Hail to the Moist Spots!!!

Moist Dermatitis is a skin condition in dogs.

In my 9 years in the TTFFL, I have seen a lot of amazing things.  Like a newbie winning the title in each of his first 3 years in the league (I forget which owner did that).  But Aaron has accomplished something that even the amazing Psychotic Ninjas have never accomplished --- and never will!  He won the league title one year after finishing in last place, and having his team ignominiously renamed to The Moist Spots.

Well done, Aaron.

This is a fitting end to what has probably been the craziest season of fantasy football I've ever played.  I've already pointed out the high degree of roster turnover among the league's best teams, partly due to injuries (Andrew Luck, Marshawn Lynch, LeVeon Bell, Jamaal Charles, Dez Bryant, Peyton Manning --- the list goes on and on), and partly due to outright sucking (C.J. Anderson, DeMarco Murray, Demariyus Thomas, Calvin Johnson, Jeremy Hill, Randall Cobb, Peyton Manning --- the list goes on and on).  But another thing I've noticed is how easily the season could have ended differently.  Just about every team in the league could have claimed the title with just one or two different decisions.

The Moist Spots are the champs, of course, but Mex would have pulled it out if Antonio Brown and Ted Ginn played in week 16 (combined total of 3 points) a little more like they did in week 15 (37 points).  Similarly, Adam would have taken the championship easily if he had made it to the title game, which he would have done if he had picked Teddy Bridgewater off of waivers and played him in the semifinal round instead of T.J. Yates.

Continuing on down the line, the only thing that kept the River Horses out of the title game was the fact that he sucked really, really badly in the semifinal game --- Mex nearly doubled his score --- and then continued his powerful sucking into the final round.  Hey, I said 'just about every team' could have claimed the title --- not ALL of them.

But consider the 5th-place Golden Graham's.  They would have won the title had they made it to the title game, and would have won in the semifinals against Aaron if he had made it into the playoffs as the #4 seed.  So the only thing keeping the title out of Kevin's hands is the fact that he started DeAndre Hopkins in week 14 instead of Michael Floyd.  So cheer up, Kevin! You were only one bad decision away from the title!

And lest anyone think I'm picking on Kevin, the same holds true for your esteemed commissioner, who only missed the playoffs by starting Vincent Jackson over Allen Hurns and Tyler Lockett in week 14.  Of course, it also would have helped if Thomas Rawls hadn't gotten hurt, or Vincent Jackson hadn't gotten hurt, or if Cam Newton threw a TD to Greg Olsen once in a while, or if the Dolphins gave Lamar Miller more than five freakin' carries in the second half of their game against the Giants, after he rushed for more than 7 YPC with two touchdowns in the first half.

If any one of those things had just gone slightly differently, I would be claiming my fifth title right now.  Not that I'm bitter.  And since Jason decided to have his one good game of the year last week, when I posted my highest point total, it has now been exactly two years since I won a damn thing in this league.  Again, not that I'm bitter.

It looks like Levi really wasn't that close to claiming the title.  Like father, like son, I guess.  Merrill wouldn't have won the title, but could have finished second if not for a run of bad luck in weeks 11-13, when he lost by 6, 5 and 3 points.  Jody probably could have managed a better finish than 6-8, maybe.  And Taylor, Kubicek and Jason certainly could have been more competitive if they had paid someone to draft for them.

At any rate, congratulations once again to The Moist Spots.  I look forward to finding out what name he'll give to Taylor for his team next year.  And speaking of next year, the draft order will be:

1. Golden Graham's
2. Psychotic Ninjas
3. Leviathans
4. Merrill's Marauders
5. Screaming Eagles
6. Los Diablos
7. Team Harbaughs
8. The Team Formerly Known as Air Apparent
9. Orion River Horses
10. Suspended Atomnation
11. ~AirMex~
12. The Moist Spots (or Strike Team, or . . . ?)

Moist or Mex?

You don't want to know what I found when I Googled for 'Mexican Moist Spots'

This year has the potential to be a first in the TTFFL (at least in the modern era, which began in 2007).  If Aaron and his Moist Spots defeat Mex next week, he will have accomplished the league's first-ever worst-to-first finish from one year to the next.

The matchup promises to be a thriller, as Aaron and Mex were two of FIVE teams to score 87 or more points last week --- a stunning display of fireworks.  If history is any guide, the championship will likely be a 23-21 defensive battle.

