I'm sitting here watching reruns of Malcolm in the Middle, and trying to think of something clever to write for the year-end review. I'm also mildly annoyed that this will be my first season in 6 years of playing fantasy that I don't at least break even financially (thank goodness for Adam and his BFL confidence league, or this year would have been a total bust), but I'm pretty sure the Broncos and Seahawks will come through for me big time in my playoff league.
And thanks to the new league rules which set next year's draft order based on this year's results, I'm already planning my strategy for next year. How could anyone think this was a bad rule?
Anyway, our team-by-team review of the year starts with:
The Team Formerly Known as the Puttheads: The Non-Puttheads' season ended in a fitting fashion, not with a bang, but with a pathetic 28-point performance agains the defending champion Orion River Horses. The first TTFFL Toilet Bowl (yes, that's what I'm calling the week 16 battle for last place until someone comes up with a better name) lived down to expectations, as it was the lowest-scoring game all year. Jody's 28 tied for third-lowest score all season, and Pete's "winning" score of 35 was eighth-lowest. And although Jody managed to cram the 5th-highest regular season point total into only four wins, it's fairly easy to see how he finished last. With QB choices of the weak-armed Andy Dalton and the injured Michael Vick, the RB trio of Alex Green, Rashard Mendenhall and Shane Vereen behind his stud Arian Foster (who put up a spectacular -2 before leaving the game with an irregular heartbeat), and the stud TE Gronkowski sitting on his bench, Jody didn't stand a chance.
Let's all enjoy making Jody a punching bag for the next year, because I expect he'll bounce back in 2013.
The Orion River Horses: Usually 35 points doesn't win you anything in this league, but the River Horses' pitiful 35 point performance in the Toilet Bowl did win something for Pete: he gets to keep his team name. Other than that, 2012 was pretty much wall-to-wall disappointment for our defending league champion. After week 9 standing at 4-5, he actually had a shot, but then finished the season on a 5-game losing streak. This despite having the #6 QB in the league in RGIII, who he managed to bench at crucial points in the season. The fact that he managed to dodge the last-place boobie prize is the lone bright spot for a defending champ who finished the regular season with the lowest point total in the league.
Note to Aaron: Jody was the league champ in 2010, and Pete in 2011. They're keeping a spot warm for you in the cellar for next year.
Suspended Atomnation: Rounding out the 4-10 teams who justly finished at the bottom of the league is Adam and his Suspended Atomnation, proud owner of two of the three lowest game scores all season. This year's Suspended Atomnation team proved that there is something to the notion of karma, stinking it up for the first 10 weeks (with only a week 3 win over the arguably more pathetic River Horses) before scoring wins in 4 of his next 5 games --- averaging 87.5 points in those wins --- after belatedly paying his league dues. In fact, owners in other leagues may want to give Adam a kick in the head for karmically ruining the fantasy seasons of LeSean McCoy, BenJarvus Green-Ellis, Mikel LeShoure, Steven Jackson, Hakeem Nicks and Tony Romo through the first 11 weeks of the season.
But Adam's paid up through the start of 2014, so you should look out for Adam's Atoms next year!
Los Diablos: The lowest-seeded of an amazing 9 teams that finished the season at .500 or better, Kubicek and his Diablos pretty much learned that those who live by the stud QB die by the stud QB. Aaron Rodgers had a good fantasy year, finishing 3rd overall in fantasy scoring for the season, but saved two of his best efforts for weeks 16 and 17, which were of no use to Los Diablos. Particularly crushing were his 7-, 9- and 8-point totals in the final three weeks of the season, pushing Kubicek from playoff contender to top dog in the loser's bracket.
This is not to say that Rodgers' down weeks were Los Diablos' only problems. He also came out on the wrong end of 2-point losses in high scoring games against Leviathans in week 4 and Screaming Eagles in week 7. And then, of course, there was the ruthless 103-71 pounding Kubicek took from THE MIGHTY NINJAS in week 9!!! Let's see, that's a last-place finish in 2011, and 9th-place in 2012. You might make it as high as 6th next year, Kubicek!!!
