Okay, with less blather:
Screaming Eagles and Air Apparent clinch a playoff spot this weekend with a win OR a loss by the Rock-n-it Datarocknators.
Atomnation and Psychotic Ninjas clinch a playoff spot this weekend with a win AND a loss by the Rock-n-it Datarocknators.
Rock-n-it Datarocknators can't clinch a playoff spot this weekend. In order to make the playoffs, Nick needs to win one more game the rest of the season than Atomnation or Ninjas --- OR win two more games the rest of the season than Eagles or Air Apparent.
Golden Graham's can't clinch a playoff spot this weekend. In order to make the playoffs, Kevin needs to win one more game the rest of the season than Rock-n-it Datarocknators AND win two more games the rest of the season than Atomnation or Ninjas AND finish with more points than Rock-n-it Datarocknators (Kevin currently leads Nick by 48 points).
Levi can't clinch a playoff spot this weekend. He needs a freakin' miracle to get a playoff spot. He needs to win his remaining games against Air Apparent and Golden Grahams AND two losses by two of the following teams: Atomnation, Psychotic Ninjas or Rock-n-it Datarocknators AND a net gain of 84-93 points on the Ninjas or Atomnation, depending on which of those two teams actually loses their final two games.
ALSO . . . I actually did the research, and it turns out that Jason has NOT been in first place for the entire season. He held onto first place from week 1-5, then dropped into THIRD behind Atomnation and Air Apparent in week 6, and ascended to first place again in week 10.
On the bottom end, Kubicek has done an impressive job of holding onto last place for the entire season.
Also, it turns out I exagerrated my hard luck story. I have only finished second in scoring for the week four times this season, rather than six as originally claimed. I apologize for the error.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Monday, November 25, 2013
Week 13 Playoff Scenarios
It's a bit early, but it doesn't seem likely that the second half of the Niners/Redskins game is going to have much impact on the week's results, so . . . .
The league-leading Screaming Eagles OR Air Apparent clinched a playoff spot this week. At least one of them will definitely get in, even if they both lose their last two games, but at this point, neither one is guaranteed a playoff spot. Of course, a win for either one in the next two weeks will sew it up, so it's pretty sure they'll make it in.
With their victories this weekend, Adam's 3rd-place Atomnation and the MIGHTY 4TH-PLACE PSYCHOTIC NINJAS didn't clinch playoff spots, either. They *might* clinch a spot with victories next week over Little Choo Choo (haha! Little Choo Choo! Jody's a loser!) and Merrill (haha! Merrill sucks!) respectively, pending the outcome of next week's absolutely FASCINATING matchup between the Rock-n-it Datarocknators and Kevin. Read on.
The week 13 matchup between Nick and Kevin is where the rubber really meets the road. At 7-4-1, Nick keeps his playoff hopes alive with a win (and can even jump up into the top four with losses by Adam and/or yours truly), but his playoff outlook takes a serious blow with a loss. At 6-5-1, Kevin will drop out of the playoff hunt with a loss, so he needs to beat Nick. However, a victory over the Datarocknators will only help Kevin if either Adam or I lose. If Adam and I both win, then a Golden Graham's victory over the Datarocknators will just sew up playoff spots for the two of us.
Finally, Levi still has an outside shot at a playoff berth, but with this week's loss dropping him to 6-6, he needs to finish the season with wins over Taylor and Kevin, and two losses by at least two of the following teams: Atomnation, Ninjas, Datarocknators --- and even then, he's got to make up nearly 100 points on the Ninjas in order to get in on a tiebreaker.
So Levi, it's probably your best move to start planning how you might manage to score the #1 pick again next year.
After that, Aaron, Merrill and Pete join Jody and Kubicek in the "thanks for playing" category. At the moment, all of those guys except Kubicek have a shot to finish 5th place overall and get the #1 pick next year. If Kubicek holds on to defeat Jody, then Jody earns a place in the bottom playoff bracket as well.