In the other brackets, the Ninjas and Graham's --- two of the other high scorers this week --- will duke it out for next year's #1 overall pick, and in the upset of the weekend, Jason (with a mind-boggling high score of 106 points this week) and Kubicek both avoided the toilet bowl, which will feature Taylor against Jody --- who has a chance to finish last for the third time in the last 4 years.

When all of the fireworks is over --- sometime around New Year's Eve --- watch this space for a typically wordy discussion of possible rule changes for 2016.

Playoff Matchups

Just a quick hit here --- I guess Pete really showed me with his resounding 73-46 victory over Jason.  I guess I reverse-jinxed him.  So, in that spirit, I bet Kubicek is going to beat the living daylights out of Taylor this weekend!

Anyway, congratulations to this year's playoff qualifiers, The Moist Spots, River Horses, Mex and Suspended Atomnation!

Moving on down, one of these teams will get the first overall pick in next year's draft: Golden Graham's, Psychotic Ninjas, Leviathans and (*sigh*) Merrill.

And one of *these* teams will be playing with a different name next year: Team Harbaughs, Air Apparent, Los Diablos and Screaming Eagles.

Remember, if any playoff game ends in a tie, the higher-seeded team is declared the winner.  I had to rearrange playoff matchups a bit to make sure the correct teams were playing each other --- I don't know whether the system might have sent out a notification of some sort.

Good luck, everyone!

Week 14 Playoff Scenarios

What are the ingredients for success in fantasy football?

Some of the things are obvious (prepare for your draft), and some are more subtle (mind your position on the waiver wire).  Most are directly related to the game of football (pay attention to all the games and each player's performance), but some are more arcane (you can't be named "Taylor" or "Merrill").

Over the weekend, I noticed a startling fact about the teams in our league.  There has been a LOT of waiver wire activity, but some teams have definitely made more use of the waiver wire than others.  In fact, four teams in the league have more than *HALF* of their rosters pulled from the waiver wire:

1. Supended Atomnation: 14 waiver-wire players
2. ~ Airmex ~: 12
3. The Moist Spots: 11
4. Psychotic Ninjas: 10

Is it just a coincidence that these are four of the top 6 teams in the league (another top-6 team, the River Horses, has 8 waiver-wire players)?  Does it mean that these owners are better at spotting hot prospects than the rest of the league, or does it just mean they're more proactive team managers?  Or maybe, does it just mean that they suck at drafting?

Of course, a lot of waiver wire activity doesn't necessarily guarantee success.  Take Taylor, for example, with his 8 waiver wire adds.

Whatever it takes to succeed, I guess.  I have to admit, I was getting a bit nervous last night as I watched Matt Cassel consistently NOT throw the ball to Dez Bryant.  If Bryant had put up a doughnut, I still would have tied with Merrill, but it probably would have ended my season, and that would have been an especially crappy way to go --- with my brilliant early-season trade for Bryant dooming me.

And really, who wants their fantasy season to end with a tie?  No one.  Am I right, Mex?

Fortunately, that didn't happen.  Unfortunately, I'm still on the outside looking in as far as playoffs are concerned.  The season-ending playoff scenarios are as follows:

The Moist Spots fell to the River Horses last week, but it doesn't really matter.  Aaron could probably bench all of his players next week, take the loss and the zero, and he would still get in unless Pete scores 124 and I score 126.  In other words, congratulations on clinching a playoff spot, Aaron.

Suspended Atomnation will clinch a playoff spot with a win OR losses by two out of Golden Graham's, River Horses, Psychotic Ninjas or Mex.

Golden Graham's only need to win to clinch a playoff spot, thanks to their huge point advantage over the River Horses and Ninjas.  They will also clinch with a loss if two out of the River Horses, Ninjas and Mex lose.

River Horses clinch with a win, unless Ninjas also win and outscore the River Horses by 3 or more points.  Both can clinch with a win and a loss by the other, or by Graham's, or Atomnation.

I'm going to predict right now that Pete loses to league cellar-dwellar Jason --- currently the lowest-scoring team in the league by almost 200 points --- because if Jason knocked Pete out of the playoffs, it would be really, really funny.

Finally, ~ Mex ~ will clinch a playoff spot with a win and losses by two of the teams ahead of him (Atomnation, Graham's, River Horses, Ninjas).  If Atomnation is one of those teams that loses, Mex also needs to retain his lead in points.

And that's it.  The rest of y'all can huddle together and come up with suggestions for Jason's team name next year, to give to the eventual league champion 

Week 13 Playoff Scenarios

Insane.  In.  Sane.

