Last time the Diablos won a game, it was last year, and ESPN had to correct a Sean Jackson fumble to take 2 points away from Ninjas and hand a semi-final victory to the Mighty Diablos. That was the highlight of an illustrious fantasy career.
Well, it's been a while....but getting back in the win column with a pounding of the Ninjas is pretty damn sweet.
Sure, the Diablos are still in the basement, destined to be shut out of the playoffs for like the second time in eight years, but the Diablos (and the rest of the league) can take solace in the defeat of the ever annoying Ninjas as well as the fact that with life restored to my team, Kevin might take over basement duty.
Who's laughing now, Ninja???
(Ed note: This was written by Los Diablos, but posted by The Commissioner. Apparently Blogger doesn't like Kubicek any more than the rest of us do.)
Monday, October 31, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
We're Halfway There!!!
A little over a year ago, I seem to recall writing something about how balanced the league was. That clearly doesn't apply this year, so instead I'll talk about how teams are sprinkled all over the W-L spectrum. At the top, of course, are YAC Attack --- I'm still not convinced Taylor won't find a way to avoid the playoffs again, though he'll really have to work to pull that off --- followed by Aaron with 5 wins, Adam at 4-2-1, and then the surprising Trumbore family and the Screaming Eagles all tied at 4-3. Merrill has managed to drop all the way to 7th place in spite of narrowly cheating Team Datanator out of a win in week 5, but he's still a half-game ahead of the defending champion Puttheads and the former-champion Ninjas, who are knotted at an embarrassing 3-4. Team Datanator is a half game back in 10th place, then there's Kevin in his usual lowly state, and bringing up the rear are:
So far this season, Los Diablos have played fantasy football about as well as this guys probably play actual football.
I'm going to go ahead and boldly predict a Ninja victory over Los Diablos next week, because like my hometown Minnesota Vikings, Los Diablos always manage to find a way to lose. From the violent ass-whupping they got from Jody to start the season, all the way through the not-so-violent-but-nevertheless-an-ass-whupping they got from Levi last week, Los Diablos have never really been in any of their games this season. With the exception of the week 4 70-76 loss to Screaming Eagles, they've never even managed to come within 10 points of victory. Even when they put up a decent number of points, their opponent manages to do much better.
Here's a riddle. What do Jahvid Best, Steve Johnson, Hakeem Nicks, and Darren Sproles all have in common? They all had their best fantasy day when they were up against Los Diablos!
And I have no doubt it will continue. Hey, I'm probably going to start Keiland Williams at RB next week, and I bet he scores at least 2 TDs, because I'm playing Los Diablos. Thanks, Paul, for helping all of our fantasy teams perform better!
But I should apologize for spending so much time singling out and trashing another owner. As usual, Kevin, you suck too.
Seriously, though, the 'changing of the guard' I speculated about after week 4 seems to be happening, dammit. Los Diablos are a joke, Jody and I are wallowing in mediocrity, and even Merrill is starting to sink into oblivion. Is this really what TTFFL is coming to? Taylor playing dominant football? Aaron and Adam in playoff contention, not to mention Levi? What's the deal? I thought after I joined the league in 2007 and dominated it for 3 years, we put in place an unwritten rule that newcomers could never succeed!
(I know Pete is also flirting with the playoffs, but he does this every year and it never amounts to anything. There's nothing to see here; move along. The fact that Jason is contending for a playoff spot is also mildly surprising, but as with Pete, I have no reason to believe it will last).
Finally, I'll take this opportunity to make my first reminder about the trading deadline. The trading deadline is coming up in a little over a month, on Wednesday, November 30. I mention this only because, well, I don't mean to tell you guys how to run your teams, but some of y'all could use some help. I mean, look at me: goodness know *I* need help, and I'm getting it, too. Why, just one week after unloading Tim Hightower, he's out for the season --- a narrow escape! Of course, it's far from clear that the guy I got in the Hightower trade will be any more productive; meanwhile, Marques Colston is putting up huge numbers for the Hippos.