And finally, I just wanted to point out that after finishing second in overall scoring SIX TIMES in the first 11 weeks of the season, THE MIGHTY NINJAS finally won a week this week! I'm peaking at just the right time! Will the Ninjas finally reclaim their rightful position as league champion this year? Let's hope so.
Admit it, guys. The league just hasn't been the same without me as your champion, has it?
The league-leading Screaming Eagles OR Air Apparent clinched a playoff spot this week. At least one of them will definitely get in, even if they both lose their last two games, but at this point, neither one is guaranteed a playoff spot. Of course, a win for either one in the next two weeks will sew it up, so it's pretty sure they'll make it in.
With their victories this weekend, Adam's 3rd-place Atomnation and the MIGHTY 4TH-PLACE PSYCHOTIC NINJAS didn't clinch playoff spots, either. They *might* clinch a spot with victories next week over Little Choo Choo (haha! Little Choo Choo! Jody's a loser!) and Merrill (haha! Merrill sucks!) respectively, pending the outcome of next week's absolutely FASCINATING matchup between the Rock-n-it Datarocknators and Kevin. Read on.
The week 13 matchup between Nick and Kevin is where the rubber really meets the road. At 7-4-1, Nick keeps his playoff hopes alive with a win (and can even jump up into the top four with losses by Adam and/or yours truly), but his playoff outlook takes a serious blow with a loss. At 6-5-1, Kevin will drop out of the playoff hunt with a loss, so he needs to beat Nick. However, a victory over the Datarocknators will only help Kevin if either Adam or I lose. If Adam and I both win, then a Golden Graham's victory over the Datarocknators will just sew up playoff spots for the two of us.
Finally, Levi still has an outside shot at a playoff berth, but with this week's loss dropping him to 6-6, he needs to finish the season with wins over Taylor and Kevin, and two losses by at least two of the following teams: Atomnation, Ninjas, Datarocknators --- and even then, he's got to make up nearly 100 points on the Ninjas in order to get in on a tiebreaker.
So Levi, it's probably your best move to start planning how you might manage to score the #1 pick again next year.
After that, Aaron, Merrill and Pete join Jody and Kubicek in the "thanks for playing" category. At the moment, all of those guys except Kubicek have a shot to finish 5th place overall and get the #1 pick next year. If Kubicek holds on to defeat Jody, then Jody earns a place in the bottom playoff bracket as well.
And finally, I just wanted to point out that after finishing second in overall scoring SIX TIMES in the first 11 weeks of the season, THE MIGHTY NINJAS finally won a week this week! I'm peaking at just the right time! Will the Ninjas finally reclaim their rightful position as league champion this year? Let's hope so.
Admit it, guys. The league just hasn't been the same without me as your champion, has it?
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Week 12 Playoff Scenarios
As we head into the stretch run, let's see how everyone is doing . . . .
Leading the Charge
At the top of the league, there's Jason and Taylor in first and second place, respectively, with matching 8-3 records. Neither has clinched a playoff spot yet, and they can't clinch this week, but a victory will get them awfully damn close. As mentioned in my last post, Taylor has decided to win games rather than score points this year (at second place, he's only scored the fifth-most points), and it seems to be serving him well. Jason meanwhile started off the season with a 112-76 shellacking of yours truly, and has held the lead in total points (and possibly been in first place, again, I'm too lazy to check) ever since.
So, it's almost certain he's going to lose the rest of his games and just barely miss out on the playoffs.
Sitting Pretty
At 7-4, Suspended Atomnation and THE MIGHTY NINJAS sit at 3rd and 4th place, respectively. Not much to say at this stage of the season, except that, for crying out loud, I lost to Nick in week 10 even though he didn't start a QB or a kicker!!! What the hell? Tavon Austin scored more points in week 10 than he did in weeks 1-9 combined, and his return TD counted TWICE because Nick also had the Rams D/ST. And no one bothered to give me crap about it! What's wrong with you people?