I was expecting some clustering as we neared the season's end.  What I didn't expect was for half of the teams to cluster more near the TOP while the other half clustered more near the BOTTOM.

1. Moist Spots: 9-3, 858 points
2. Suspended Atomnation: 8-4, 778 points
3. Golden Graham's: 7-5, 843 points
4. ~ AirMex ~: 7-5, 794 points
5. Psychotic Ninjas: 7-5, 744 points
6. Orion River Horses: 7-5, 721 points
7. Merrill's Marauders: 5-7, 824 points
8. Team Harbaughs: 5-7, 754 points
9. Leviathans: 5-7, 751 points
10. Air Apparent: 4-8, 723 points
11. Los Diablos: 4-8, 719 points
12. Screaming Eagles: 4-8, 514 points

Let's get the easy stuff out of the way first.  All of the 4-8 teams are done.  All of the 5-7 teams are out with one more loss.  And even if Merrill, Jody or Levi win both of their remaining games, they still need at least THREE of the 7-5 teams to lose both remaining games AND finish with more points than all of them.

So let's focus on the teams with a prayer, shall we?

Moist Spots haven't finally, formally, without-a-doubt mathematically clinched a playoff spot yet, but the only way they miss is if they lose both remaining games; at least THREE of the 7-5 teams win both remaining games, and all three of those 7-5 teams finish with more points  than Aaron.  Given that Aaron already has 100+ more points than the Ninjas and River Horses, it's safe to say he'll finish in the top 4.

Given his 80-point lead over Adam, it's likely he clinches the #1 seed with one more victory.

Suspended Atomnation needs to win both remaining games to be assured a playoff spot, although just one more victory will likely be enough, since it's unlikely that three of the 7-5 teams will win out with enough points to outscore Adam.

And then there were --- the Graham's, Mex, the Ninjas and the River Horses.  Surprisingly, none of them play any of the others in the last 2 weeks, so they could all finish anywhere between 7-7 and 9-5.  So the final 2 weeks for these teams will resemble a kind of demolition derby --- we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Finally some observations . . . One great joy of fantasy is to score the most points the same week you're playing the guy who scored the second-most.  Almost as good is when you score the second-fewest points on a week when you play the team scoring the fewest.  Thanks for making last week fun, Taylor!

Also . . . man, I've made some bad trades in my day, but I bet Jody's really regretting his trade where he gave up Matthew Stafford for Matt Ryan.  It didn't make any difference to the results this weekend --- both Mex and Jody won --- but it's still looking like a big win for Mex at the moment.

And Merrill, Jody --- since you guys are out of the running anyway, there's no reason you need to put up your A game the rest of the year.  Rest your starters, let some hungry up-and-comers show what they can do.  No point sacrificing the future just for the sake of some meaningless wins which won't help you anyway.

Week 12 Playoff Scenarios

It's that time of year again.  Time for me to spend insane amounts of time figuring out possible playoff scenarios.  This will give me a pleasant break from obsessing over my 4 fantasy teams.

I need to take a knee for a moment.

First, our current standings are as follows:

1. Moist Spots (8-3)
2. Golden Graham's (7-4)
3. Suspended Atomnation (7-4)
4. ~ AirMex ~ (6-5)
5. Psychotic Ninjas (6-5)
6. River Horses (6-5)
7. Merrill (5-6)
8. Leviathans (5-6)
9. Harbaughs (4-7)
10. Air Apparent (4-7)
11. Los Diablos (4-7)
12. Screaming Eagles (4-7)

The Moist Spots are sitting pretty, but they don't have anything locked up yet.  They'll clinch a playoff spot with two more victories, and even one more win will likely be enough given their substantial points advantage over Mex, Ninjas and the River Horses.

Coincidentally, Aaron goes up against the cellar-dwelling Screaming Eagles this week, which would seem to be a perfect setup for him to get a near-clinching win.  Of course, it also sets him up to stumble and fall over an opponent who doesn't even belong on the same field with him --- and I can see it happening.  After all, it's already a miracle that Jason has managed 4 wins this year; knocking off the league-leader wouldn't be any more surprising than any of those.

The Golden Graham's and Suspended Atomnation will both clinch a playoff berth if they win out, but that's hardly a news flash.  Kevin will almost certainly clinch a playoff spot with two more victories, given his surprisingly large lead in points over all the 6-5 teams.  Adam doesn't have that luxury, but 2 wins still probably clinches a playoff spot for him unless two of the three 6-5 teams win out AND outscore him by a bit.