But as you know, I am undeterred. Kevin, who is another desperate loser --- and also someone who needs help with his fantasy team --- negotiated back and forth with me for some time before agreeing to a blockbuster trade involving a bunch of possibly-relevant players: Philip Rivers, Peyton Hillis and Malcolm Floyd for TEBOW, Demariyus Thomas and Deion Branch. My reasons for making the trade are obvious: If can build a time machine and go back to 2010, I'm going to have one awesome fantasy team. I mean, seriously: Rivers, Best, Hillis, Floyd, Roddy White, Josh Freeman, Mike Williams, Brandon Marshall --- I'm toying with changing my team name to the 'Psychotic Underachievers'.
As for Kevin's reasons for making the trade, well, I can't put it any better than Kevin himself:
Hard to argue with that logic. And with that, we bring to a close the Commissioner's Review of the TTFFL at its Halfway Point. Good luck to everyone next week, especially --- um --- Kevin, and Merrill, and Jody and Nick. I don't care what happens in the Leviathans/Screaming Eagles matchup, since I want them both to lose.
And hey, I'll even wish my opponent Kubicek good luck, confident in the knowledge that it will do him no good.
And Merrill sucks.
I'm going to go ahead and boldly predict a Ninja victory over Los Diablos next week, because like my hometown Minnesota Vikings, Los Diablos always manage to find a way to lose. From the violent ass-whupping they got from Jody to start the season, all the way through the not-so-violent-but-nevertheless-an-ass-whupping they got from Levi last week, Los Diablos have never really been in any of their games this season. With the exception of the week 4 70-76 loss to Screaming Eagles, they've never even managed to come within 10 points of victory. Even when they put up a decent number of points, their opponent manages to do much better.
Here's a riddle. What do Jahvid Best, Steve Johnson, Hakeem Nicks, and Darren Sproles all have in common? They all had their best fantasy day when they were up against Los Diablos!
And I have no doubt it will continue. Hey, I'm probably going to start Keiland Williams at RB next week, and I bet he scores at least 2 TDs, because I'm playing Los Diablos. Thanks, Paul, for helping all of our fantasy teams perform better!
But I should apologize for spending so much time singling out and trashing another owner. As usual, Kevin, you suck too.
Seriously, though, the 'changing of the guard' I speculated about after week 4 seems to be happening, dammit. Los Diablos are a joke, Jody and I are wallowing in mediocrity, and even Merrill is starting to sink into oblivion. Is this really what TTFFL is coming to? Taylor playing dominant football? Aaron and Adam in playoff contention, not to mention Levi? What's the deal? I thought after I joined the league in 2007 and dominated it for 3 years, we put in place an unwritten rule that newcomers could never succeed!
(I know Pete is also flirting with the playoffs, but he does this every year and it never amounts to anything. There's nothing to see here; move along. The fact that Jason is contending for a playoff spot is also mildly surprising, but as with Pete, I have no reason to believe it will last).
Finally, I'll take this opportunity to make my first reminder about the trading deadline. The trading deadline is coming up in a little over a month, on Wednesday, November 30. I mention this only because, well, I don't mean to tell you guys how to run your teams, but some of y'all could use some help. I mean, look at me: goodness know *I* need help, and I'm getting it, too. Why, just one week after unloading Tim Hightower, he's out for the season --- a narrow escape! Of course, it's far from clear that the guy I got in the Hightower trade will be any more productive; meanwhile, Marques Colston is putting up huge numbers for the Hippos.
But as you know, I am undeterred. Kevin, who is another desperate loser --- and also someone who needs help with his fantasy team --- negotiated back and forth with me for some time before agreeing to a blockbuster trade involving a bunch of possibly-relevant players: Philip Rivers, Peyton Hillis and Malcolm Floyd for TEBOW, Demariyus Thomas and Deion Branch. My reasons for making the trade are obvious: If can build a time machine and go back to 2010, I'm going to have one awesome fantasy team. I mean, seriously: Rivers, Best, Hillis, Floyd, Roddy White, Josh Freeman, Mike Williams, Brandon Marshall --- I'm toying with changing my team name to the 'Psychotic Underachievers'.
