Final Regular-Season Standings

Okay, everyone who saw this coming, raise your hand.

I mean, okay, I know I'm good, but 9 straight wins worth of good?  Especially after starting out 0-5?  Unbelieveable.

And another remarkable aspect of the final standings in 2012 has to do with quarterbacks.  Recall the first three picks of this year's draft:

1. Tom Brady (Psychotic Ninjas, traded to Atomnation after week 4)
2. Aaron Rodgers (Los Diablos)
3. Drew Brees (Leviathans)

NONE of the teams with those QBs made the playoffs, only the Leviathans were even in it in week 14, and recall that when Brady was playing for the Ninjas, they went 0-4.  The team with RG3 (the River Horses, soon to be the Prima Ballerinas) also finished well out of the money, ending the season on a 5-game losing streak.  Of the four playoff teams, only Strike Team (Peyton) has a QB who was truly elite for most of the season, although Cam Newton has been coming on strong for Merrill lately.  And the Ninjas and Eagles captured the top two seeds, and finished in the top three in overall points, with Tony Romo and Eli Manning, who finished 14th and 16th in QB scoring, respectively.  Finally, Air Apparent, who led the league in scoring, did it with Matt Ryan, the 9th-scoring QB.

So much for the notion that drafting a top QB early is a winning strategy.

Anyway, without further ado, here's how things stand heading into the playoffs where, for the first time ever, ALL TWELVE TEAMS will have something to play for through week 16.

1. Psychotic Ninjas (9-5, 952 points)  Woo-hoo!  THAT'S what I'm talkin' 'bout!  Blasting into the playoffs as the #1 seed and riding a 9-game winning streak, the Ninjas defeated each of the three other playoff teams the last time they played.  Can they keep it up for 2 more weeks, or have they peaked too soon?
2. Screaming Eagles (9-5, 946 points) The Eagles would like to pretend weeks 9-12 never happened.  That's when they went on a 4-game losing streak which dropped them from dominating league-leader to near also-ran.  Can they bounce back against Merrill?
3. Merrill's Marauders (9-5, 863 points) If it weren't for the Ninjas, the Marauders would be the hottest team in the league.  They ride into the playoffs with a 4-game win streak which started week 11 against the Eagles.  With Cam Newton playing like an elite QB, they might bully their way to the title.
4. Strike Team (9-5, 831 points) Aaron also charges into the playoffs on a 4-game win streak; their last loss came to the Ninjas in week 10.  Strike Team's strength is Peyton Manning, back in Hall of Fame form; their major weakness is in their starting backfield of Reggie Bush and Montell Owens.
5. Golden Grahams (8-6, 814 points) The fantasy gods teased Kevin a bit this year, awarding him a late-week victory in week 5 over the Ninjas, the last time they lost.  And they raised his hopes of finally claiming the prize, putting him in sole possession of first place after week 12.  Consecutive losses in the season's final two weeks left him on the outside looking in, but with the consolation that a strong playoff showing might finally leave him with the first overall draft pick in 2013.
6. Air Apparent (7-7, 976 points) Yet again, Taylor finishes at or near the top in points scored, yet misses the playoffs.  At least this year, his high point total might serve him well in positioning for next year's draft.
7. The Leviathans (7-7, 932 points) Like Kevin, Levi got to the threshold of the playoffs, sitting at 7-5 after 12 weeks with his fate in his own hands.  But like Kevin, a season-ending 2-game losing streak left the Leviathans in the upper consolation bracket.
8. Team Datanator (7-7, 873 points) Four of Nick's losses this season came by a combined total of 8 points.  It's kind of scary to think how different the final standing might be if Nick paid more attention to his lineup.
9. Los Diablos (7-7, 870 points) What's surprising about Los Diablos' season isn't the 7-7 finish.  After all, wins and losses are fairly unpredictable.  The really surprising thing is that with Aaron Rodgers at QB, Los Diablos only managed to finish 7th in points scored.  The real killer for Los Diablos' season was the 3-game skid in weeks 11-13, during which Los Diablos only managed to average a bit more than 41 points a week.  My primary goal the next two weeks is to win the title; my secondary goal is to see Kubicek drop his final two games, so I get to name his team next year.
10. Newnan Puttheads (4-10, 931 points) Like Taylor, Jody has an amazing ability to score lots of points while losing lots of games.  Other than winning the title in 2010, Jody generally has totally crappy luck.  On the plus side, with him in the bottom loser's bracket, it's more likely Kubicek will take the bottom slot.
11. Suspended Atomnation (4-10, 813 points) Karma!  In weeks 1-10, Adam only managed a single victory, and that was a pitiful 47-46 victory over the pitiful Orion River Horses.  I forget when Adam finally paid his dues (and kicked an extra $15 into the title pot), but I DO know that he finished the season strong, wining 3 of his final 4.  Feeling nervous yet, Kubicek?
12. Orion River Horses (4-10, 811 points) Yikes!  What happened to our defending champ?  I'm sure I don't know --- part of it has to do with his acknowledged knack for keeping his best performers on his bench --- but Pete finished the regular season in style, losing his final five.  Let's hope he can put it all together just once in week 15, to get Kubicek into the Toilet Bowl

In closing, gentlemen, I'd like to leave you with this one thought heading into the playoff weeks:

WOO-HOO!!! NINJAS RULE!!!  WINNERS OF 9 STRAIGHT, AND ON TO THE TITLE, BABY!!! THAT'S RIGHT, SUCKERS, READ 'EM AND WEEP!!!