On the Bubble
Speaking of Nick, he and Levi square off in week 12 with a lot on the line. The winner stands a good chance of getting to the playoffs, while the loser definitely has an uphill climb the rest of the way. The remaining bubble teams are Kevin's fifth-place Golden Graham's, facing a tough matchup this week against Taylor, and defending champion Strike Team, facing another tough matchup against THE MIGHTY NINJAS. At 5-6, a loss this week likely knocks him out of the playoffs --- and it will definitely knock him out if Adam wins his matchup with Pete.
On Life Support
At 4-7, the 9th-place Marauders and the 10th-place River Horses aren't dead yet, but they might as well be. One more loss knocks either of them out, and even if either of them runs the table, their season is over if Atomnation and the Ninjas win just one more game each. For these guys, it's probably best to focus their efforts on trying to finish in the middle playoff bracket (seeds 5-8), so they have a shot at the first overall pick next year.
Thanks for Playing
Jody, or as his friends know him, Little Choo-Choo, and Kubicek are both done for the season. Kubicek's season was done well before it started, actually, when he slept through his alarm and missed the first hour of the draft (that Turkey). Kubicek's 1-10 record is so bad he's already guaranteed to compete for last place, and at 3-8, Jody doesn't have much hope to avoid the 'toilet bowl' himself. Adding insult to injury, these guys are playing each other this weekend, so they can't even do any damage to any contenders.
Man, wouldn't it suck if Jody had to give up the Puttheads nickname for two years running?
Leading the Charge
At the top of the league, there's Jason and Taylor in first and second place, respectively, with matching 8-3 records. Neither has clinched a playoff spot yet, and they can't clinch this week, but a victory will get them awfully damn close. As mentioned in my last post, Taylor has decided to win games rather than score points this year (at second place, he's only scored the fifth-most points), and it seems to be serving him well. Jason meanwhile started off the season with a 112-76 shellacking of yours truly, and has held the lead in total points (and possibly been in first place, again, I'm too lazy to check) ever since.
So, it's almost certain he's going to lose the rest of his games and just barely miss out on the playoffs.
Sitting Pretty
At 7-4, Suspended Atomnation and THE MIGHTY NINJAS sit at 3rd and 4th place, respectively. Not much to say at this stage of the season, except that, for crying out loud, I lost to Nick in week 10 even though he didn't start a QB or a kicker!!! What the hell? Tavon Austin scored more points in week 10 than he did in weeks 1-9 combined, and his return TD counted TWICE because Nick also had the Rams D/ST. And no one bothered to give me crap about it! What's wrong with you people?
On the Bubble
Speaking of Nick, he and Levi square off in week 12 with a lot on the line. The winner stands a good chance of getting to the playoffs, while the loser definitely has an uphill climb the rest of the way. The remaining bubble teams are Kevin's fifth-place Golden Graham's, facing a tough matchup this week against Taylor, and defending champion Strike Team, facing another tough matchup against THE MIGHTY NINJAS. At 5-6, a loss this week likely knocks him out of the playoffs --- and it will definitely knock him out if Adam wins his matchup with Pete.
On Life Support
At 4-7, the 9th-place Marauders and the 10th-place River Horses aren't dead yet, but they might as well be. One more loss knocks either of them out, and even if either of them runs the table, their season is over if Atomnation and the Ninjas win just one more game each. For these guys, it's probably best to focus their efforts on trying to finish in the middle playoff bracket (seeds 5-8), so they have a shot at the first overall pick next year.
Thanks for Playing
Jody, or as his friends know him, Little Choo-Choo, and Kubicek are both done for the season. Kubicek's season was done well before it started, actually, when he slept through his alarm and missed the first hour of the draft (that Turkey). Kubicek's 1-10 record is so bad he's already guaranteed to compete for last place, and at 3-8, Jody doesn't have much hope to avoid the 'toilet bowl' himself. Adding insult to injury, these guys are playing each other this weekend, so they can't even do any damage to any contenders.
Man, wouldn't it suck if Jody had to give up the Puttheads nickname for two years running?