Team Datanator: Was the most schizophrenic team in the league, running hot and cold in equal amounts and so quite understandably finishing 7-7. I'm far too lazy to calculate the standard deviation in weekly scores for every team in the league (maybe some year I'll set up a calculator to do that for me --- the results could be fascinating!), but I think it's a good bet that Team Datanator had the highest one this year. Just as likely to score 30 points as 80 in any given week, Nick's weekly point totals were as unpredictable as his drafting strategy or his starting lineup from one week to the next. But actually, were it not for conveniently low-scoring opponents in weeks 7-9, Team Datanator would have been playing in the Toilet Bowl in week 16 instead of the River Horses.
With the fourth overall pick in the draft next year, maybe Team Datanator can make up for their biggest weakness in 2012 --- having to choose each week between Josh Freeman and Matt Cassel at quarterback.
Air Apparent: For the sixth year in a row (at least), Taylor demonstrates that scoring a lot of points isn't a requirement for winning a TTFFL title. Taylor always scores a lot of points, and he never wins any titles. I don't remember what Taylor might have done in the old pre-ESPN days, but somehow he always manages to be done for the year after week 14. This year, it seems Taylor managed the feat by scoring practically all of his points in the first four weeks of the season. It's hard to believe that a team with Matt Ryan, Stevan Ridley, C.J. Spiller, Megatron, Roddy White and Randall Cobb could finish out of the money, but Taylor does have a talent for doing a little with a lot. Keep it up next year, big guy!
Golden Graham's: I think it's fair to say that, despite the 6th-place finish, this was Kevin's best year in the league. He scored wins over Jody and The Evil One (though dropping the critical week 14 playoff qualifier to Merrill), he actually outscored the league in week 3, which I'm led to believe is the first time in the 123 years of the TTFFL that he's won a dime, he clawed his way to sole possession of first place after week 12 (right before he jinxed himself by bragging and dropping his final two games), and he'll get the #2 pick in the draft next year, which I believe is the highest draft pick he's ever had.
Kind of sad, really. Kevin's season was fairly mediocre, and it's the best he's ever had. Still, 6th place overall is pretty good for a team with Matt Schaub and Sam Bradford as its starting QBs.
The Leviathans: Levi drafted the top overall player in fantasy in 2012 (Drew Brees) and the #1 RB (Adrian Peterson), and still managed to finish 5th. Like Kubicek, The Leviathans' season was largely dependent on their stud QB, eating critical losses in weeks 13 and 14 when Brees was less than brilliant, and was in fact downright awful. Levi also suffered with an unreliable receiving corps (Jennings, Bowe) and unreliable supporting backfield behind AP, including the feast-and-mostly famine Jamaal Charles.
With the first overall pick next year, the only remaining question is whether Levi can get a better supporting cast for AP in 2013. Maybe if he doesn't draft quite so many kickers.
The Psychotic Ninjas: Oh, the fantasy gods had a merry time with the Ninjas this year. They did. From the 0-4 oh-wait-stat-correction-I-mean 0-5 start, to their subsequent 9 game winning streak, to their absolutely hopeless pounding at the hands of Strike Team in the first round of the playoffs to the consolation game loss courtesy of the absolutely hopeless Arizona Cardinals coughing up not one but TWO defensive TDs to the Chicago Bears and, by extension, the Screaming Eagles, the Ninjas ultimately ended up in the second-crappiest position at the end of the season. No money, but also a lousy draft pick heading into 2013. The only silver lining is that the team will still be named the Psychotic Ninjas --- and the fact that we all know they can win no matter where they're drafting from.
But that semifinal playoff game --- damn. I mean, Colin Kaepernick scored THREE TIMES as many points as the rest of the Ninjas starters combined. If the rest of the Ninjas' starters had even managed to get a couple of points below their season average, they would have prevailed over Strike Team in spite of James Jones' best fantasy day ever, and then the Ninjas would have steamrolled the Marauders for their fourth league title. But the fantasy gods made sure that never came close to happening. I wonder what I did to upset them?