First

As in, this is the first time that no one has clinched a playoff spot 13 weeks into the season.  It's also the first time there's been a FIVE-WAY tie for first place after 13 weeks, and the first time there's been this many teams with 8 or more wins (and we'll probably pick up one or two more during this week's games).

And yes, I'm going to point out that if the playoffs started today THE MIGHTY NINJAS would be the #1 seed.  And I'm pretty sure this is the first time a team has run off an 8-game winning streak after starting 0-5.  And if I can run this streak up to eleven (how hard can it be?), it will be the first time a team claimed the title after starting 0-5.

All of this, of course, with the caveat that I'm not a league historian, so I could be wrong about some of this.  But isn't it amazing that I was down 74-16 to Jody at 7:00 PM Sunday, and then Romo, Bryce Brown, Garcon and Tynes put together 64 points, which means they would have beaten Kevin, Levi, Merrill, Kubicek, Aaron, Adam and Pete all by themselves?

Anyway, there's still a logjam at the top, but fortunately with only one game left in the season, it's pretty easy to paint the playoff picture.  There are five 8-5 teams, and since Merrill and Kevin play each other this week, only four of us can finish 9-5.  Therefore, for all of the 8-5 teams, a win gets you in, with seeding to be determined by point totals.

Things really only get interesting when considering the 7-6 teams, all of which need a win and help to clinch a playoff spot.  They break down as follows:

Air Apparent still holds the lead in points scored by a substantial margin, which means that Taylor will almost certainly claim a playoff spot with a win if any of the Ninjas, Eagles or Strike Team loses --- and odds are that at least one of them will.

Leviathans play the Ninjas this week, and only trail the Ninjas by 7 in the point totals.  So the Leviathans will clinch a playoff spot if they beat the Ninjas by 8 or more points AND Air Apparent loses.  They can also clinch a spot if they beat the Ninjas by a smaller margin, or if Air Apparent wins their game, but that involves various permutations of losses by the Eagles or Strike Team.

Team Datanator scored a historic first weekly win this week, but they still trail in points badly enough that they will only get into the playoffs with a win and losses by Strike Team, Air Apparent AND Leviathans.

As for the four teams out of playoff contention, Jody, Pete and Adam have all clinched a spot in the end-of-season tournament to avoid last place.  Kubicek needs to beat Nick by 6 or more points to avoid taking the final position in that playoff bracket.

For all of this, I don't remember what the tiebreaking rules are if Levi beats Ninjas by exactly 7 points, or Kubicek beats Nick by exactly 5, so I'll resolve that if/when it happens.

Go Ninjas!!!

P.S.  Of course, there are a couple of other 'firsts' to mention.  This is the first time we're going to determine final season standings by using multiple playoff brackets, as well as the first time the final standings for this year affect what happens next year (draft order, loser 'prize').  After I first posted this, I realized that Nick is in a unique position, because with a win and a lot of help, he could end up in the playoff bracket and ultimately take the league title, while a loss by more than 5 points will drop him into the loser bracket and thus he could ultimately finish the season dead last.  Makes this weekend's games more interesting for him than for anyone else, potentially.

And Then There Were Six

So we didn't quite manage to achieve the seven-way tie for first place.  Kubicek's 27-point stinker (with goose eggs courtesy of injuries to Matt Forte and Miles Austin) was sufficiently lame he couldn't even manage to beat Kevin, so he falls to 6-6 while Kevin stands alone atop the league at 8-4.

I'll pause for a moment to let everyone try to wrap their heads around that one.

If you think that's something, consider this.  If Elias hadn't made their late stat correction in the Steelers-Eagles game in week 5, it would be the MIGHTY NINJAS sitting alone atop the league right now, riding an 8-game winning streak rather than the puny, little, 7-game winning streak they're currently on.

Nevertheless, things are what they are, and with only two games left in the season, things are still a complete mess.  Not as messy as seven teams all tied for the lead, but still pretty bad.

First, as mentioned above, are the 8-4 Golden Graham's.  You might think they only need one win to clinch a playoff spot, and that may well turn out to be the case.  But it's actually possible for the Ninjas, Eagles, Merrill and Strike Team to all win out to finish at 9-5.  So in order to clinch a playoff spot in week 13, Kevin needs to beat Team Datanator and hope for a loss by either the Ninjas, Marauders or Strike Team (in addition to the inevitable loss by either the Leviathans or Screaming Eagles, who play each other).

Needless to say, if the league-leading Graham's need help to clinch a playoff spot in week 13, then none of the 7-5 teams will clinch next week.  These teams are currently sitting in positions 2-6 as follows based on points: Leviathans, Ninjas, the formerly league-leading Screaming Eagles, Merrill's Marauders and Strike Team.  Of those, only the Leviathans are guaranteed a playoff spot even if they win out, by virtue of the fact that their remaining matchups are against the 7-5 Eagles and 7-5 Ninjas.  All other 7-5 teams will probably clinch a playoff spot with wins in their final two games, but for each of those teams, it's possible to finish 9-5 and still end up in 5th place.

It goes without saying that if 9-5 doesn't guarantee a spot, then neither does 8-6.  So the 6-6 teams --- in order, Air Apparent, Los Diablos and Team Datanator --- need 2 more wins and a healthy dose of luck in order to participate in the postseason.