After this, it's pretty much of a crap shoot.  Mathematics dictates that one (or more!) of the remaining 9 teams will make the playoffs, but no one really has an advantage over anyone else.  Merrill has a substantial points advantage over the remaining 8 teams, and so winning out will earn him a playoff spot so long as Mex, the Ninjas and the River Horses all lose at least once.  And other than Jason --- who still has scored a laughably pitiful number of points --- none of these teams is facing an insurmountable hurdle to the playoffs, either.

But I'll diss Jason some more later.  For now I want to talk about my week 11 victory over Kubicek.

THANK GOD I managed to eke out that victory.  Other than winning a title, there is probably no greater joy in fantasy football than picking out that sleeper and having him put up big points for your team when you really need it.  I added Thomas Rawls after week 3, and I watched helplessly when he put up 14 points on my bench in week 5.  But I held onto him, thinking that Marshawn Lynch might have more soft tissue problems, and that Rawls would be a worthy starter again this season.

And I was right!  Shortly before 3:00 Sunday afternoon, word came out that Lynch was inactive!  I wasn't too keen starting Randall Cobb anyway --- the guy has been a stiff all year, except for week 3 when I got to enjoy Cobb catching 3 touchdown passes from Aaron Rodgers, the guy Taylor had at QB against me --- so I went to my roster to bench Cobb in favor of Rawls.

AND DAMMIT TO HELL, I couldn't do it, because Dez Bryant was already locked into my RB/WR flex position!  Noooo!  I was denied the opportunity to reap the fruits of my foresight and patience, and all because I started Bryant as a 'flex' instead of a WR!  Are you kidding me?  Who pays attention to that crap?

AND TO MAKE IT WORSE, I had to sit and watch helplessly as Mason goddamn Crosby kept hitting field goal after field goal against the Vikings (jacking up Kubicek's total), while Blair Walsh, the Vikings kicker in my lineup, didn't even attempt a field goal --- AND he even missed an extra point!

Have I mentioned that I really dislike even having kickers on our rosters?

Anyway --- all's well that ends well.  I got the victory, and in the end my inability to swap in Rawls only cost me 17 points.  Of course, that would put me in 4th place right now instead of 5th, and could very well be the difference between me making the playoffs and battling for next year's #1 pick, but what the hell.  That's fantasy.

Anyway, getting back to playoff scenarios --- obviously, the 6-5 teams all have an inside track on the final playoff spot, but as fate would have it, none of Mex, the Ninjas or the River Horses play each other the final three weeks of the season, so it's possible for them all to finish 6-8.  Similarly, none of the 4-7 teams play each other the final three weeks, other than a week 13 meeting between Team Harbaughs and Air Apparent, so three of those teams could conceivably win out to finish 7-7.  So in a very real sense, everyone still has a realistic shot at the playoffs.

Even Jason.

How the hell does he do it?  Every other team in the league has outscored him by at least 18 points per game.  Not only that, only 3 teams in the league have had more points scored against them --- but he still has as many wins as Team Harbaughs, Air Apparent and our laughable defending champ, Los Diablos.  Not only that, somehow he managed to beat Merrill, the second-highest scorer in the league, this week.  So, you know, go Jason!  And as mentioned above, his foe this week is the league-leading Moist Spots, so maybe the hoodoo that's keeping him in the playoff hunt will also bring down Aaron.

I'm telling you: it could happen.

The Season at the Halfway Point

Why do we play fantasy football?

I'm sure we all have different reasons.  We do it because it enhances the experience of watching football.  We do it because it makes us care about games we would otherwise ignore (Jags/Bills, for example, or Chiefs/Lions --- any game played in London, really).  We do it for the glory when we win, for the trash-talking when we lose, and for the money we might win now and then.

But mostly, fundamentally, we play fantasy football because it's FUN!  Okay, the losing part isn't so fun.  Drafting a first-round bust (Andrew Luck, Eddie Lacy, C.J. Anderson, DeMarco Murray) isn't so fun.  Losing games you should easily win isn't so fun.  But when you end up on the right side of any of those things, it makes all the rest of it worth it.

So in this mid-season summary, I plan to focus on fun.

