The Marauders Marauded

It was a cold winter in the Marauders' paddock in 2021.

After restoring their glory with a 2019 championship run that featured one of the deepest and highest-scoring teams in TTFFL history, the Marauders collapsed in 2020 to 5-8. To be fair, that 2020 season was actually much worse than the record indicated, given that the Marauders finished absolutely dead last in points scored.

Performances like that do not sit well with the what-have-you-done-for-me-lately fans in Marauderville. But the Marauders are a proud franchise, and they were determined to prove that the 2020 debacle was nothing but a hangover. The day after the 2020 season came to its merciful conclusion, the Marauders replaced nearly their entire personnel staff. Asked by a local sports talk host why the team was spending seven days a week in January preparing for the following September’s draft, the Marauders’ owner responded, “Because we can’t work eight days a week.”

The draft prep was guided by a back-to-basics philosophy that resulted in the eventual selection of Russell Wilson, the Marauders’ 2019 signal caller, in the sixth round of the 2021 draft. But it was more than just back to basics. The Marauders stepped away from their usual bias for semi-washed up brand names -- think Todd Gurley and Odell Beckham Jr. -- to search for hidden gems. Through tens of millions of simulations on their newly purchased neural network, the Marauders zeroed in on the injury-prone Deebo Samuel, whom they ended up stealing in the eighth round. After the draft, the Marauders used trades and waiver acquisitions to achieve much of the double- and triple-layered depth that characterized their 2019 team.

There were rumors about a third of the way through the season that the trade-happy Marauders were seeking to deal Samuel for Tyler Lockett, Wilson’s electric but inconsistent wide receiver. But those rumors never turned into reality, which proved fortunate because "Dee-Bull" became the very top scoring receiver (and side-order running back) the rest of the way. The Marauders somehow also ended up with Davonte Adams on their roster at some point along the way.

Sunday, it all paid off, as the Marauders defeated ~AirMex, 125-91, to capture their second title in three years, a stunning resurgence after a nearly two-decade drought that dated all the way back to the Marshall Faulk era. 

It will take time to determine this Marauders team's place in history. Unlike the 2019 edition, which was among the highest scoring teams of all time, this year's Marauders did not lead the league in points, and did not even capture a single Weekly scoring crown during the regular season. 

But this was one of the most consistent teams ever, which was especially notable because this season was almost completely lacking in continuity. 

Only once did the Marauders fail to score at least 80 points in a week (a feat that was matched by just one other team). The Marauders finished the season 13-3. Aside from losses to AirMex and Air Apparent -- which were first and second in points scored -- the Marauders' only loss came in Week 4 at the hands (or teeth?) of the Detroit KneeBiters, who used a late Austin Ekeler touchdown to nip them, 131-128. The Marauders’ 128 points in that losing effort were the second-highest in the league that week and, coincidentally, the most that the Marauders scored all season.

 

This is not to say that the Marauders did not face adversity. Their first-round draft pick, superstar Alvin Kamara, was injured on and off throughout the season and his performance was hindered by the New Orleans Saints diseased offense. Wilson, meanwhile, spent much of the season looking like Jared Goff on a bad day (as the chief Marauder, himself, noted during the season). But the Marauders skillfully patched those holes with unappetizing alternatives, biding their time for Kamara to heal and Russ to put his chef's hat back on –  which he did, for the playoffs. 

The Marauders saved their best for last, spooling up nearly 120 points in the regular season finale to clinch a first-round bye in the playoffs and then 125 points in both of their playoff contests. The Marauders chose their first playoff game to notch their first Weekly honors. 

The Marauders' late season dominance obscured the near perfect season enjoyed by AirMex in GP’s return to the helm of the team he founded. Mex cruised to an 11-3 regular season mark, never falling out of first place. Despite the disappointing championship game loss, Mex will be able to take solace in winning the prestigious but unofficial regular season points title, which they claimed in the season's final week by overtaking Air Apparent.  

