2013 Wrap-up

Sorry folks.  It seems I just don't have the time to do a thorough, team-by-team year in review for 2013 like I've done in the past.  On the plus side, that should also curtail the amount of gloating I do about my fourth league title in seven years ---

OR SO YOU MIGHT THINK!!!  NINJAS RULE!!!  BOOYAH!!!

Well, anyway, I still owe some money to some of you guys.  From the previous post, the totals are:

• Adam: $180 - $120 mailed 02/17/2014, remaining $60 pays 2014 league dues.
• Jason: $120
• Taylor: $30
• Kevin: $22.50
• Levi: $15
• Nick: $7.50
• Merrill: $25 (carryover from money he won in Battlin' Sweethearts)

I'm perfectly happy to apply all of this money as credit toward 2014 entry fees --- even for Jason, since he has $110 in league dues next year spread between TTFFL and Battlin' Sweethearts.

But Adam, I need an address for you so I can send you either $180 or $120.  Your choice.

I'll let this post serve as the official record of 2013 league accounting, and update it as necessary as I mail checks to people.  If I don't hear from you, your winnings will be credited to 2014.

Finally, under the rules for draft order which some idiot proposed, this is the draft order for 2014:

1. Rock-n-it Datarocknators (really?!?)
2. Golden Graham's
3. Merrill's Marauders (Merrill!)
4. Leviathans
5. Los Diablos
6. Orion River Horses --- despite only scoring 12 points in his final game of the season.
7. Strike Team
8. Jody's team --- to be named later
9. Air Apparent
10. Screaming Eagles
11. Suspended Atomnation
12. Psychotic Ninjas

I'll end this by noting that Aaron had to draft from the 12 hole in 2013 after winning the title in 2012, and look how well that ended up for him.  I must say, I'm not too optimistic about my chances of a SECOND straight title, never mind three in a row (good times, good times) with this draft order.  But it was my brilliant idea to set things up this way, so I guess I'll just have to live with it.

Get ready for some heavy-duty gloating if I take the title again next year!

Accounting

No blather today, just a breakdown of 2013 accounting.  First, a listing of who gets money for weekly wins:

Screaming Eagles: Weeks 1, 3, 7, 16
Rock-n-it Datarocknators: Week 2 (split with Golden Graham's)
Golden Graham's: Week 2 (split with Rock-n-it Datarocknators), week 11
Suspended Atomnation: Weeks 4, 5, 8, 15
Leviathans: Week 6
Air Apparent: Weeks 9, 10
Psychotic Ninjas: Weeks 12, 13, 14

Next, the payouts for the top finishers:

League Champion: Psychotic Ninjas, $300
2nd Place: Suspended Atomnation, $120
3rd Place: Screaming Eagles, $60

So total payouts are:

Psychotic Ninjas: $300 + $45 = $345
Suspended Atomnation: $120 + $60 = $180
Screaming Eagles: $60 + $60 = $120
Air Apparent: $30
Golden Grahams: $22.50
Leviathans: $15
Rock-n-it Datarocknators: $7.50
Little Choo Choo, Los Diablos, Merrill's Marauders, Orion River Horses, Strike Team: Not a damn thing.

If anyone sees an error in this accounting, speak up.  Also, I'm going to assume that everyone who won something wants their winnings applied to 2014 season dues.  If this is incorrect, please provide a mailing address so I can send you a check.

Also Adam and Jason, since your winnings exceed the amount of league dues, I'll need to send you a check for the extra amount, if not the whole thing (Jason, if you want to apply your extra $60 to Battlin' Sweethearts dues for 2014, I can hold the extra $10 for you if you want).

Ninja!!!

The Ninjas resume their rightful place at the top of the TTFFL

Well, it's certainly taken long enough, but the Ninjas finally got it right, claiming their fourth TTFFL title in seven years, after a convincing 77-64 victory over Suspended Atomnation in the championship game.  It looked like the Ninjas might be in trouble in the early going, as Adam once held a 24-17 lead and still had 7 players remaining against the Ninjas' 5.  But of course in the end, might and right prevailed.