For example, I'm guessing our defending toilet bowl champion, Aaron (aka Moist Spots) is having hella fun right about now.  There's been a lot of talk about a possible Past Champions Curse, in which previous year's champions drop to the bottom of the league (Jody x2, Aaron) or near it (Pete) in subsequent years.  (Your Esteemed Comissioner has thus far been immune to this curse). In fact, while we're on the subject, it's worth pointing out that the current defending champ, Kubicek, currently sits at 10th place in the standings.

But Aaron is on pace to complete what is possibly the first worst-to-first finish in league history, as he currently sits atop the league standings with the league's only 6-1 record --- and his last 5 victories haven't been close, with a margin of 16 points or more in each.

For those who haven't been paying attention, Aaron has been regularly posting trash talk on each of his opponents --- just about the only guy in the league (with Your Esteemed Commissioner a notable exception) who actually engages in trash talk in this, you know, trash talking league.  Yeah, I would say he's having fun.

I'm guessing Kevin is having fun, too, sitting at 5-2 when he's usually the butt of most of our jokes.  Of course, there's still half the season left to play, which gives him plenty of time to pile up the losses.  Plus he just lost to Merrill, which is a serious buzzkill (trust me).  Still, more good times than bad, year to date.

Rounding out the top 4, Mex and Adam were no doubt having more fun before week 7 than they are now.  Mex lost Arian Foster for the season, and Adam, well --- we'll get to Adam's bad week 7 in just a little bit.

Everyone else in the league is on the wrong side of the won-lost ledger, which means we're all having sads more weeks than we're having fun.  But there's still some fun things to point out.

For one thing, half the league sits at 3-4.  That's kind of a fun fact.  I've noticed this in the past; we have a tendency to cluster.  In fact, I predict that with the possible exception of Aaron, the top teams will fall back to the pack before the season ends.

I also predict that with the DEFINITE exception of Jason, the bottom teams will move up.  And there are a lot of fun facts coming out of Jason's current last-place position in the league (well, fun for everyone but Jason, that is).  Because if you haven't been paying attention, Jason's team sucks.  I mean, dear God does it suck.  It may possibly be the suckiest team ever in the history of sucking.

Here's one fun fact.  If you sort the teams in the league by points scored, Merrill sits at the top with 514 points, and the totals drop at fairly regular intervals down to Kubicek, in 11th place with 426.  So the difference between the most points and 11th-most is 88 points.

And in last place sits Jason with 247 points --- 179 behind Kubicek.  In other words, the difference from 11th to 12th is almost exactly TWICE as much as the difference between first and 11th.

Here's another fun fact.  Most weeks, you should expect to score 60-65 points to have a shot at getting a win in this league.  Jason's pathetic 247 points averages out to just a bit more than 35 points a week.  It's kind of a miracle Jason has won any games at all.

And coming to Jason's victories, THAT'S kind of fun, too --- at least to me.  His first victory was in week 4, when somehow Taylor managed to only put up 32 points despite Aaron Rodgers, Julio Jones and Martellus Bennett in his lineup (notably, Jason would NOT have won without his kicker --- Vinatieri accounted for one-third of Jason's points that week --- so Taylor is probably wishing we had followed my sage advice to eliminate them).

His second --- and probably final --- victory came this week over the 5-2 Atomnation, and was due almost entirely to a 28-point effort by Kirk Cousins, which was one more point than Jason's 8 remaining players combined.  His 55 point total will usually get you a victory in a week when your opponent plays like crap.  Which Adam did.

I don't mean to pile on Jason like this, but his team is really just stunningly bad (besides, piling on is FUN, which is the whole point, right?).  So I'll finish this review by noting one last fun fact which might make Jason feel better about his lost season.

Merrill has scored the most points in the league so far.  His 514 points doubles Jason's 247 with lots to spare.  And yet --- Merrill has only one more victory than Jason so far this year.  I don't know if it makes Jason feel any better, but it makes me laugh and laugh and laugh . . .

Happy Labor Day!!!

Only 3 days 'til the draft!  Can you feel the excitement?!?  Are you ready?!?  I certainly hope not!

I'm pleased to announce that I finally received the last of the 2015 league dues, from Adam, who seemed intent on making the most of this final season before the late-payment penalty goes into effect.  When I did finally receive his payment, he was thoughtful enough to include a hand-written, personalized note, which I found to be quite eloquent and moving:

I'm touched, Adam.  I truly am.

Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!!!

At the moment, the TTFFL is the Devil's house.  That needs to change.