Rounding out the bottom of the league are the Puttheads, the defending champion River Horses and Atomnation, all of whom look likely to participate in the end-of-season loser bowl (though only Atomnation has clinched a spot in that playoff bracket).  Jody has already clinched the hard-luck award for the season, sitting at 4-8 despite having the fourth-highest point total in the league going into week 12.

And could Pete pull off a stunning first-to-worst finish, and proudly lead (perhaps) the Orion River Dorkuses next year?  Time will tell.

Tightening of the Screws

After week 10, two games separated the top 9 teams in the league.  I optimistically predicted that "The playoff picture should clear up a bit in the next two weeks," but as usual, it's clear that I had no idea what I was talking about.

What is going on here?  Now ONE GAME separates the top 9 teams in the league, with the Leviathans, Screaming Eagles and Graham's all at 7-4, and Air Apparent, Los Diablos, the mighty Psychotic Ninjas, Team Datanator, Merrill and Strike Team all one game behind at 6-5.

It didn't have to be this way.  Jason --- in first place and leading the league in points scored going into the week --- should have beaten Merrill, but his wideouts underperformed (especially Julio Jones).  Along with the Bears, Kubicek fell on Monday night when the Niners DST outscored Matt Forte 12-3.  And the MIGHTY NINJAS came agonizingly close to returning to their early-season irrelevance, edging the defending champion River Horses by a single point (I stole a page from Kubicek's book and started the DST which was going up against the Eagles.  It helped that Pete started Matthew 'three turnovers' Stafford over Robert Griffin '32 fantasy points' III).

Wait, it gets better.  If the week 12 games end up just so, we could be looking at a seven-way tie for first place this time next week.

Adam finally ended his bad karma streak, winning the week, but his season is officially over.  And there's such a logjam at the top, there's no hope for Jody to climb back into it, either.  Pete may have a theoretical path to the playoffs if he wins out, but I doubt it.  Frankly, I'm too lazy to do the math on that one.

But we still have no clue who the playoff teams will be for 2012, and I don't think anyone has a shot at qualifying this week.  Things are really going to come down to the wire.

Hang On, It's About to Get Bloody

Wow.  I mean, just wow.

After my most recent update, I marveled at the balance in the league.  At the end of week 8, we had:

• One 7-1 team.
• Three 5-3 teams.
• Four 4-4 teams.
• Three 3-5 teams.
• One 1-7 team.

That kind of made sense.  One clear-cut leader, one clear-cut loser, and the rest of the teams spread out between 3 and 5 wins apiece.

Somehow, in just two weeks, the league has suddenly become top-heavy.  Jason has been dragged down a bit while the mighty Ninjas have recovered from their 0-5 start and are firmly in the middle of the pack.  With four weeks left in the regular season, NINE teams in the league sit at .500 or better (and it would have been ten if Kubicek hadn't made an opportunistic pickup of the Cowboys' DST before week 10 to drop the defending champ River Horses to 4-6), and only two games separate first and ninth place.

The playoff picture should clear up a bit in the next two weeks, as 8 of the 9 'big boys' square off against each other in week 11, and again in week 12. Three or four of us are going to be hurting come week 13.

In the 5 years I've been in the league, 8 wins has always been enough to guarantee a playoff berth.  This year there's a good chance that as many as TWO teams might finish 8-6 but miss the big dance.

Good luck gentlemen. You too, Merrill and Kubicek.

UPDATE: Taylor is fairly confident he missed the playoffs in 2009, the MyFantasyLeague year (otherwise known as the 'dark times'), with 8 wins.  Could be.  I know I made the playoffs as the #4 seed that year with a record of 8-5-1.  Maybe an 8-6 team or two did miss out that year.  But I know I was the #4 seed in 2007 with a 7-6-1 record, and in 2008 with a 6-7-1 record, if you can believe that.  And since we can look at the history since 2010, when we got on the ESPN site, you can check that 8 wins has been enough to qualify since then.

This year --- probably not so much.

Doug Martin is Awesomeness

Email sent to both leagues, 11/4/2012:

I just want to take moment here and call out something that is worthy of mention in the history of both the TrashTalking Fantasy Football League and the Battlin' Sweethearts Fantasy Football League.

Last week, Buccaneers rookie running back Doug Martin had his best game as a pro, and his best fantasy day to that date, running for 135 yards on 29 carries for a touchdown, and catching 3 passes for 79 yards and another touchdown.  This performance was good enough for 21 fantasy points under TTFFL scoring, and 35 points using Battlin' Sweethearts scoring.

This week, Martin has a chance to make not only fantasy history, but NFL history as well.  So far today, Martin has broken scoring runs of 45, 67 and 70 yards.  He currently sits at 50 fantasy points on the day under Battlin' Sweethearts scoring rules, and 31 points under TTFFL scoring.

His 244 total rushing yards on the day stand just 52 yards shy of Adrian Peterson's single-game rushing record of 296 yards in a game, and there are still nearly 10 minutes still to play in the game.

But you know what the sweetest part of this is?  It's not *just* the fact that I own Martin in TTFFL, and it's not just the poetic irony that my nemesis, Brandy 'Precious' Cain owns him in Battlin' Sweethearts.

No, the sweetest part is that Merrill got pummeled by Doug Martin in BOTH leagues last week in his games against myself and Precious --- and the fact that Kubicek is getting smacked around by Martin in both leagues this week.  While the result of my game with Kubicek is still up in the air, Martin's heroics give me a very good chance of handing Kubicek a defeat on a week when Aaron Rodgers threw for 4 TDs and Eric Decker caught 2.