As for Kevin's reasons for making the trade, well, I can't put it any better than Kevin himself:
Lord knows my team is bad (again) so I figured acquire the man that has direct contact with God to lead the best fantasy comeback in history. Let Tim Tebow lead the GG's out of the ashes and into the light! Praise the Lord! Can I get a Hallelujah?! Amen my brothers!
Hard to argue with that logic. And with that, we bring to a close the Commissioner's Review of the TTFFL at its Halfway Point. Good luck to everyone next week, especially --- um --- Kevin, and Merrill, and Jody and Nick. I don't care what happens in the Leviathans/Screaming Eagles matchup, since I want them both to lose.
And hey, I'll even wish my opponent Kubicek good luck, confident in the knowledge that it will do him no good.
And Merrill sucks.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Don't cry little Ninja ...
I'm sure Jahvid Best will play again some day. Meanwhile, look for Brees-to-Colston to give the mighty Hippos their second weekly win in a row. Thanks Ninjas! Always a pleasure to do business with you.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Somebody's Going to Emergency, Somebody's Going to Jail
First off, I'd like to congratulate Levi on notching his first win over a seasoned TTFFL opponent (versus his week 3 win over Team Datanator, another newbie). Ya gotta love fantasy. In week 4, Eric Decker blows up for 14 points on my bench, and Michael Bush outscores the guy he's handcuffing, Darren McFadden. So week 5 comes, I put in Decker and Bush (because my only other startable RBs are on bye), and they combine for zip. Zilch. Nada. Squat.
And yet they BOTH outscored the talented Mike "top 5 fantasy WR" Williams, who contributed negative one point.
Yes, I love this game.
Anyway, congratulations again to Levi. And in fairness, I suppose I should congratulate Nick, too, on his first TTFFL win against an established opponent, but that was a win against Kevin, so it doesn't really count. I would like to congratulate him on his victory over Merrill in week 5 --- I mean, I would really, really like to congratulate him on his victory over Merrill --- but I can't, because for some reason he started Marshawn Lynch over Frank Gore, and thus fought Merrill to a draw instead of claiming victory.
What did we tell you at the draft, Nick? The object of this league --- is to beat Merrill.
Anyway --- the real reason I'm posting now is not to talk about Levi's victory or Nick's tie, or even about the severe beating I plan to administer to Nick in our game this week --- but to point out that finally in week 6, we're practically guaranteed that either Taylor or Aaron will finally taste defeat, as they play one another. It's like the playoffs in September, except that it's October. Personally, I think the game is Taylor's to lose, especially since he can (and probably will) start both Miles Austin and Dez Bryant at WR. How did we let Taylor end up with both of those guys?
As it happens, Jason and Adam are meeting in another matchup of high-seeded teams, which would be a matchup between the #3 and #4 seed if Merrill hadn't somehow avoided a loss last week (*ahem*, Nick).
Most of the other matchups are interesting as well. We'll see if Kevin can avenge the savage 72-39 beating Jody handed him in week 3, when we have the second Battle of the Brothers Graham; Kubicek will attempt to finally get off the schneid when he goes up against the mighty River Horses in the second Battle of Oakland University; and I will once again show Nick how it's done in the second Pearson Throwdown.
Only the game between Levi and Merrill has no secondary theme. But we can hope that they start a tradition of Levi Kicking Merrill's Ass. Go Levi! If you can beat a Ninja, you can certainly beat a Marauder!
And yet they BOTH outscored the talented Mike "top 5 fantasy WR" Williams, who contributed negative one point.
Yes, I love this game.
Anyway, congratulations again to Levi. And in fairness, I suppose I should congratulate Nick, too, on his first TTFFL win against an established opponent, but that was a win against Kevin, so it doesn't really count. I would like to congratulate him on his victory over Merrill in week 5 --- I mean, I would really, really like to congratulate him on his victory over Merrill --- but I can't, because for some reason he started Marshawn Lynch over Frank Gore, and thus fought Merrill to a draw instead of claiming victory.
What did we tell you at the draft, Nick? The object of this league --- is to beat Merrill.