So, how are things?  Everyone had a good winter?  Spring?  Summer?  Good, good.  But now, it's about to get even better, because the Steelers and Patriots kick of the 2015 NFL season in less than 10 weeks!  Woo-hoo!  Does everyone have their projections done?

Okay, okay, so.  The usual start-of season stuff:

1. The draft order is set here, and on the league site.
2. I seem to recall last year we held a vote to make the Wednesday night before the first game of the season our permanent draft night.  That would mean our draft will be held on Wednesday, September 9.  Does 8:30 EDT work for everyone?  Let me know.
3. A scheduling note: I'm traveling to the Grand Canyon over the weekend of September 26, 27, and so I will be incommunicado as far as doing commissionery things that weekend (there is no wifi on the floor of the Grand Canyon).  This shouldn't be a problem, since it seems I rarely need to do anything during the season other than approve the occasional trade, but if anyone has any concerns, let me know.
4. If anyone would like to suggest any rule changes, get them into me quick so I can hold a league vote.
5. MONEY!  You know how I love to get paid.  There is a full breakdown of finances here, but the summary is:

Jody: Wins the prize for being the only league member to owe the full $60 this year.  Good lord, I'm going broke with you guys.

Merrill, Kevin, Pete: Owe $30 apiece.  (Merrill also owes Battlin' Sweethearts dues, as detailed on that blog).

Taylor, Adam, Aaron: Owe $45 apiece (Aaron also owes Battlin' Sweethearts dues, as detailed on that blog).

Kubicek, Jason, Mex, Levi: Are already paid in full.  That needs to change.  Clearly I'm taking it too easy on you guys.

I guess the last remaining detail is the name for Aaron's team.  Kubicek, you're supposed to get him a new name and avatar by August 1, and Aaron, you're supposed to start using them no later than draft night.  Since Kubicek has had half a year to think about it, he's come up with something really great.

Or he's completely forgotten about it.  Most likely the latter.

2014 Year in Review

Before the usual nonsense, let's get the 2015 draft order out of the way:

1. The Jody McBodys (or whatever Jody chooses to name his team)
2. Psychotic Ninjas
3. Air Apparent
4. Merrill's Marauders
5. Screaming Eagles
6. Orion River Horses
7. Golden Graham's
8. Aaron's team (to be named later by Kubicek)
9. Suspended Atomnation
10. The Leviathans
11. ~ AirMex ~
12. Los Diablos

In case you've forgotten, then end-of-year accounting totals are available here.  And with the clerical business out of the way, let's review 2014 for . . . .

Strike Team: Much has been made of Strike Team's decline since claiming the 2012 TTFFL title.  Since that auspicious day in December 2012, Aaron has won a total of 10 games, and one of those was the 2013 Toilet Bowl, where Aaron narrowly avoided finishing last.  Well, he wasn't so lucky in 2014.  In his 12 total losses this season (including playoffs), most of those games weren't close, and all of them had margins of at least 6 points.

He got off to a rough start, drafting three suspended players (Ray Rice, Wes Welker and Matt Prater), as well as a number of just plain duds (Reggie Bush, Mike Tolbert, Mike Williams, Doug Baldwin, Donald Brown and Jordan Todman), and his studs weren't plentiful enough to overcome it.  So it's the end for the Strike Team, at least for 2015.  I wonder what their new name will be?

Golden Graham's: It's a complete mystery why the Golden Graham's finished just one win away from last place.  I'm pretty sure they drafted well and had a roster stocked with healthy, productive players all season, right?  I mean, if something had gone wrong for them somehow this season, I'm pretty sure Kevin would have mentioned it, wouldn't he?

Well, he DID draft Adrian Peterson in the first round --- and he only averaged 3 fantasy points per game.  He also had one or two players knocked out for the season with injuries, namely Victor Cruz, Danny Woodhead, Joe McKnight, Allen Robinson and Austin Sefarian-Jenkins.  And Giovani Bernard, Ben Tate and Reggie Wayne just sucked.

As a result, Kevin finished right about where we all expected him to.

Orion River Horses: Pete drafted reasonably well --- for three rounds.  After picking up Brees, Lynch and Colston (Pete loves him the Brees/Colston combo, he does), the rest of his draft was pretty much a waste of time, with Vernon Davis, Ryan Mathews, Cecil Shorts, Johnny Leaf Manziel and Eric Ebron all in the first 12 rounds.  But he tried like hell to improve his team via the waiver wire, picking up TWENTY-EIGHT free agents during the season.

It worked well enough to pick up 5 wins and avoid last place, but that's the best that can be said for the 2014 River Horses.