I think I finally have it figured out, guys, and all of you should be scared.  Clearly the pattern here is that my league titles run on a three-years-on, three-years-off schedule.  So get ready, everyone.  No one else is going to get another serious shot at the title until 2016.

I do want to thank Adam for taking Jason out in the semifinals, otherwise the result this year would have been much different.  Sorry for that, Taylor.  This is without a doubt your finest close-but-no-cigar moment.  But hey, at least you get the ninth pick in the draft next year!

Speaking of drafting and such, poor Jody is going to get stuck with another loser name an avatar next year.  I wonder what it will be?  Kevin, I'm open to suggestions.

And as long as we're discussing the loser's bracket, I have to ask: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO PETE!?!  I mean, it's one thing to lose --- or even to put up a low point total for a given week.  But if you take away the seven points tallied by Kirk Cousins against the Cowboys defense --- arguably the worst defense in the league --- Pete only got FIVE points this weekend.

I don't know whether his 12-point total is a record for fewest points scored in a week, but it has to be close.  The scary part is, I'm pretty sure Pete actually tried to field a competitive team (except for playing Wes Welker, who was out with a concussion).  Taylor?  Anyone?  Does anyone know whether Pete managed to set a new standard for pathetic?

Anyway, I will be posting the usual end-of-year nonsense when I'm good and ready.  Until then, I want to wish everyone happy holidays and a Happy New Year.  In particular, I want leave my title-game opponent Adam with this heartfelt Christmas-themed message:

Championship Week Update

FINALLY!!

It took way too long --- four years, to be precise --- but the Ninjas are finally back in the finals, where they belong.

Taylor has been talking up my team for weeks, in what I'm convinced is an effort to double-reverse-jinx me.  Obviously it didn't work last week, though in the early going it sure looked like it would work.  And at the risk of angering the fantasy gods during championship week, I have to agree that Taylor is right.  Looking at my lineup for this week, I noticed something I've never noticed before:

All of my starters are top 10 at their position for the season.  Hell, five of them are in the top five.  If I DON'T win this championship (and I may well not --- Jamaal Charles may score another dozen or so touchdowns for Adam), then I deserve to be ridiculed mercilessly.

Taylor will play the mighty Screaming Eagles, led by Peyton Manning, for third place.  Kevin may actually claim the #1 draft pick next year if he can win his matchup with Nick --- so probably he'll have to settle for drafting second.  Merrill squares off against Levi for the #3 pick, and somehow Kubicek managed to avoid last place.  He will wage a final battle of Oakland University with his colleague Pete to determine who gets the #5 pick.

I really am disappointed that Kubicek won't finish last, especially since I have a shot at the title.  I was planning to name his team The Dozing Turkeys next year to commemorate his draft fiasco.  Ah well.

Instead, Adam or I will get to assign a name to Aaron's team or Jody's, as they battle for the #7 pick in next year's draft.  In an interesting ironic twist, Jody will have the chance to exact some measure of revenge on Aaron who, as last year's champion, saddled Jody with the Little Choo Choo moniker.

Good luck next week, Adam!  Y'all had better hope Adam beats me this week, because you know I win titles in bunches!  If he lets me get started, it might be 2016 before someone else gets a shot!

Yes, There Will be Gloating

YEAH, BABY!!!  THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' 'BOUT!!!

My season started with Jason absolutely spanking me in week 1, when Peyton Manning had his historic 7-touchdown performance and I lost 112-76.

13 weeks later, I repaid the favor when I beat Jason 96-88, despite Peyton having another strong game.  And along the way, I finally caught up with and passed Jason to grab the #1 playoff seed AND the lead in overall points scored.

I think we all remember how well that worked out for me last year.

Jason, obviously, goes into the playoffs as the #2 seed, and with Peyton on his team, he's going to be dangerous any week.  So do me a favor and knock him off for me this week, will you Adam?

For his part, Adam made the final week of the regular season more interesting than it needed to be by letting Los Diablos hang around for a while before getting the win.  Since Taylor fell to the Rock-n-it Datarocknators, Adam needed that win in order grab a playoff spot.  And since Taylor did lose, the playoff spot Adam got was the #3.