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Hail to Los Diablos!!!
Yes, hail the almighty Diablos, hail. Congratulations not only on ending your epic 8-game losing streak (besting your 2011 start-of-season losing streak by one game), but on doing it against Jason. Well done, Paul, well done indeed.
In fact, since I don't have to play you again this season (and since there's no way you're making the playoffs), I'm going to be rooting for you in all the rest of your games. Sure I'm currently sitting on the 3-seed, but I'll take all the help I can get.
Sorry I haven't provided my usual amount of Commissioner blather this year, but what can I say; I been busy. So this post will have to be a poor substitute for a belated mid-season status report. And I'd like to emphasize, if I may, the word 'poor'.
Starting at the bottom of the standings, we have the aforementioned proud Diablos, sitting on a one-game winning streak. While the autopicker may have screwed Paul but good, it did at least give him some players who might be valuable from this point of the season forward (Shane Vereen, Percy Harvin). So maybe Los Diablos can still make some noise for the rest of the season, maybe win a week or two, and make life a little easier for league-leaders such as myself.
Moving up one notch --- what is wrong with Jody? Seriously. The guy finishes last in the league in 2012, picks up a new team name, and then proceeds to continue the suckiness into 2013. His roster does read like a who's who of fantasy disappointment: Chris Johnson (or is he back, finally?), Steven Jackson, Steve Smith, Marques Colston, RGIII --- not a good year for Choo Choo.
No need, however, to ask what's wrong with Merrill: he sucks. We all know this. And while the autopicker screwed Kubicek at the beginning of the year, Kubicek managed to spread some of the misery to Merill with a clever 2-for-1 trade which sent Arian Foster and his hamstring to the Marauders in exchange for both Buffalo RBs, thus allowing Kubicek to pick the wrong one almost every week while Merrill gets the 'nope, I'm not ready yet' zero from Foster each week.
Defending champion Strike Team is sitting comfortably in ninth place at the moment, but still in the playoff hunt at 4-5. Aaron has also seen his share of disappointment with, for example, Tom Brady. But at least he kept the faith in starting him in week 9, and thus was able to ride the wave past Kevin for the win.
Next up are the River Horses, who I had planned to mock for starting Jason Campbell last week until they damn near beat me with him. I have no idea whether Pete drafted well, and neither does he, as more than half of his current roster consists of free agent pickups. That's no way to build a team, Pete. You need to draft talent and develop it on your own, like the Packers and Ravens (who maybe aren't such a good example right now, but --- moving on).
Once again this year, Nick and his confusingly-named Rock-n-it Datarocknators are showing that autodraft actually can get you a mildly competitive team. Of course, it didn't work out for Kubicek, but I'm choosing to blame that on the fact that he actually showed up for the last half of the draft and drafted about half of his team himself. If he had let autopilot take it all the way like Nick, I feel confident that Kubicek would be 4-4-1 as well.
It seems like every year, there's at least one team (Taylor) who scores a bunch of points yet somehow manages to have a crappy record. That is surprisingly not the case this year, but the guy with the most to complain about in this department is Kevin, who sits in sixth place at 4-4-1 despite scoring the fourth-most points in the league. So we all shrug our shoulders and say eh, so what, it's Kevin. He does have the Stafford/Megatron combo, though and --- let's check quick --- yeah, I'm not playing him again, either, so go for it, Kevin. Score a bunch more points, really knock it out of the park. Just stay out of the playoffs.
This brings us to the Leviathans, just barely on the outside looking in if the playoffs started today --- the same place where they finished last season, as a matter of fact. He should be able to do some damage in the final 5 games of the season, with AP and the combination of Kaepernick and Vernon Davis --- which would be a lot more potent if the 49ers hadn't suddenly remembered that they're a run-first team. I also notice that ALMOST half of Levi's team are free agent acquisitions --- like father, like son, I guess.