Anyway --- the real reason I'm posting now is not to talk about Levi's victory or Nick's tie, or even about the severe beating I plan to administer to Nick in our game this week --- but to point out that finally in week 6, we're practically guaranteed that either Taylor or Aaron will finally taste defeat, as they play one another. It's like the playoffs in September, except that it's October. Personally, I think the game is Taylor's to lose, especially since he can (and probably will) start both Miles Austin and Dez Bryant at WR. How did we let Taylor end up with both of those guys?
As it happens, Jason and Adam are meeting in another matchup of high-seeded teams, which would be a matchup between the #3 and #4 seed if Merrill hadn't somehow avoided a loss last week (*ahem*, Nick).
Most of the other matchups are interesting as well. We'll see if Kevin can avenge the savage 72-39 beating Jody handed him in week 3, when we have the second Battle of the Brothers Graham; Kubicek will attempt to finally get off the schneid when he goes up against the mighty River Horses in the second Battle of Oakland University; and I will once again show Nick how it's done in the second Pearson Throwdown.
Only the game between Levi and Merrill has no secondary theme. But we can hope that they start a tradition of Levi Kicking Merrill's Ass. Go Levi! If you can beat a Ninja, you can certainly beat a Marauder!
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Call him Ishmael
Ben Roethlisberger, you truly are the scourge of the Leviathans. Not only do you put up 1, 2, or 7 points the weeks I'm foolish enough to play you, but the week I bench you there's 18 points before the end of the first half. It's allright though, because I still plan to beat Ninjas mercilessly.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
TTFFL: Report at the Quarter Pole
So, if the playoffs were today, the matchups would be:
And now that Arian Foster and (presumably) Steven Jackson are fully healthy, will Los Diablos stage a comeback run, only to fall short of the playoffs in the final weeks? Hey Paul, you know Pete did that last year, maybe he can give you some pointers.
And what the hell is up with the Ninjas? Was my early-season faith in Josh Freeman and Mike Williams misplaced? It certainly appears so! Will this be the first season ever for the Ninjas to miss the playoffs since they joined the league? Mon dieu!
- Suspended Atomnation at Yac Attack
- Merrill's Marauders at Strike Team
And now that Arian Foster and (presumably) Steven Jackson are fully healthy, will Los Diablos stage a comeback run, only to fall short of the playoffs in the final weeks? Hey Paul, you know Pete did that last year, maybe he can give you some pointers.
And what the hell is up with the Ninjas? Was my early-season faith in Josh Freeman and Mike Williams misplaced? It certainly appears so! Will this be the first season ever for the Ninjas to miss the playoffs since they joined the league? Mon dieu!
Monday, October 3, 2011
Strike!
Okay, I'll admit it. Going into last night's Jets-Ravens game with a 14-point lead, I thought I had dodged a bullet. Jay Cutler and Rob Gronkowski somehow combined for zero total points, and no one on Aaron's team had done much other than his Lions players (and the Lions DST scored the most points for my team --- Kubicek, take note).
I mean, hey, the Ravens DST is good, but 14 points worth of good? Nah. This one was in the bag for the Ninjas.
Or not.
The pity is, putting up only 69 points, this was a good opportunity to hang a loss on Strike Team --- and I let the league down. Sorry about that, guys.
On another subject --- the woeful 0-4 Los Diablos --- in a previous post Kubicek wrote:
I mean, hey, the Ravens DST is good, but 14 points worth of good? Nah. This one was in the bag for the Ninjas.
Or not.
The pity is, putting up only 69 points, this was a good opportunity to hang a loss on Strike Team --- and I let the league down. Sorry about that, guys.
On another subject --- the woeful 0-4 Los Diablos --- in a previous post Kubicek wrote:
. . . the Bills and Lions are 3-0 and yours truly couldn't beat a fanstasy team organized by a first grader. What gives?Well, let's see. I seem to recall some owner boasting during the draft of his ironclad principle to 'never draft a Lion' --- and the Lions are one of the two hottest teams in the league. I'm guessing there might actually be a link between Detroit's good fortune and the Diablos' misfortune, if one looks hard enough.
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