Doug Martin is the definition of awesomeness.

Observations at the Halfway Point

Before proceeding with the usual blather, I'm going to make a mid-season NFL prediction --- since I made none before the season actually started.  Actually I'll make two:

1. Manning and the Broncos win tonight and don't lose again the rest of the season.  I'm talking 13-0, ending with a Super Bowl title (as I write this, they lead the Saints 7-0 at the end of the first).  Then again, just about every offense looks like a Super Bowl contender when playing the Saints.
2. Since Taylor definitely isn't going to give him up after today's 2 TD game, I'll go ahead and make my prediction that Brandon Lloyd will finish as a top-5 fantasy WR.

And with that, here are notes, observations, and other pointless musings about the 2012 TTFFL season so far.

Screaming Eagles: What the hell?  How is a team with Eli Manning, Ahmad Bradshaw, Shonn Greene and Heath Miller 6-1 and at the top of the standings?  What's worse is: it's actually legit.  Going into week 7, the Eagles lead the league in scoring by a substantial margin, joining Taylor as the only two teams to pass the 500-point mark.  The receiving corps is solid (Julio, Brandon Marshall and Demaryius Thomas), and while his RBs are unexceptional, they show up when they need to.  For example, Greene just happened to blow up on a week when Jason really needed it to get past Team Datanator.  Will it last?  Well, probably not, but it really only needs to happen about 4 more times.  Two more regular season wins should be enough to get the Eagles into the playoffs, and two more wins after that will take him to the title.

The Leviathans: Levi's success has come from the opposite direction as Jason's.  While Levi has a stud QB and two stud RBs --- his third-round confidence in AP is paying handsome dividends --- it's hard to believe this team has thrived with a patchwork receiving corps which features Dwayne Bowe and the surprising Lance Moore as its two strongest contributors.  While the Leviathans have no doubt been a strong team, they have also had their share of luck, including a 90-88 win over Los Diablos in week 4.  With 'only' 5 wins, they will have to work a bit hard than the Eagles to clinch a playoff spot, but momentum is definitely on their side.

Air Apparent: After the Screaming Eagles and Leviathans, it's pretty much anyone's guess who might find their way to the playoffs.  But as the second highest-scoring team in the league, Air Apparent has the best shot at getting there.  Many of Taylor's draft sleepers have paid off, most notably Matt Ryan, but also Randall Cobb and, to a lesser extent, Steven Ridley.  Taylor has also benefitted from in-season surprises C.J. Spiller and Andre Brown.  But after a blistering 4-0 start in which he looked unstoppable,  Taylor has hit a cold streak in which he's dropped games to the first-place Screaming Eagles, the second-place Leviathans, and the pitiful Ninjas (and his week 8 game against Los Diablos looks ready to come down to the wire).  Can Taylor snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, like he always has in the past?  Or will this finally be the year he gets over the hump?

Los Diablos: During the draft, Kubicek reluctantly picked Brandon Pettigrew as his TE, and as it turns out, his concerns were well-founded.  Otherwise, his roster looks fairly solid, but still hasn't produced reliably.  Matt Forte is a stud RB, but he doesn't produce many TDs and he's lost some time to injury.  And although Aaron Rodgers looked to be back to his usual, dominant self after a 42-point performance in week 6, he has suddenly started to struggle again in this week's home matchup against the lowly Jaguars.  As a result, Los Diablos is mired in a 5-way logjam for third place in the league, with their playoff hopes very much in doubt.  You have to think that Rodgers will eventually get right, and Los Diablos along with him.  Let's just hope it doesn't happen in next week's matchup with the Ninjas.

Golden Graham's: Despite a strong performance to win the week in week 3, the Graham's are pretty much where you would expect them to be.  Their roster --- Roethlisberger, CJ0ke, Antonio Brown, Marques Colston, Denarius Moore and Vernon Davis --- practically reads like a who's who of fantasy hot-and-cold players.  Frank Gore is really the only every-week fantasy stud on the Graham's roster, and so it's not surprising that the Graham's also run hot-and-cold, winning when their players are mostly up and losing when they are mostly down.  In fact, the Graham's have literally been hot-and-cold all season long, winning in weeks 1, 3, 5, and 7 while losing in the other weeks.  Kevin will probably break the pattern this week and score his 5th victory since he's playing the pitiful Atomnation.  And while a team like the Golden Graham's keeps things interesting --- on any given week, you're equally likely to score a 30-point victory as you are to absorb a 30-point beating --- it's hardly a recipe for a championship.

Strike Team: Aaron has managed to win four games based mostly on the play of his first four draft picks: Peyton Manning, Wes Welker, Reggie Bush and Willis McGahee.  After that, due either to injury (Aaron Hernandez) or failure to live up to expectations (Michael Bush), the rest of the Strike Team can pretty be written off as a tax deduction.  He looks set to fall to 4-4 against the Screaming Eagles in week 8, and with remaining matchups against the other three top-scoring teams (Leviathans, Air Apparent, Los Diablos), it's looking like an uphill climb for Strike Team to repeat their 2nd-place finish of a year ago.