Screaming Eagles: The Eagles draft was also fairly horrible, with Le'Veon Bell and Antonio Brown as the only true studs Jason drafted in the first 17 rounds.  And unlike Pete, Jason didn't play the waiver wire very much (and his best pickup all season was Mohamed Sanu).  In fact, I was really struggling to figure out how Jason managed to finish the season with 4 straight wins (including playoffs), much less compile a 6-8 regular season record.

Then I noticed that Jason picked up a little-known wideout named Odell Beckham, Jr. in the final round of the draft.  Okay then.  Let this be a reminder to everyone that 18th-round picks aren't throwaway picks, and can mean the difference between a respectable season and utter disaster (or under different circumstances, the difference between a respectable season and a title).

Merrill's Marauders: In contrast to Jason, I look at Merrill's draft and wonder how he managed to finish only slightly better than Jason.  Sure, he drafted a few duds (Bishop Sankey, Jordan Cameron, Dwayne Bowe) and had some injury issues (Stevan Ridley, Brandon Marshall), but for the most part, his draft was solid (Charles, Marshall, Morris, Luck, Roddy White and the late pickup of Kelvin Benjamin).  There's no doubt Merrill had a good team --- he scored the second most points in the league.

It seems that Merrill's biggest obstacle this season was just bad luck --- in the form of the Brothers Graham.  Jody beat Merrill in an 87-84 squeaker in week 9, and Kevin followed that up with an even narrower 60-59 victory in week 12.  If Merrill had gotten the win in either of those games, he would have gone to the playoffs and finished second.

So Jody, Kevin, think of this as a bit of ground glass you can put in Merrill's wounds and rub on it any time Merrill gets too annoying (of course he would never do that).

Air Apparent: 2014 was a typical season for Taylor, by which I mean that he put his team in a strong position to win --- winning 7 games in the first ten weeks --- and then fell off the face of the earth, losing FIVE straight before finally beating Merrill in week 16 in a game that both guys probably didn't care about.

It's no coincidence that Taylor's season took a nosedive right about the time that Andre Ellington and Jimmy Graham more or less gave up for the season.  Which is too bad, because Taylor had the foresight to draft Jeremy Hill in the 9th round --- it's a shame has wasn't able to profit from that pick.  Still, all seven of Taylor's regular-season losses were earned; unlike Merrill, Taylor never lost a game by fewer than 5 points.

Whatever you might say about the half-dozen teams I've discussed so far, they all accomplished one feat that eluded the next two teams on the list: all of them outscored the league at least once during the season.

Psychotic Ninjas: Until this very minute, it was a mystery to me why my season was so mediocre.  And actually, I was lucky to make it even to 7-7 after scoring the fourth-fewest points in the league.

But then I looked back at my draft, and I see the problem.  Montee Ball in the second round --- he was mediocre-to-bad even before he got injured --- then Percy Harvin, Shane Vereen and Michael Floyd with picks 4-6 left me scrambling all season long.  Of course I had the sense to draft C.J. Anderson in the 14th round --- but it didn't do me a lick of good until week 10, by which point I had dropped him.  Thanks, guys, for letting me pick him back up again!

The irony here is that while usually I do a terrible job of making trades, this season I made at least two trades which clearly worked out in my favor: Percy Harvin for Justin Forsett, and Michael Floyd and Jonas Gray for Mike Evans.  But as was the case with Jody, Merrill and Taylor, it was a case of too little, too late, and the Ninjas ended up missing the playoffs for just the second time in 8 years.

Hollow Graham's: That's the name I meant for Jody to use, by the way.  'Hollow Graham's', not 'HOLLOW Graham's'.  Not sure why he decided to post it in ALL CAPS, but whatever.  As mentioned elsewhere, the fact that the Graham's and Ninjas finished 5th and 6th means there is no past champion's curse.  Or, considering the fact that Pete and Aaron continued to stink up the joint, maybe it just means that the curse only lasts three years, and the Ninjas are immune?

Anyway, Jody actually had a pretty solid draft.  C.J. Spiller, Darren McFadden and Jonathan Dwyer were his only real clunkers.  Jody's problem was partly just bad luck: In week 14, he lost 71-70 to the eventual league doormat Strike Team.  If that game goes the other way, we'd be talking about the amazing worst-to-first season for the Hollow Graham's and I would be spending way too much time talking about how Jody will get the chance to exact his revenge on Aaron for making him play the 2013 season as Little Choo-Choo.  Ironic that while Aaron wasn't able to avoid last place, he at least managed to prevent Jody from getting the title.

