amounts to anything.  There's nothing to see here; move along.  The fact that Jason is contending for a playoff spot is also mildly surprising, but as with Pete, I have no reason to believe it will last).

Finally, I'll take this opportunity to make my first reminder about the trading deadline.  The trading deadline is coming up in a little over a month, on Wednesday, November 30.  I mention this only because, well, I don't mean to tell you guys how to run your teams, but some of y'all could use some help.  I mean, look at me: goodness know *I* need help, and I'm getting it, too.  Why, just one week after unloading Tim Hightower, he's out for the season --- a narrow escape!  Of course, it's far from clear that the guy I got in the Hightower trade will be any more productive; meanwhile, Marques Colston is putting up huge numbers for the Hippos.

But as you know, I am undeterred.  Kevin, who is another desperate loser --- and also someone who needs help with his fantasy team --- negotiated back and forth with me for some time before agreeing to a blockbuster trade involving a bunch of possibly-relevant players: Philip Rivers, Peyton Hillis and Malcolm Floyd for TEBOW, Demariyus Thomas and Deion Branch.  My reasons for making the trade are obvious: If can build a time machine and go back to 2010, I'm going to have one awesome fantasy team.  I mean, seriously: Rivers, Best, Hillis, Floyd, Roddy White, Josh Freeman, Mike Williams, Brandon Marshall --- I'm toying with changing my team name to the 'Psychotic Underachievers'.

As for Kevin's reasons for making the trade, well, I can't put it any better than Kevin himself:

Lord knows my team is bad (again) so I figured acquire the man that has direct contact with God to lead the best fantasy comeback in history. Let Tim Tebow lead the GG's out of the ashes and into the light! Praise the Lord! Can I get a Hallelujah?! Amen my brothers!

Hard to argue with that logic.  And with that, we bring to a close the Commissioner's Review of the TTFFL at its Halfway Point.  Good luck to everyone next week, especially --- um --- Kevin, and Merrill, and Jody and Nick.  I don't care what happens in the Leviathans/Screaming Eagles matchup, since I want them both to lose.

And hey, I'll even wish my opponent Kubicek good luck, confident in the knowledge that it will do him no good.

And Merrill sucks.

Don't cry little Ninja ...

I'm sure Jahvid Best will play again some day. Meanwhile, look for Brees-to-Colston to give the mighty Hippos their second weekly win in a row. Thanks Ninjas! Always a pleasure to do business with you.

Somebody's Going to Emergency, Somebody's Going to Jail

First off, I'd like to congratulate Levi on notching his first win over a seasoned TTFFL opponent (versus his week 3 win over Team Datanator, another newbie).  Ya gotta love fantasy.  In week 4, Eric Decker blows up for 14 points on my bench, and Michael Bush outscores the guy he's handcuffing, Darren McFadden.  So week 5 comes, I put in Decker and Bush (because my only other startable RBs are on bye), and they combine for zip.  Zilch.  Nada.  Squat.

And yet they BOTH outscored the talented Mike "top 5 fantasy WR" Williams, who contributed negative one point.

Yes, I love this game.

Anyway, congratulations again to Levi.  And in fairness, I suppose I should congratulate Nick, too, on his first TTFFL win against an established opponent, but that was a win against Kevin, so it doesn't really count.  I would like to congratulate him on his victory over Merrill in week 5 --- I mean, I would really, really like to congratulate him on his victory over Merrill --- but I can't, because for some reason he started Marshawn Lynch over Frank Gore, and thus fought Merrill to a draw instead of claiming victory.

What did we tell you at the draft, Nick?  The object of this league --- is to beat Merrill.

Anyway --- the real reason I'm posting now is not to talk about Levi's victory or Nick's tie, or even about the severe beating I plan to administer to Nick in our game this week --- but to point out that finally in week 6, we're practically guaranteed that either Taylor or Aaron will finally taste defeat, as they play one another.  It's like the playoffs in September, except that it's October.  Personally, I think the game is Taylor's to lose, especially since he can (and probably will) start both Miles Austin and Dez Bryant at WR.  How did we let Taylor end up with both of those guys?

As it happens, Jason and Adam are meeting in another matchup of high-seeded teams, which would be a matchup between the #3 and #4 seed if Merrill hadn't somehow avoided a loss last week (*ahem*, Nick).