Merrill's Marauders: If the Golden Graham's is an example of a team made up of hot-and-cold players, the 2012 Marauders read like a who's-who of fantasy disappointments: McFadden, Mathews, Jordy Nelson and Cam Newton, with a handful of one-shot wonders (Brian Hartline, Kyle Rudolph, and possibly Torrey Smith) thrown in.  Week 8 pretty well sums up the Marauders season thus far.  You know your fantasy season is in trouble when you start Jay Cutler over Cam Newton --- and he proceeds to have a fairly predictable 4-turnover outing (yes, I know Romo had 4 turnovers for my team this week as well --- but I scored 101 points, so it doesn't matter).  Merrill's opening losses to Kevin and Kubicek are likely a better indicator of his future performance than his recent 4-1 run has been, and a thrashing at the hands of the Ninjas probably signals the beginning of the end for the Marauders, as they too have three games remaining against the big boys in the league.

Team Datanator: Once again this year, Nick proves that the autodraft and benign neglect can get a team only so far.  While Josh Freeman has been a pleasant surprise recently, and Marshawn Lynch continues to perform like an RB1 (color me surprised; I figured he'd go back to being an indifferent runner once he got paid), they haven't been enough to overcome Nick's tendency to keep players in his lineup through their bye weeks.  Team Datanator's problems can't be solved simply by rostering 4 QBs and 3 DSTs.

Orion River Horses: Things are not looking too rosy for the defending champion River Horses.  If it weren't for his 10th-round pick of rookie sensation RG3, and to a lesser degree Vincent Jackson, the River Horses' roster would have no brights spots at all.  Matthew Stafford, Michael Turner, Trent Richardson, Larry Fitzgerald and Antonio Gates have all disappointed more often than not, and about the only bright spot in the River Horses' season so far was their Week 6 3-point victory over the Leviathans, thanks pretty much entirely to Vincent Jackson's 2 TD effort.  (Well, Stafford went off this week, but of course he was sitting on Pete's bench when he did it).  Like Strike Team and Marauders, the rest of the River Horses' schedule does them no favors.  It looks quite likely TTFFL will see a changing of the guard again in 2012.

Newnan Puttheads: The Puttheads have played slightly better than their 2-5 record indicates, having scored the 5th-most points in the league so far.  Jody caught a break when Arian Foster fell to him with the 5th pick of the draft --- and that's about the last time the Puttheads have had any luck this year.  Every pick of his from the 4th round on has either underperformed or fallen to injury, though Titus Young may finally be starting to live up to his pre-season hype.  Jody's hard luck has continued into the season, as three of his five losses have come in weeks when he's scored enough to win a typical game, only to see his opponent score 80+.  On the other hand, if a team were going to come back from 2-5 to make the playoffs, it would be the high-scoring Puttheads, whose only real obstacles are late-season matchups against the Leviathans and Screaming Eagles.  And they may also be challenged by the league's other 2-5 team . . .

Psychotic Ninjas: In 2010, Pete started the year with 5 straight losses before battling the Ninjas to a tie in week 6.  He eventually put on a burst with the QB/WR tandem of Matt Cassel and Dwayne Bowe, clawing his way to the brink of playoff relevance at 5-6-1 before dropping his final two games.  In 2011, Los Diablos started out a humiliating 0-7 before trouncing the Ninjas in week 8 en route to a crappy 3-11 season.  This year, it was the Ninjas who couldn't buy a win early in the season, a streak that finally ended week 5 against Kevin week 6 against Taylor.  The Ninjas are now on a 3-game winning streak (I don't think I'm being presumptuous here; Andre Roberts is good, but he's not 52 points-worth of good), and with Shady McCoy, Fred Jackson, the surprising rookie Doug Martin, Percy Harvin, Reggie Wayne and Jimmy Graham, they're the 3-5 team no one wants to play.  Could they fight their way back into the playoff hunt?  Time will tell.  I'm just glad that this 3-game win streak has put me in a 3-way tie for 9th place two games away from a playoff spot.

Suspended Atomnation: The team so bad, not even Tom Brady can help them.  Tony Gonzalez is pretty much the only other 'stud' on Adam's team, though Hakeem Nicks might be now that he's healthy.  Still, Andre Johnson has been his usual disappointing self, Steven Jackson is clearly winding down his career, and might not even finish the season as the Rams' #1 RB, and the law firm has not lived up to preseason expectations.  The lowest-scoring team in the league by a fair margin, the only real question left for Adam this season is whether he'll be able to avoid the newly-instituted 'insult to injury' rule which might leave him leading a team named the Precious Pink Princesses next year.

In Which the Fantasy Gods Gleefully Defecate on Your Esteemed Commissioner

Let's call it karma.  Many of you may have forgotten, but it's a little-known fact that I once won three consecutive titles in this league.  I try not to mention it too often; I have a reputation for modesty I need to uphold.  And I suppose it's possible that perhaps luck played a small role in me getting those titles.

So I suppose this is a partial repayment of my karmic debt.

We all know that the Psychotic Ninjas are the least relevant team in TTFFL this season.  And at 0-4, I thought the Fantasy Gods were actually smiling on me.  I got Adam to cough up Tony Romo and LeSean McCoy in exchange for the underperforming Tom Brady, and Ryan Williams, who was done for the season almost as soon as the deal was done.  I saw that as Adam's karmic comeuppance for the fact that he still hasn't paid his dues HALFWAY INTO THE SEASON --- but apparently the Fantasy Gods weren't done screwing with me.