Jody's other problem was that he had the Eagles' quarterbacks.  I didn't think Sanchez would actually be a step down from Foles, but hey, I've been wrong before (see Ball, Montee, drafting of in second round).

Suspended Atomnation: The worst thing you can do is end the season in last place.  The second worst thing you can do, in my opinion, is finish fourth.  Sure, Adam didn't win any money, but at least he also has a crappy draft position next year.  It's a shame, too, because Adam somehow overcame a mediocre draft to be a legit contender, scoring the third most points in the league.

He went with a Packer-heavy draft strategy --- how the hell did we all let Adam pick up Randall Cobb in the FOURTH round? --- and other than Rodgers, Lacy, Cobb, Greg Olsen and a late grab of DeAndre Hopkins, Adam's draft was a talent-free wasteland.  But he somehow managed to make things work just well enough to earn the crappy draft position and no money.  Well done, Adam.

The Leviathans: Levi would edge out Taylor for biggest late-season nosedive if not for the fact that he managed to finish in the money --- barely.

Consider this.  Through the first 9 weeks, Levi won 8 games and led the league in scoring with 727 points --- just shy of 81 points per game.  In the final 7 weeks (including playoffs), he managed only two wins and scored a total of 354 points --- just shy of 51 points per game.  The reason?  It mostly boils down to Peyton Manning and Julius Thomas.  Those two combined for 10 total TDs through the first 9 weeks.  They got two more in week 10, and that was it.  Levi basically didn't have a tight end through the last half of the season (Larry Donnell started strong, had three good games in weeks 9-11, and then disappeared), and of course we all know that Peyton steadily ran out of steam after week 12.

Surprisingly, Levi also managed only a single weekly win.  But he captured third place, which is something.

~ AirMex ~: The bad news is, all of Mex's previous TTFFL seasons have been lost to history.  The good news is that this season will be preserved, at least as long as this league lives on ESPN.  And this season was truly remarkable.

During the 14-week regular season, Mex won 9 games and lost 5.  What's remarkable is that his five losses were all in a row, and were followed by NINE consecutive wins (including the first round of the playoffs).  Even more remarkable was that win or lose, Mex was never really in a close game during the regular season.  He never won a game by fewer than 7 points, and never lost by fewer than FOURTEEN.

So of course, he won his first-round playoff game by 2 in a squeaker.  What the hell?

Mex had a decent draft.  Doug Martin, Trent Richardson and RG3 were busts, but somehow we let T.Y. Hilton slide all the way down to Mex in the SIXTH ROUND.  Guys, we need to step up our game in the draft next year!  Mostly it seems that he was very efficient with his points.  He scored the fourth-most points in the league, and he saved them up and didn't really start using them until week 7.  And, uh, he just kind of ran out of them by the time he got to the playoffs.

And unofficially, we the league record for most consecutive wins is still 9, as Mex ties the 2012 Ninjas squad (the Ninjas still hold the regular season winning streak record though).

Which brings us to the 2014 champions:

Los Diablos: Los Diablos didn't score the most points in the league.  In fact, they came in seventh, sandwiched in-between Screaming Eagles and Air Apparent.  They had a good draft, but not an outstanding one.  They had an excellent start with Matt Forte, Dez Bryant and DeMarco Murray, and had a couple of other good picks in Philip Rivers and DeSean Jackson.  But they had clunkers too, in Keenan Allen, Darren Sproles, Dennis Pitta and Riley Cooper.

They even endured a 4-game losing streak, standing at 4-6 through 10 weeks.  They took the title because, as so often is the case, they got hot at the right time (and they had a bit of luck).

The turning point for the champs was their 37-36 victory over then league-leader Leviathans.  If Levi had started Lamar Miller over Andre Williams that week, I'd be talking about the Hollow Graham's right now (how does that ground glass feel, Jody?).

After that win, Los Diablos had a pretty easy time of it against --- um, Jody --- then Aaron, Pete, Levi again, and finally Mex for the title.  Those clowns in the playoffs could have presented Kubicek with a bit more of a challenge, but they didn't, and now everything has gone to hell.

Sorry about that.  I worked really hard to set that up; I HAD to cash it in.

And so another TTFFL season goes into the books.  Enjoy the rest of the playoffs and the Super Bowl, and I'll being getting in touch with you on July 5!