Mex, like the Marauders, was a portrait of consistency, scoring at least 75 points every week, a distinction that not even the Marauders can claim. They had the wisdom -- perhaps aided by an auto-selection necessitated by a power outage -- to draft Matthew Stafford. Another choice, Mark Andrews, sprung to life in the second half of the season to lead all tight ends in points. Even old stand-bys like Ezekiel Elliott, the subject of much kvetching, gave them enough each week to win and win and win. Mex also led the league in transactions, including the acquisition of Justin Jackson, who carried them into the championship game. In the process, Mex crushed the dreams of Air Apparent, becoming perhaps the first team in league history to defeat another team three times in the same season.

  

Air Apparent (third place) was close or "close to close" again, returning to the playoffs and narrowly missing the overall points crown. Its management bypassed the more highly touted Christian McCaffrey, Dalvin Cook and Alvin Kamara to take Derek Henry with the second overall draft pick. The choice was designed for the playoffs, given the others' injury histories and Henry's penchant for gaining momentum when the leaves fall off trees. Things were progressing ahead of schedule as Henry steamrolled everything in his path for the first half of the season. But the party ended prematurely when the locomotive chipped a wheel in Week 8. 

The defending champion Leviathans (fourth place) defied all sorts of odds this year. They became only the second team in the ESPN era to make the playoffs in the year after winning a title. The Leviathans somehow managed to sail to a 9-5 record despite scoring the third-fewest points, largely because their opponents also scored the third-fewest points. (That still does not really explain 9-5, come to think of it.) But the Leviathans scored when they needed to and were aided by timely explosions from quarterback Josh Allen, whom they wisely drafted in the third round.

The Leviathans made among the fewest transactions, but they chose well. They picked up the previously moribund Russell Gage, who both turned into a consistent producer and delivered a very timely 15 points in the first round of the playoffs, giving the Leviathans just enough to win the Trumbore Bowl and advance to the semifinals.

Like the Leviathans, the Screaming Eagles (fifth place) mastered the art of doing more with less. Despite finishing last overall in points, they stood on the doorstep of the playoffs until fading in the season's final weeks. The Eagles awoke from their slumber with three straight wins in the consolation tier of the playoffs, including a Weekly Win, to secure the first overall pick in next year's draft. What the Eagles lacked in superstars, they made up for in consistency, as a high percentage of their draft picks worked out, more or less. Second-rounder Tyreek Hill ended up having a good year by most receivers' standards, but only so-so for him. If he had been the Hill of old, the Eagles might have returned to the championship game.

Always explosive Atomnation (sixth place) suffered a dreadful start to the season due to the misfortune of their opponents scoring an ungodly number of points. Atom decided to snap their losing streak once and for all in week 5 by ringing up 163 points, which still stands as the single-game record under the new scoring system. Atom had their moments as the year progressed, periodically knocking on the playoff door but never quite kicking the SOB down. Atom had 65 more points scored against them than the team giving up the second most, and 125 more than the team giving up the third most. That is a lot. They won their first two postseason games, giving themselves a morale booster and a high draft pick to look forward to in 22.

The Diablos (seventh place*) had perhaps the most spirited season of any team. Helmed by both Paul and Jonah Kubicek, they were staring at an almost fatal 1-4 start before Jonathan Taylor rescued them with a flurry of touchdowns to give them a 0.14 point win over the Golden Grahams in a game now known in Diablos-lore as the Monday Night Miracle. The Diablos used that escape as a springboard to propel them to an 8-6 record and a playoff berth. Taylor and the Diablos' selection of Ja'Marr Chase, who was widely viewed as a disaster in the preseason, looked poised to carry the Diablos to an improbable championship before Chase unexpectedly fell asleep during the first round of the playoffs. Not to be deterred, the Diablos rebounded with by scoring 110 points in the consolation-tier second round and 130 points in the third round, winning Weekly honors.  *But for the fact that the league office sent the wrong opponent to play the Diablos in the second round of the playoffs, the Diablos would have won the consolation tier and, with it, the first overall selection next year. As with questions surrounding the remaining four years of dead salary on Urban Meyer's contract, one can be sure that lawyers will be involved in working this one out.