Now we finally get to discuss the top four teams at the moment, starting with Taylor and his overachieving Air Apparent, who put up 109 points this past week. That's probably a high for the season; I don't know, I'm too lazy to check. Whatever the case may be, I'm getting really tired of finishing SECOND in points each week. This is the FIFTH week this year that I've been second in overall points, thus missing out on the $15 weekly prize. You guys are killing me! Anyway, despite his strong showing this past week, Taylor is actually uncharacteristically LOW in scoring this year at only fifth overall. Which, I guess, means that we should all be very afraid of him.
As for the third-place Ninjas, what can I say that hasn't already been said? That's right; third in terms of record, third in overall points scored, no holes in the roster. You've been warned.
The Screaming Eagles are currently second both by record and by total points scored, and would probably be rubbing elbows with Merrill and Kubicek right about now if it weren't for the mighty Peyton Manning. Actually, the guy's got Alf Morris too, who might eventually get one or two goal line carries when Shanahan gets tired of giving them to guys he pulls off the street, plus a murderer's row of receivers in Marshall, VJax and Eric Decker. So, um, please don't hurt me, Jason (yeah, but I've got Gronk AND Jordan Cameron for my tight ends, so nanny-nanny boo-boo!).
And last --- and probably least --- is Adam, sitting proudly atop the league with the only 7-2 record AND the most points scored on the season, despite his recent loss to the Leviathans. It's actually kind of hard to figure out how Adam has done this well with players like Tony Romo (sure, he had one HUGE game, but has been very average otherwise), Ray Rice and Antonio Brown, but somehow he's made it work.
I would be very nervous if I were you, Adam. You've been in this league long enough to know that success almost never lasts. You may be lucky to finish the season 8-6.
And with that, let's begin the charge to the playoffs! Los Diablos' season is over, of course, but everyone else still has a chance. And lest we all forget, it most certainly IS possible to stage a run into the playoffs almost no matter how bad off you are. Let's not forget the lesson of last year's little engine that could (sorry, Jody), when the Ninjas staged a mad, 9-win run to go from worst to first in the final game of the regular season!
(Before losing both playoff games and ending up with a crappy draft pick AND no money. Like I said, success almost never lasts in this league.)
In fact, since I don't have to play you again this season (and since there's no way you're making the playoffs), I'm going to be rooting for you in all the rest of your games. Sure I'm currently sitting on the 3-seed, but I'll take all the help I can get.
Sorry I haven't provided my usual amount of Commissioner blather this year, but what can I say; I been busy. So this post will have to be a poor substitute for a belated mid-season status report. And I'd like to emphasize, if I may, the word 'poor'.
Starting at the bottom of the standings, we have the aforementioned proud Diablos, sitting on a one-game winning streak. While the autopicker may have screwed Paul but good, it did at least give him some players who might be valuable from this point of the season forward (Shane Vereen, Percy Harvin). So maybe Los Diablos can still make some noise for the rest of the season, maybe win a week or two, and make life a little easier for league-leaders such as myself.
Moving up one notch --- what is wrong with Jody? Seriously. The guy finishes last in the league in 2012, picks up a new team name, and then proceeds to continue the suckiness into 2013. His roster does read like a who's who of fantasy disappointment: Chris Johnson (or is he back, finally?), Steven Jackson, Steve Smith, Marques Colston, RGIII --- not a good year for Choo Choo.
No need, however, to ask what's wrong with Merrill: he sucks. We all know this. And while the autopicker screwed Kubicek at the beginning of the year, Kubicek managed to spread some of the misery to Merill with a clever 2-for-1 trade which sent Arian Foster and his hamstring to the Marauders in exchange for both Buffalo RBs, thus allowing Kubicek to pick the wrong one almost every week while Merrill gets the 'nope, I'm not ready yet' zero from Foster each week.
Defending champion Strike Team is sitting comfortably in ninth place at the moment, but still in the playoff hunt at 4-5. Aaron has also seen his share of disappointment with, for example, Tom Brady. But at least he kept the faith in starting him in week 9, and thus was able to ride the wave past Kevin for the win.