Taylor has already written to inform me that he's not excited about having to face me in the first round of the playoffs, and I've assured him that the feeling is mutual.  Sure, my team has performed well lately, and I have the #1 seed, but as I've said many times this season, success doesn't last long in this league.

At least the playoff matchups should be interesting.

I won't discuss much about the consolation brackets at this point, other than to make the following observation.  In the BOTTOM bracket, we have 2010 TTFFL champion Jody (Little Choo Choo), the 2011 TTFFL champion Pete (Orion River Horses), 2012 TTFFL champion Aaron (Strike Team) and 2013 TTFFL screwup Kubicek (Los Diablos) all struggling to avoid last place.  So Jason, Adam and Taylor, maybe you guys don't *want* to win the title, because it seems that winning the title just guarantees future mediocrity.

Or maybe you guys just want to bench all your starters and let ME win the title, thus guaranteeing MY future mediocrity?  Just a suggestion.

(P. S. This really has been an amazing year of fantasy football for me personally, and not just in TTFFL.  If for some reason you're interested in reading more of my gloating, look here).

This One's for Me

Sorry to do this to you, guys, but this is just too good.  I'm nearing the end of what is already a historic fantasy season --- obviously, it has potential to get even better --- and I want to record it for posterity.  And since you guys are my first league, I'm posting it here.

It's not like most of you read my ramblings, anyway.

The short version is: I'm competing in four leagues this year, and after 14 weeks I'm leading ALL of them in total points scored:

TTFFL:

Prism United:

12 Angry Men:

Battlin' Sweethearts:

Okay, um, I don't have a screen shot of this one, because Battlin' Sweethearts plays a 13-week regular season, ESPN stops tracking total points scored at the end of the regular season, and my point total didn't surpass Merrill's until week 14.  But I really am ahead now, by a margin of 1854 to 1829.

I'm also in the playoffs in all four leagues, which isn't surprising until you consider that there isn't always a strong correlation between scoring lots of points and playoff berths (*cough* Taylor *cough*).  I nabbed the #1 seed in both TTFFL and Battlin' Sweethearts, but in the other two leagues I just barely made it in by the skin of my teeth.  In fact, I didn't even manage to win more games than I lost in either league.

In both Prism United and 12 Angry Men, I lost my first four games right out of the gate.  This is particularly surprising considering that both of these teams are anchored by LeSean McCoy and Jimmy Graham.

In Prism United, I started 0-4 and was 2-6 after eight games.  I then finished out the season winning 5 of my final 6 games, including the last four straight.  Even then, I needed two other teams to lose in week 14 AND score enough points to become the league's top scorer in order to grab the #4 seed with a 7-7 record.

12 Angry Men was even more bizarre.  Apart from a 3-game winning streak after my 0-4 start, I didn't manage back-to-back victories all year.  The season ended on a fitting note in week 14, when I scored the second most points while of course playing the high-point scorer for the week.  Final score: 190.70 to 171.85 (150 points will win a game in that league 95% of the time).

I finished 6-8, and I only grabbed the #4 seed in that league due to its playoff structure.  It has three 4-team divisions.  Each division winner goes to the playoffs, as well as one 'wild-card' team --- the highest-scoring non-playoff team.  As the league scoring leader, I made it in.  I'll be playing the #2 scorer in the first round of the playoffs and if I win that matchup, I have to face one of the other division winners --- two guys who finished 10th and 11th in total points scored, 236 and 277 points behind me, respectively.

It would, of course, be awesome (though extremely unlikely) for me to pull off the sweep and claim all four titles.  But since that probably won't happen, I'm just going to spend the next week savoring how I managed to get this far.

Week 14 Playoff Scenarios

Up a bit later than I'd like, but what can I say.  I'm a busy guy.  And besides, Minnesota got its first snowstorm of the winter yesterday.  Anyway.

As you may recall, all four of the leading teams in the league had the opportunity to clinch a playoff spot last week if Nick lost to Kevin, and Nick was more than happy to oblige.  As a result, the Screaming Eagles, Psychotic Ninjas and Air Apparent have locked up three of the four playoff spots, while Suspended Atomnation, Golden Grahams, Rock-n-it Datarocknators and, to a much lesser extent Leviathans, are all competing for the final spot.  Here's how all of them can get in.