Most of the other matchups are interesting as well.  We'll see if Kevin can avenge the savage 72-39 beating Jody handed him in week 3, when we have the second Battle of the Brothers Graham; Kubicek will attempt to finally get off the schneid when he goes up against the mighty River Horses in the second Battle of Oakland University; and I will once again show Nick how it's done in the second Pearson Throwdown.

Only the game between Levi and Merrill has no secondary theme.  But we can hope that they start a tradition of Levi Kicking Merrill's Ass.  Go Levi!  If you can beat a Ninja, you can certainly beat a Marauder!

Call him Ishmael

Ben Roethlisberger, you truly are the scourge of the Leviathans. Not only do you put up 1, 2, or 7 points the weeks I'm foolish enough to play you, but the week I bench you there's 18 points before the end of the first half. It's allright though, because I still plan to beat Ninjas mercilessly.

TTFFL: Report at the Quarter Pole

So, if the playoffs were today, the matchups would be:

• Suspended Atomnation at Yac Attack
• Merrill's Marauders at Strike Team

No Puttheads, no Ninjas, and sure as hell no Diablos!  Does this season mark a changing of the guard in the TTFFL?  Or will Taylor manage to face-plant badly enough the next ten weeks to avoid the playoffs again?  Will Merrill manage to make a stand for the old school, or will he, too, go the way of the Diablos?

And now that Arian Foster and (presumably) Steven Jackson are fully healthy, will Los Diablos stage a comeback run, only to fall short of the playoffs in the final weeks?  Hey Paul, you know Pete did that last year, maybe he can give you some pointers.

And what the hell is up with the Ninjas?  Was my early-season faith in Josh Freeman and Mike Williams misplaced?  It certainly appears so!  Will this be the first season ever for the Ninjas to miss the playoffs since they joined the league?  Mon dieu!

Strike!

Okay, I'll admit it.  Going into last night's Jets-Ravens game with a 14-point lead, I thought I had dodged a bullet.  Jay Cutler and Rob Gronkowski somehow combined for zero total points, and no one on Aaron's team had done much other than his Lions players (and the Lions DST scored the most points for my team --- Kubicek, take note).

I mean, hey, the Ravens DST is good, but 14 points worth of good?  Nah.  This one was in the bag for the Ninjas.

Or not.

The pity is, putting up only 69 points, this was a good opportunity to hang a loss on Strike Team --- and I let the league down.  Sorry about that, guys.

On another subject --- the woeful 0-4 Los Diablos --- in a previous post Kubicek wrote:

. . . the Bills and Lions are 3-0 and yours truly couldn't beat a fanstasy team organized by a first grader.  What gives?

Well, let's see.  I seem to recall some owner boasting during the draft of his ironclad principle to 'never draft a Lion' --- and the Lions are one of the two hottest teams in the league.  I'm guessing there might actually be a link between Detroit's good fortune and the Diablos' misfortune, if one looks hard enough.

Dead Diablos

Please find a picture of a guy in a redsuit with a pitchfork lying dead in a gutter. That would be a good representation of my team this year--or, better, maybe, just find some guys with torn ACLs, brusied thighs, etc. and put them on a bench as they watch a bunch of wannabes play football. Yeah, karma caught up to me, but maybe, just maybe, the Diablos, like Lucifer himself, can't simply be killed off that easily. Perhaps I'll be back, racking up my first week in Week 11 or 12 and wrecking someone's playoff chances. So, take pity on the Diablos, lest hubris leads you to fall victim to their might (assuming they ever recover).

But seriously, folks--the Bills and Lions are 3-0 and yours truly couldn't beat a fanstasy team organized by a first grader. What gives??

Run, Strike Team, Run!

Man, I like the pattern we've got going here!  Someone trash talks their opponent the week before their game, and they win!

Let's see --- Aaron's team lacks healthy, qualified running backs.  AND they lost Kenny Britt for the year!  Oh noes!

BTW Pete, I got your Buffalo/Hippo motif right here:

See, what you've got here is your basic hippo trembling in fear as it is surrounded by many mighty buffalo.  Kind of how your team trembled in fear and --- what was it you said?  Oh right.  They 'dropped a load' in they face of the mighty Ninjas, led as they were by Buffalo's mighty Ryan Fitzpatrick.

Fly, Hippos! Fly!

Oh wait, Pete is a little short of healthy, qualified wide receivers.  Yet somehow, he's managed to make it to 2-0, including a lovely victory over the 0-2 Diablos last week (well done, Pete!).  Anyway, it seems that Pete's pre-emptive mockery served him well last week, and since I play him this week, I thought I'd give it a try.