After 12 of the 14 week 5 games, the Ninjas were sitting pretty.  The Golden Grahams had only managed a measly 35 points --- Roethlisberger and Brown combined for 4, MoJo and CJ0ke combined for 1 more.  I had a 34 point lead, Jackie Battle and Jimmy Graham left to play against a Jets defense which is a shell of its former self, and Marques Colston --- who is becoming my own personal fantasy Voldemort.

No way I could lose this game.

I didn't expect much from Jackie Battle, and I certainly didn't get it.  But it shouldn't have mattered.  No way Marques Colston scores more points in a game than Jimmy Graham, and sure as hell no way Colston outscores Graham by enough to make a difference in the game.  But then Graham turns his ankle and puts up a donut, while Colston only had the best fantasy game of his career (no joke), and the Grahams make up 24 points of their 34-point deficit.

A close call, but hey, the Jets D isn't what it used to be.  Not without Revis.  And the Texans have a solid O-line and rarely turn the ball over.  As long as the Jets don't get a defensive TD, I'm in the clear.

Then from out of nowhere, Joe McKnight returns a punt for a TD.  But the Texans otherwise only yield one interception, and although Kevin came close, I hold on for the two point win.

I mean hey, it's Kevin.  Like he would come out on the winning side in an amazing comeback.  I get the win, I'm finally off the schneid, and with a well-stocked roster --- McCoy and Graham are studs, and Harvin and Wayne are two of the hottest WRs in fantasy --- I'm poised to knock Taylor off his perch in week 6, and I'm on the comeback trail.

Only --- not so fast.

In their game against the Eagles, Roethlisberger threw a swing pass to Rashard Mendenhall, which he ran in 13 yards for a score.  In real time, Roethlisberger's throw was considered a lateral, making Menendhall's score a 13-yard rushing TD.  But word came down from Elias today that the play is going to be re-scored as a 13-yard passing TD, which makes little or no difference in Mendenhall's fantasy point total, but which adds another half-dozen points to Roethlisberger's.  And by extension, to the Golden Graham's.

So the Fantasy Gods not only dumped a load on me, they toyed with me first.

In fairness, this probably just counts as fair repayment for my 2009 playoff victory over Kevin, in which I picked up Josh Cribbs and threw him into my lineup the day before the game, and he scored two punt return TDs --- which normally wouldn't have affected my score at all, if it weren't for the fact that the scoring rules changed at the start of the season --- at Kevin's suggestion.

So as bad as this was for me, it still probably doesn't balance out that game, which was a playoff game after all.  But this is one difficult pill to swallow.

Observations at the Quarter Pole

I know, I know.  All of you are out there, wondering why it's taken me so long to write anything.  Well, what can I say; I been busy.  I got married in August and I'm starting a new job next week.  Somehow, I just haven't had the time for TTFFL nonsense that I usually do.

At least, that's the excuse I'm using for my lame-ass 0-3 start this year.  Back in my glory years, I never had a particularly good regular season record, but this is the first time I've ever started 0-3, in any league.  And I thought I had a pretty good team, too!  I can put part of the blame on Fred Jackson's week 1 injury, and part of the blame on Tom Brady's ordinariness thus far this year (he currently ranks 15th among QBs in TTFFL scoring), and part of it on the schedule --- my opponents this season have scored more points than anyone's, by a decent margin.

The 0-3 record is the bad news.  The good news is, my team is actually better than it's played so far.  So y'all better just watch out.

Speaking of QBs --- what the hell?  The first four picks in this year's draft were Brady, Rodgers, Brees and --- in a reach of epic propotions by Aaron --- Peyton Manning, and so far only Brees has played up to his draft position.  Brady, Rodgers and Manning are currently 15th, 20th and 10th in scoring among QBs, and 21st, 35th and 11th overall.  Hell, Rodgers hasn't quite managed to put up as many points as the Redskins DST, for crying out loud.

As bad as it's been for me so far this year, I think I'd have to hand the title of Biggest Loser to our reigning champion, Pete Trumbore of the Orion River Horses.  His roster sure looked impressive right after the draft, with Stafford, Fitzgerald, Richardson, VJax and Gates, but every one of those guys has been a disappointment for most or all of the season.  The only silver lining to Pete's season is that he drafted the rags-to-riches QB story of this season, RG3.  As good as he's been so far, he may not be enough to salvage Pete's season.

If Pete is the big loser thus far this year --- and there's little doubt that he is --- then Taylor is without question the big winner.  The only remaining unbeaten, he scored a draft-day bargain in Stevan Ridley, or at least so it appeared after week 1.  In an example of the rich getting richer, Taylor was the one to benefit when my starting RB Fred Jackson got knocked out, as he happened to be the one to draft C.J. Spiller (although that too no longer looks like the good fortune it once did).  AND he had the waiver wire position to grab Andre Brown last week.  Unbelieveable!

At least we can all take comfort in the knowledge that, like every other year, Taylor's winning streak won't last.

The rest of the below .500 crowd are, by definition, suffering from some degree of misfortune.  Merrill has been justly disappointed in his roster of Cam Newton, DMC, Nelson, Torrey Smith and Finley, but his bad karma ended last week after he sent in his league dues.  Adam is in the same boat, but somehow managed to score a victory last week in spite of being a deadbeat (it helped that he was playing Pete).

Nick rounds out the below .500 bunch with the best team autodraft can give you, though if you start DeAngelo Williams and Jared Cook, you pretty much deserve what you get.