For Suspended Atomnation, the path to the playoffs is straightforward: just beat Los Diablos this week.  You wouldn't think that would be too difficult to manage --- many have done it this season --- but Los Diablos are actually riding a two-game winning streak, including putting up 82 points against Pete last week.  So this game isn't the gimme it used to be.

Adam also gets in with a loss if Nick and Kevin both lose also.

Golden Graham's gets into the playoffs with a win and an Atomnation loss (I'm assuming Nick doesn't outscore Kevin by 66 points).

Rock-n-it Datarocknators gets into the playoffs with a win and losses by Atomnation and Golden Graham's --- or with a win, a loss by Atomnation, and outscoring Kevin by 66 points or more.

Finally, for the sake of completeness, Leviathans will clinch a playoff spot with a win, losses by Atomnation, Golden Graham's, Datarocknators, and Leviathans outscores Atomnation by 68 points or more.

Remember that no matter the final regular-season standings, everyone still has something to play for.  In addition to the $15 weekly prize, teams seeded #5 through #8 are battling for the first draft pick next year, while teams #9 through #12 are battling to avoid an embarrassing team name and avatar next year --- like Little Choo-Choo (*snicker*).

So go out there and GET 'EM!!!

Simplified Week 13 Playoff Scenarios

Okay, with less blather:

Screaming Eagles and Air Apparent clinch a playoff spot this weekend with a win OR a loss by the Rock-n-it Datarocknators.

Atomnation and Psychotic Ninjas clinch a playoff spot this weekend with a win AND a loss by the Rock-n-it Datarocknators.

Rock-n-it Datarocknators can't clinch a playoff spot this weekend.  In order to make the playoffs, Nick needs to win one more game the rest of the season than Atomnation or Ninjas --- OR win two more games the rest of the season than Eagles or Air Apparent.

Golden Graham's can't clinch a playoff spot this weekend.  In order to make the playoffs, Kevin needs to win one more game the rest of the season than Rock-n-it Datarocknators AND win two more games the rest of the season than Atomnation or Ninjas AND finish with more points than Rock-n-it Datarocknators (Kevin currently leads Nick by 48 points).

Levi can't clinch a playoff spot this weekend.  He needs a freakin' miracle to get a playoff spot.  He needs to win his remaining games against Air Apparent and Golden Grahams AND two losses by two of the following teams: Atomnation, Psychotic Ninjas or Rock-n-it Datarocknators AND a net gain of 84-93 points on the Ninjas or Atomnation, depending on which of those two teams actually loses their final two games.

ALSO . . . I actually did the research, and it turns out that Jason has NOT been in first place for the entire season.  He held onto first place from week 1-5, then dropped into THIRD behind Atomnation and Air Apparent in week 6, and ascended to first place again in week 10.

On the bottom end, Kubicek has done an impressive job of holding onto last place for the entire season.

Also, it turns out I exagerrated my hard luck story.  I have only finished second in scoring for the week four times this season, rather than six as originally claimed.  I apologize for the error.

Week 13 Playoff Scenarios

It's a bit early, but it doesn't seem likely that the second half of the Niners/Redskins game is going to have much impact on the week's results, so . . . .

The league-leading Screaming Eagles OR Air Apparent clinched a playoff spot this week.  At least one of them will definitely get in, even if they both lose their last two games, but at this point, neither one is guaranteed a playoff spot.  Of course, a win for either one in the next two weeks will sew it up, so it's pretty sure they'll make it in.

With their victories this weekend, Adam's 3rd-place Atomnation and the MIGHTY 4TH-PLACE PSYCHOTIC NINJAS didn't clinch playoff spots, either.  They *might* clinch a spot with victories next week over Little Choo Choo (haha!  Little Choo Choo!  Jody's a loser!) and Merrill (haha!  Merrill sucks!) respectively, pending the outcome of next week's absolutely FASCINATING matchup between the Rock-n-it Datarocknators and Kevin.  Read on.