Next up are the River Horses, who I had planned to mock for starting Jason Campbell last week until they damn near beat me with him. I have no idea whether Pete drafted well, and neither does he, as more than half of his current roster consists of free agent pickups. That's no way to build a team, Pete. You need to draft talent and develop it on your own, like the Packers and Ravens (who maybe aren't such a good example right now, but --- moving on).
Once again this year, Nick and his confusingly-named Rock-n-it Datarocknators are showing that autodraft actually can get you a mildly competitive team. Of course, it didn't work out for Kubicek, but I'm choosing to blame that on the fact that he actually showed up for the last half of the draft and drafted about half of his team himself. If he had let autopilot take it all the way like Nick, I feel confident that Kubicek would be 4-4-1 as well.
It seems like every year, there's at least one team (Taylor) who scores a bunch of points yet somehow manages to have a crappy record. That is surprisingly not the case this year, but the guy with the most to complain about in this department is Kevin, who sits in sixth place at 4-4-1 despite scoring the fourth-most points in the league. So we all shrug our shoulders and say eh, so what, it's Kevin. He does have the Stafford/Megatron combo, though and --- let's check quick --- yeah, I'm not playing him again, either, so go for it, Kevin. Score a bunch more points, really knock it out of the park. Just stay out of the playoffs.
This brings us to the Leviathans, just barely on the outside looking in if the playoffs started today --- the same place where they finished last season, as a matter of fact. He should be able to do some damage in the final 5 games of the season, with AP and the combination of Kaepernick and Vernon Davis --- which would be a lot more potent if the 49ers hadn't suddenly remembered that they're a run-first team. I also notice that ALMOST half of Levi's team are free agent acquisitions --- like father, like son, I guess.
Now we finally get to discuss the top four teams at the moment, starting with Taylor and his overachieving Air Apparent, who put up 109 points this past week. That's probably a high for the season; I don't know, I'm too lazy to check. Whatever the case may be, I'm getting really tired of finishing SECOND in points each week. This is the FIFTH week this year that I've been second in overall points, thus missing out on the $15 weekly prize. You guys are killing me! Anyway, despite his strong showing this past week, Taylor is actually uncharacteristically LOW in scoring this year at only fifth overall. Which, I guess, means that we should all be very afraid of him.
As for the third-place Ninjas, what can I say that hasn't already been said? That's right; third in terms of record, third in overall points scored, no holes in the roster. You've been warned.
The Screaming Eagles are currently second both by record and by total points scored, and would probably be rubbing elbows with Merrill and Kubicek right about now if it weren't for the mighty Peyton Manning. Actually, the guy's got Alf Morris too, who might eventually get one or two goal line carries when Shanahan gets tired of giving them to guys he pulls off the street, plus a murderer's row of receivers in Marshall, VJax and Eric Decker. So, um, please don't hurt me, Jason (yeah, but I've got Gronk AND Jordan Cameron for my tight ends, so nanny-nanny boo-boo!).
And last --- and probably least --- is Adam, sitting proudly atop the league with the only 7-2 record AND the most points scored on the season, despite his recent loss to the Leviathans. It's actually kind of hard to figure out how Adam has done this well with players like Tony Romo (sure, he had one HUGE game, but has been very average otherwise), Ray Rice and Antonio Brown, but somehow he's made it work.
I would be very nervous if I were you, Adam. You've been in this league long enough to know that success almost never lasts. You may be lucky to finish the season 8-6.
And with that, let's begin the charge to the playoffs! Los Diablos' season is over, of course, but everyone else still has a chance. And lest we all forget, it most certainly IS possible to stage a run into the playoffs almost no matter how bad off you are. Let's not forget the lesson of last year's little engine that could (sorry, Jody), when the Ninjas staged a mad, 9-win run to go from worst to first in the final game of the regular season!
(Before losing both playoff games and ending up with a crappy draft pick AND no money. Like I said, success almost never lasts in this league.)
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