And finally, no overview of the first three weeks of the season would be complete without congratulating Kevin for sucking the least of all the teams in the league last week.  Kevin put up a healthy 85 points, thanks largely to a rare 4-touchdown performance by Big Ben Roethlisberger.  Nice work, Kevin.  Maybe you'll win a week again in another ten years or so.

IT BEGINS!!!

Welcome to the 2012 Trash Talking Fantasy Football league season.  I'll be posting my usual amount of bold predictions, trash talk and other nonsense --- but mostly not until after the league draft.  I don't want to give away my league-winning strategy!

(Here's a hint.)

2011 Year in Review

I'm sitting here watching the Niners go toe-to-toe with the Saints, and looking back on the year just finished.  As usual, there were a number of surprises, and as usual, there was one team which stood head and shoulders above the rest for most of the season, but faded late.  In years past, it's been the River Horses and Los Diablos; this year it was YAC Attack.  Only the 2010 Puttheads managed to keep the top spot all year long.

These are my team-by-team thoughts and observations, as usual going from worst to first.

Los Diablos: HAH-hah!  Will Kubicek *ever* pay off his karma debt from the 2006 season, when he won the title despite scoring practically no points?  Somehow, he managed 3 wins versus 11 losses, despite scoring the 5th most points on the season.  All 3 wins were picked up between weeks 8 and 11; the rest of his season was misery.  The Houston Texans may be in the playoffs, but Matt Schaub and Arian Foster didn't help Los Diablos much.  The lone bright spot for Los Diablos on the season was their week 8 thumping of the Psychotic Ninjas to win the week, no doubt small comfort for a season which began and ended with solid drubbings at the hands of the Puttheads, and many, many other losses in between.

Team Datanator: The first fantasy team I've ever seen to be named after a software utility saw a 2011 season filled with promise and futility.   With Adrian Peterson, Frank Gore, Matt Forte and Marshawn Lynch, Team Datanator demonstrated that you can field a competitive team using auto-draft.  With occasional weeks-long periods of neglect which saw (for example) Roy Williams as a starter from week 10 on (total fantasy points: 5), Nick proved that even a team loaded with stud RBs can limp to the finish line without adequate management.  Late-season injuries to Peterson and Forte didn't help, either.

Nick also demonstrated that you don't need to be a hands-on manger to beat Kevin.

(Okay, to be fair, he also beat Your Esteemed Commissioner, not to mention the eventual champion Orion River Horses).

Merrill's Marauders: After Los Diablos, Merrill is next in the line of 'What's Wrong with the Former Champions?' entrants.  And unlike Kubicek, Merrill's point total for the season (805) is second-lowest, meaning his 5-8-1 finish is about what he earned.  His draft roster is almost a who's who of 2012 fantasy disappointments: Rashard Mendenhall, Andre Johnson, LeGarrette Blount --- seriously, was there a Bucs player this year who wasn't a fantasy disappointment? --- and JerMichael Finley.  Even the early-season pickup of Cam Newton didn't help.

I'm sure the worst part of the season, from Merrill's perspective, is that he not only lost to Kevin, he lost to Kevin twice.  And speaking of Kevin . . . .

Golden Graham's: The Denver Broncos of the TTFFL.  Seriously.  Tim Tebow did for the Graham's what he's done for the Broncos; the only problem was that the TTFFL season is 2 weeks shorter than the NFL season, and the Graham's got Tebow as a starter 2 weeks later than the Broncos did.  But once Kevin had Tebow starting for him, his season totally turned around.  They were 1-6 before the trade, and went 5-2 the rest of the way, even remaining in playoff contention until a week 11 loss to the eventual champion River Horses.

To be honest, a 9th-place finish is better than Kevin usually does.  And of course, there are those 2 victories over Merrill.  All in all, not a bad season for the Graham's.

Leviathans: The Leviathans had an awesome inaugural season in the TTFFL; unfortunately, it was only 5 weeks long.  The Leviathans were unbeatable in weeks 5 through 9, and 1-8 the rest of the way, including a crushing 5-game losing streak to finish out the season.  Hmm, that's the way Pete's seasons usually end --- perhaps the torch has been passed.  To be fair, Levi's end-of-season schedule was brutal, with three consecutive games against playoff teams (YAC Attack, River Horses and Strike Team), and the season finale against the Golden Tebow's --- er, Graham's.

Psychotic Ninjas: I haven't said this before, but I always thought I got away with highway robbery in the 2010 league draft: Rodgers, Austin, DJax, Charles, Foster, Nicks and Bradshaw in the first 10 rounds.  Somehow, even with all that talent, I only managed a 3rd-place finish.

Well, as good as my 2010 draft was, that's about how bad my 2011 draft was.  Three of my top 6 picks lost significant chunks of time to injury (McFadden, Felix Jones, Hightower), and in hindsight, my plan to make the Josh Freeman/Mike Williams combo the cornerstone of my offense was extremely misguided, if not downright idiotic.  It's a miracle I manged even 6 victories on the season.

But wait, that's not all the stupid stuff I did this year!  Let's look at my trades, shall we?  As good as Tebow was for Kevin, Rivers was mediocre for me.  And the steal of the season was my deal to give the Orion River Horses Marques Colston and Tim Hightower for the ultimately useless Jahvid Best.  All I can say to Pete is: you're welcome.