The week 13 matchup between Nick and Kevin is where the rubber really meets the road.  At 7-4-1, Nick keeps his playoff hopes alive with a win (and can even jump up into the top four with losses by Adam and/or yours truly), but his playoff outlook takes a serious blow with a loss.  At 6-5-1, Kevin will drop out of the playoff hunt with a loss, so he needs to beat Nick.  However, a victory over the Datarocknators will only help Kevin if either Adam or I lose.  If Adam and I both win, then a Golden Graham's victory over the Datarocknators will just sew up playoff spots for the two of us.

Finally, Levi still has an outside shot at a playoff berth, but with this week's loss dropping him to 6-6, he needs to finish the season with wins over Taylor and Kevin, and two losses by at least two of the following teams: Atomnation, Ninjas, Datarocknators --- and even then, he's got to make up nearly 100 points on the Ninjas in order to get in on a tiebreaker.

So Levi, it's probably your best move to start planning how you might manage to score the #1 pick again next year.

After that, Aaron, Merrill and Pete join Jody and Kubicek in the "thanks for playing" category.  At the moment, all of those guys except Kubicek have a shot to finish 5th place overall and get the #1 pick next year.  If Kubicek holds on to defeat Jody, then Jody earns a place in the bottom playoff bracket as well.

And finally, I just wanted to point out that after finishing second in overall scoring SIX TIMES in the first 11 weeks of the season, THE MIGHTY NINJAS finally won a week this week!  I'm peaking at just the right time!  Will the Ninjas finally reclaim their rightful position as league champion this year?  Let's hope so.

Admit it, guys.  The league just hasn't been the same without me as your champion, has it?

Week 12 Playoff Scenarios

As we head into the stretch run, let's see how everyone is doing . . . .

Leading the Charge
At the top of the league, there's Jason and Taylor in first and second place, respectively, with matching 8-3 records.  Neither has clinched a playoff spot yet, and they can't clinch this week, but a victory will get them awfully damn close.  As mentioned in my last post, Taylor has decided to win games rather than score points this year (at second place, he's only scored the fifth-most points), and it seems to be serving him well.  Jason meanwhile started off the season with a 112-76 shellacking of yours truly, and has held the lead in total points (and possibly been in first place, again, I'm too lazy to check) ever since.

So, it's almost certain he's going to lose the rest of his games and just barely miss out on the playoffs.

Sitting Pretty
At 7-4, Suspended Atomnation and THE MIGHTY NINJAS sit at 3rd and 4th place, respectively.  Not much to say at this stage of the season, except that, for crying out loud, I lost to Nick in week 10 even though he didn't start a QB or a kicker!!!  What the hell?  Tavon Austin scored more points in week 10 than he did in weeks 1-9 combined, and his return TD counted TWICE because Nick also had the Rams D/ST.  And no one bothered to give me crap about it!  What's wrong with you people?

On the Bubble
Speaking of Nick, he and Levi square off in week 12 with a lot on the line.  The winner stands a good chance of getting to the playoffs, while the loser definitely has an uphill climb the rest of the way.  The remaining bubble teams are Kevin's fifth-place Golden Graham's, facing a tough matchup this week against Taylor, and defending champion Strike Team, facing another tough matchup against THE MIGHTY NINJAS.  At 5-6, a loss this week likely knocks him out of the playoffs --- and it will definitely knock him out if Adam wins his matchup with Pete.

On Life Support
At 4-7, the 9th-place Marauders and the 10th-place River Horses aren't dead yet, but they might as well be.  One more loss knocks either of them out, and even if either of them runs the table, their season is over if Atomnation and the Ninjas win just one more game each.  For these guys, it's probably best to focus their efforts on trying to finish in the middle playoff bracket (seeds 5-8), so they have a shot at the first overall pick next year.

Thanks for Playing
Jody, or as his friends know him, Little Choo-Choo, and Kubicek are both done for the season.  Kubicek's season was done well before it started, actually, when he slept through his alarm and missed the first hour of the draft (that Turkey).  Kubicek's 1-10 record is so bad he's already guaranteed to compete for last place, and at 3-8, Jody doesn't have much hope to avoid the 'toilet bowl' himself.  Adding insult to injury, these guys are playing each other this weekend, so they can't even do any damage to any contenders.

Man, wouldn't it suck if Jody had to give up the Puttheads nickname for two years running?