By the way, congrats to Jason on taking out Jody last week.  Now if Adam will just take care of Aaron and Kubicek will take care of Taylor (wait a minute; am I rooting for Kubicek?), then I'll beat Pete b a healthy margin and assume my proper place at the top of the league.

Run Diablos! Run!

Oh wait, Kubicek is a little short of healthy, qualified running backs. Hmmm. Could be trouble for the little devils.

Week 1: The First Shall Be First; the Contenders Shall Be Toast

I had an email exchange with Taylor earlier tonight, and he pointed out something I hadn't really noticed.  Jody won his opening 2011 game in convincing fashion, beating the living daylights out of Los Diablos --- I'm sure all of you enjoyed that one as much as I did --- but there was more to the weekend than that.

In my 4 years in the league, only 4 teams have played in the title game.  The Psychotic Ninjas (of course), playing in and winning 3 years in a row, until last year; the Puttheads, who lost 2 of those 3 title games to the Ninjas, then won last year; Merrill's Marauders, who lost to the Ninjas in 2009, and Los Diablos, who lost to the Puttheads last year.  So by that measure, the Ninjas, Puttheads, Marauders and Los Diablos have been the best teams in the league over the last four years.

As noted above, Los Diablos had their asses handed to them by the Puttheads.  But due to some wormhole in the time-space continuum or something, Ninjas also lost to Yac Attack, and Merrill lost to (*snicker*) KEVIN.  So not only did Jody make a bold first step on the road to repeating, but his three closest competitors are all headed in the wrong direction.  Some of them drastically so (*cough* Kubicek *cough*).

And Kevin, what up, man?  You lay the smackdown on Merrill, and you wait for me to point it out?  That's messed up, dude.

Anyway, we all know the Ninjas will return to their dominant ways, but as for Los Diablos and Merrill, well, I just don't know.

Also, note that our newbies struggled in their first games, but I'm sure they'll get their feet under them soon --- but maybe not this weekend.  Nick has to play Ninjas this weekend, so he'll be falling to 0-2, and Levi has to go up against Strike Team, who tied with Jody for high score of the week!  Go, Strike Team!

Predictions from the Commish

I have reviewed the results of our just-completed draft, and have come to the conclusion that the best 2 teams in the league (after the Psychotic Ninjas, of course) are Suspended Atomnation and Strike Team.  If we assume Nick or Levi sneak into the playoffs by virtue of beginners' luck (remember my first year in the league, guys?  I know Taylor does.  Good times), then at least we'll have 75% new blood in the playoffs.

I still win the title, of course.

Other bold predictions for the season to come:

• Packers defeat Patriots 38-36 in the Super Bowl (see previous post).
• Josh Freeman will finish in the top 5 among fantasy QBs (check my roster).
• Mike Williams south will finish in the top 5 among fantasy WRs (now check my roster again).
• Delone Carter will finish the year as the Colts' starting RB (now check my roster again).
• The Colts will fail to make the playoffs for the first time in 136 years.
• The Lions will win a playoff game --- and so will the Rams.
• And in TTFFL, the Psychotic Ninjas will reclaim their rightful position as league champions, once again while failing to win a week until the playoffs.

Pack to Repeat in 2011

As some of you may be vaguely aware, Kubicek and I have made the same bet every year since the Reagan administration.  At the start of every NFL season, we each pick a team and bet a certain amount of money.  If one guy picks the Super Bowl winner, the other guy pays.  In more than 25 years of such nonsense, this bet has only been won twice, both times by myself (of course).  I had the 49ers to win SB XVI, and I had the Packers last year.

(There have also been two near misses.  Kubicek had the Rams in SB XXXVI, the year the Patriots claimed their first victory, and I had the Patriots in their near-perfect season in 2007).

This year, I confidently predict that the Packers will repeat and the champs of the NFL, claiming victory over the New England Patriots.  I forsee the game going to the line, with Brady driving the Patriots to a potential game-tying score in the final minute on a 4-yard swing pass to Danny Woodhead.  But the 2-point conversion attempt will fail, and the Packers will hold on to claim victory 38-36 --- and once more Kubicek's money will be mine.

And should anyone care, Kubicek picked the Iggles.

Are You Ready to Rumble?!?

Looks like we're going to have ourselves a football season after all! I can hardly wait to start beating you guys in my usual awesome, dominant way.

You might even say I'm dawesominant.