But man, I really robbed Pete blind on that Aaron Hernandez/Owen Daniels trade.  Hernandez averaged 3.7 points per game after that trade, versus 1.7 for Daniels.  Oh yeah, think about that the next time you trade me a tight end, Petey boy!!!

Screaming Eagles: Jason managed the team that did the most with the least.  Despite only putting up 817 points --- third least --- Jason still managed to put up a 7-7 record and had at least a theoretical shot at the playoffs right up to the last week of the regular season.  All they needed to do week 14 was score 52 more points than they did.  I know there's a lot of us who wish we had gotten that close.  The real killer for the Eagles' season was the pathetic display by Chris Johnson, or as I now call him, CJ0KE.  If Johnson had played in 2011 like has the past two seasons, we could well be trying to wrap our minds around an Eagles championship now --- which is even more inconceivable than a River Horses title.

Puttheads: If Kubicek had a disappointing season by winning only 3 games while scoring 895 points, then Jody had a disappointing season on steroids, scoring 1031 points (second most), but managing only a 7-7 record and a fifth-place finish.  By comparison, the Puttheads only scored 967 points in 2010, which earned them a 12-2 record and the top seed in the playoffs.  But I guess that's fantasy.  Part of Jody's problem was a 106-96 week 4 loss to Taylor, but the real roadblock for the otherwise high-flying Puttheads this season was a mysterious slump in weeks 7-9, when they only managed 45, 48 and 48 points.

It's probably not much comfort to Jody that his season began and ended by absolutely pounding Los Diablos into dust, by a combined 222-102 margin.  But as silver linings go, I'd take it.

Suspended Atomnation: In finishing fourth, Adam wins the award for having the best team on the season who didn't really win anything.  With one lonely weekly win, Adam finished with as much money as Los Diablos, and less than the playoff-less Ninjas and Puttheads.  Unlike Kevin or Levi, whose seasons were divided into streaks of winning and (mostly) losing, Adam's Atoms were consistently among the top 2-3 teams all season long.  Unfortunately, someone has to go 0-2 in the playoffs, and this year it was Adam.  You could look at their playoff games and point to lackluster performances by Eli Manning and Ray Rice, but the fact of the matter was that weeks 15 and 16 just weren't the Atoms' weeks, losing by 27 or more each week.

I'm trying to look for a silver lining in this season, but there just isn't one.  Adam can say he made the playoffs --- whee.

YAC Attack: Congratulations to Taylor for fielding the top scoring team of 2011!  And congratulations too for coming out of the season with something to show for it, though taking home the 3rd-place trophy has to sting, considering that YAC Attack outscored Orion River Horses by nearly 200 points on the season.  Add to it that the first-round playoff loss to the Hippos was keyed mostly by Drew Brees having his second-best fantasy day the same week Aaron Rodgers had his second-worst (that, plus the out-of-nowhere 19 points put up by C. J. Spiller).

Trust me, Taylor.  I know what it's like to miss out on a title due to QB issues in the first-round playoff game.  Oh and how I know.

Actually, I'm guessing that adding insult to injury is that this was probably a pretty dull season for Taylor.  With a mostly rock-solid draft (Rodgers, Fitzgerald, Bryant, Fred Jackson, Steve Smith), there really wasn't any need to pay much attention to his lineup each week --- this was the team Nick needed to have --- so Taylor missed out on making moves and nail-biting weekly start/sit decisions which make fantasy football such an awesome pastime.  Better luck next year, Taylor.

No wait, what am I saying?

Strike Team: Second year in the league, second place.  Not too shabby.  I mean, it's no breaking into the league with three straight titles (*cough*, *cough*), but it's still impressive.  Here's a little-known fact about Aaron.  At the start of last season, he was the league's Team Datanator.  By which I mean, he was, shall we say, relaxed about maintaining his roster.  But since about week 5 or 6 of 2010, he's been all in, with a solid draft and consistent performances from his team throughout the season.  But like Taylor in round 1 of the playoffs, Aaron could not overcome the might of the River Horses and their stars Drew Brees and C.  J. Spiller in the title round.  I have a sort of nervous feeling that we may be seeing Strike Team as a force in the playoffs for years to come.

Orion River Horses: The River Horses' season just drives me crazy.  If you had to pick a team to go all the way, they wouldn't have been in the top 4.  With the exception of Drew Brees, and possibly Marques Colston, Pete's draft was chock full of underachievers.  And although Pete successfully foisted Jahvid Best off on the naive and trusting Ninjas in the Colston trade, the dirty little secret there is that I only had Colston available to trade to Pete because Pete dropped him after his collarbone injury in week 1.

Not only that, but the River Horses started the season 2-3, and backed into the playoffs with losses in weeks 13 and 14.  It was less a case of Pete making the playoffs and more a case of everyone else --- Levi, Jody, Jason and myself --- stumbling to the finish line.  I mean hell, Pete even dropped two games to the Ninjas, if you can believe that.

But wow, did Pete ever manage to make the most of the opportunity he had.  I've already talked about Brees' strong finish, and the opportunistic pickup of C. J. Spiller.  Considering that the River Horses only finished 7th in overall scoring, they sure picked a good two weeks to blow the top off of things.  Sometimes that's all it takes.

And so, we draw the curtain on the 2011 TTFFL season.  It's been a blast.  And trust me, guys, I'm not going to draft like a loser again next year.  Pete, Aaron, Taylor and Adam: Don't get cocky.