The Horses of the Orion River (eighth place), like the Diablos, bounced off the deck to put themselves in the thick of things. The Horses strung together a five-game winning streak at the end of the season to put themselves in the playoffs. It was the season's longest winning streak (since tied by the champion Marauders). The Horses' methods were unconventional. They selected Patrick Mahomes with the first overall pick, which few pundits would have recommended. Then they went with a Detroit Lion and a Cincinnati Bengal as their running backs. Those are never safe things to do. But Deandre Swift and Joe Mixon worked out, and Mahomes saved his best for the first week of the playoffs. If he'd only thrown a few of his passes to receivers besides Travis Kelce that week, the Horses would have won the Trumbore Bowl and advanced in the playoffs.

The Golden Grahams (ninth place) were the fan favorites of IBM Watson, which relentlessly predicted that the Grahams would finish near the top of the standings even as the Grahams lost week after week ... after week. Such a top-tier finish did not occur, but maybe Watson knew something, after all. The Grahams finished fourth overall in points scored. The Grahams had a solid core, anchored by quarterback Bobby Justin Herbert. They also had tough luck. Their first-round choice, Dalvin Cook, was periodically on the shelf throughout the season and their gamble on Darren Waller did not pay off. But the Grahams made up for that by picking up the reborn Cordarrelle Patterson and by choosing rooking running back Michael Carter, a New Yok Jet, for God's sake. (Is there something about the Grahams and New York Jets, or does it just seem that way?) At one point, the Grahams were looking at a last place finish, but they saved face with a two-game winning streak, including a satisfying finale in the Graham Bowl against ...  

... The Detroit KneeBiters (formerly Harbaughs) (tenth place) who, well, fell on hard times. The KneeBiters started off 3-1, which was promising enough. But then they lost nine of their next 10. What happened to these cats? Besides naming themselves after a Detroit Lions coach, it is unclear. The Knees drafted Austin Ekeler (great), Jalen Hurts (surprisingly great), Mike Evans (fine) and AJ Green (good). Yes, most of their draft ended up on a scrap heap, but the same can be said for most teams. The best explanation seems to be that they expended too much energy defeating the Marauders in week four and then suffered a crushing defeat (115-108) to AirMex the next week. What would have been a 4-1 start turned to 3-2, and maybe the KneeBiters had just had enough. 

Strike Team (11th place) had the most unheralded season of all. They started out 0-6, partly due to losing a couple of heartbreakers, including a 117.9 to 117.4 crusher. Meanwhile, literally the majority of their starters, including top draft pick Christian McCaffrey, were injured in the first few games of the season. But Strike quietly kept at it, going 5-3 the rest of the way and winning Weekly honors in both of the regular season's last two games, including a 145-95 walloping of Air Apparent that was aided by the acquisition of Rashad Penny. Strike lost their mojo in the first couple rounds of the postseason, but recovered to make a bid for a third Weekly title in the final round, tallying 125 points to beat ...  

... Laces Out (12th place), who just had the misfortune of having all the best laid plans go wrong. Laces put together one of the most highly regarded drafts and continued to supplement its team through roster moves, of which they had the second-most in the league. But their superstar-studded roster, featuring Kyler Murray, Aaron Jones, Saquon Barkley and Brandon Cooks, just did not deliver in line with past performance, aside from Cooks. Keep an eye on Laces Out to rebound in 2022.

 

Inside the Numbers

The four teams finishing at the top of the standings have now accounted for the last five championships, Leviathans and Marauders two each; AirMex (under different management) one; Air Apparent zero.

AirMex has made the playoffs the last eight years, which is all eight years they have been in the league during the ESPN era. The streak bridges the gap from GP’s return to the league in 2014, his departure, and his second return in 2021. 

The three top finishers in the regular season standings -- AirMex, Marauders and Leviathans -- had the three lowest numbers of points against. The fourth-place finisher, Air Apparent, had the third-most points against.

Weekly high-points honors were distributed almost as equally as mathametically possible, with 11 teams winning at least one week and no team winning more than twice.