At any rate, I'm pretty sure I can play fantasy for the next 20 years and never see another 9-game winning streak.
The Screaming Eagles: The Eagles' season actually paralleled the Ninjas' fairly closely, expect that the Eagles did most of their winning early on (7-1 in their first 8 games), then enduring a 4-game losing streak before ringing up wins in weeks 13 and 14 to finish the season right behind the Ninjas. It's appropriate that these two met in the consolation round. While the Eagles muddled along with a fair-to-middlin' backfield (Eli, Shonn Greene, Ahmad Bradshaw), the Eagles real strength was in their receiving corps (Julio, Brandon Marshall, Demariyus Thomas). Maybe the Eagles should declare themselves the new YAC Attack, since the name's available.
But real strength of the Eagles was in their defense --- or, more accurately, the Bears defense, which probably deserves credit for four of the Eagles' victories, including the consolation matchup with the Ninjas (Damn you, crappy Arizona Cardinals! Damn you, Beanie Wells!). Which just goes to prove the most basic truism of fantasy football: always draft a defense early.
Merrill's Marauders: The 2012 Marauders are an example of a team playing above their talent level (similar to the 2011 River Horses). With only the 8th-most points in the league through 14 weeks, the Marauders were a mediocre 5-5 before putting on a burst to the finish line with a 4-game win streak to end the season, including what I'm sure was a very satisfying week 14 dismemberment of the Golden Graham's to end their playoff hopes. As was the case with Los Diablos and the Leviathans, Merrill's season mostly hinged on the play of his QB, in this case Cam Newton, who appeared to be a bust early on, but then got it all together in the final weeks to help push Merrill almost all the way to the top. Merrill's loss in the title game was partly due to the fact that his supporting case let him down (I think Darren McFadden is a pretty good candidate for bust of the year, no?), and partly due to the fact that Aaron's team came up big when it counted --- gee, it seems like I say that about our champion every year, doesn't it?
Which brings us to . . . .
Strike Team: Shortly before the trade deadline, I made Aaron a trade offer. I was feeling like Tony Romo wouldn't get me the points I needed from QB, but I felt like I was loaded at RB, with Doug Martin, Fred Jackson, LeSean McCoy, Vick Ballard and about to pick Ronnie Hillman up off of waivers. I looked at Aaron's pitiful backfield of Reggie Bush, Michael Bush and NO ONE ELSE (Willis McGahee had just gone on IR), and figured he might want to take two of my non-Martin RBs in exchange for Manning.
I later decided I didn't want to make that swap, and neither did Aaron. I continued my winning streak and was glad to see Aaron make the playoffs, figuring he'd go nowhere with the nowhere backfield. One less team I needed to worry about.
Oops.
Who could have predicted that Reggie Bush, averaging a bit more than 5 points per game going into the championship, would blow up for 23? Who could have predicted that James freakin' Jones, who started the season barely ahead of the geriatric Donald Driver on the Packers' depth chart, would blow up for 21 points in the semifinal round, and 11 in the title game? Other than Peyton, Wes Welker and Aaron Hernandez, who on Aaron's roster is someone you would expect to be on a championship team? (And Hernandez put up a goose egg in the title game).
But, hey, that's fantasy. And don't forget, Aaron: This year for the first time, as a bonus for your victory, you'll get to choose a name an avatar for Jody's team next year. I'm guessing Kevin might have some suggestions for you if you need ideas.
So as we close the books on the 2012 TTFFL season, we once again salute Strike Team for their title, and vow to crush them beneath our heel in the 2013 season. As we look ahead to July, when I start bugging everyone about starting up again, here's a reminder about next season's draft order:
- The Leviathans
- Golden Graham's
- Air Apparent
- Team Datanator
- Los Diablos
- Suspended Atomnation
- Orion River Horses
- ??? - (The Team Formerly Known as the Puttheads)
- Psychotic Ninjas
- Screaming Eagles
- Merrill's Marauders
- Strike Team
Happy New Year, everyone!
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