Week 12 Update

Here are the current standings, corrected using our tiebreaking algorithm:

1. Leviathans (8-4)
2. Screaming Eagles (8-4)
3. ~ AirMatt ~ (7-5)
4. Air Apparent (7-5)
5. Merrill's Marauders (7-5)
6. Orion River Horses (7-5)
7. Suspended Atomnation (6-6)
8. Golden Grahams (5-7)
9. Team Harbaughs (5-7)
10. Los Diablos (5-7)
11. Strike Team (4-8)
12. Psychotic Ninjas (3-9)

Now see, normally I might spend some time talking about how things got to this state, and talking about what needs to happen next week for this or that team to make the playoffs, clinch a first-round bye, etc.

BUT --- I have no idea what any individual team needs to do to improve their standing next week, other than to win by as many points as possible, because there are approximately 517,422,312 different possible outcomes to analyze.  So I won't be doing any of that (many, if not most of you, might see that as a win).

Levi and Jason have clinched a playoff spot, since neither of them can finish lower than the #6 seed.  Beyond that, I expect it's possible that Adam could knock out any of Matt, Taylor, Merril or Pete with a win.

Another surprising twist in the season: thanks to their record-tying 9-game losing streak to start the season, the Ninjas have 'clinched' a first-round bye into the bottom playoff bracket, despite holding the league's longest current winning streak.

Finally, if the Ninjas manage to win a fourth straight next week, and Levi and Jason lose, then there will only be a 4-game spread between first place and last place (from 8-5 to 4-9), which would certainly be something of a surprise considering how the season started.

As a parting gift, here's a photo showing my work where I figured out the #3 through #6 seeds.  I believe the only error is that I thought I was resolving the #2 through #5 seeds.  I just want to thank Kubicek again for introducing this rule.

Week 11 Update

So . . . I had a plan for a really funny post, acting like the season is only 2 weeks old and how the Ninjas are the best team in the league over that 2-week span.  But I'm going to spare you from that, because as it happens, Taylor emailed this week asking questions about playoff seeding and how this confusing new rule works.  So I thought I would take advantage of the three sets of 3-way ties we currently have to walk through how this rule works.

So you can thank Taylor for rescuing you from more of my 'wit'.  Also, it turns out that the Ninjas aren't the best team over the past 2 weeks anyway.  They're third.  The best team over the past 2 weeks is --- Taylor.  So there's another reason for you to thank him.

Anyway, I sat down, poured myself a good, stiff drink, and re-read the new seeding rule.  And it made me want to cry.  So I went to bed, got a good night's sleep, woke up this morning, and poured myself another good, stiff drink, and then another, and then I read the rule again.  And then I poured myself another good, stiff drink.  And now I welfare spoon tickle the glyph mountain wastebasket grlgyff fip fop nippy norp gibble. . . . .

(Time passes)

Crap.  Who left this big puddle of drool on my keyboard?  Well, anyway, here are the current standings, based on the seeding rules:

1. Screaming Eagles (8-3)
2. ~ AirMatt ~ (7-4)
3. Air Apparent (7-4)
4. Leviathans (7-4)
5. Suspended Atomnation (6-5)
6. Merrill's Marauders (6-5)
7. Orion River Horses (6-5)
8. Team Harbaughs (5-6)
9. Los Diablos (4-7)
10. Strike Team (4-7)
11. Golden Graham's (4-7)
12. Psychotic Ninjas (2-9)

You might notice that the seeds shown here differ a bit from those shown at the league site.  This is because of the seeding rule.  Unfortunately, we don't currently see any of the complexities of this rule, for two reasons.  First, at this point in the season, every team has played every other team exactly once.  Things get more complicated over the final two weeks, when everyone will play rematches of the first two weeks.  And second, all three of our current ties get broken in the same way.

For example, consider the three 7-win teams.  As it happens, Matt has defeated both Taylor and Levi, so he claims the #2 seed.  Taylor has beaten Levi, so he gets the #3 seed, leaving Levi at #4.

Similarly with the 6-win teams, Adam has beaten Pete and Merrill, and Merrill has beaten Pete.  So Adam is #5, Merrill is #6 and Pete is #7.

And finally, Kubicek beat Aaron and Kevin, and Aaron beat Kevin, which explains why Kubicek, Aaron and Kevin take seeds #9, #10 and #11, respectively.

At the end of the season, it will more likely be the case that if there is a 3-way (or 4-way) tie, those teams will not have played each other an equal number of games, in which case we fall back to giving the higher seed to the team with the most points on the season.

It's worth pointing out that the Psychotic Ninjas, still comfortably in last place, really ARE one of only three undefeated teams the past two weeks.  Yes, it seems as though the Ninjas are finally turning the corner, and should be a formidable contender for the title sometime during the 2021 season.

Week 7 Update

The time has come.  We are a bit more than halfway through the season, and it's time to take a look at where everyone stands.  Much to my chagrin, the Trumbores ARE at the top of the league --- but as expected, they're well on their way to blowing it.

NOTE: This might not be the correct week 7 order, because I'm writing it before the final Monday night game of the week.  Apologies to anyone showing up lower on the list than they deserve.

1. Leviathans - Levi is absolutely crushing the league in terms of points scored, sitting at 514 points going into this weekend.  He's broken the 80-point threshold 4 times, and was the high-point scorer for three consecutive weeks.  However, he's run into some bad luck in the past week, with Aaron Rodgers going out for the year (which made Jordy Nelson ineffective also, for this week at least), and Leonard Fournette going out for --- a while, anyway.  Despite all of this high scoring, he's about to fall into a 4-way tie for first place at 5-2.  But the good news is that with all of those points, he probably only needs to score two more victories to lock up a playoff spot, and another 4 victories is likely to secure a first-round bye.
2. Suspended Atomnation - Our defending champ got off to a rocky start, sitting at 1-2 after the first 3 weeks.  But he's now riding a 4-game winning streak, thanks in large measure to his opportunistic pickup of DeShaun Watson after week 3.  Would you believe the Houston rookie is the #1 fantasy QB right now?  Neither would I.  Adam is also getting help from Chris Thompson, another unlikely stud.  Adding these two breakout players to his lineup also leaves Adam in strong contention for the playoffs and a first-round bye.
3. Team Harbaughs - We see a significant dropoff in points scored between the #1 Leviathans and #2 Atomnation, and another significant dropoff between Atomnation and Team Harbaughs. Jody has notched 5 wins more by luck than by having any real stars on his roster, but as we all know, sometimes that's all it takes.  But, while he's currently part of a 4-way tie for first, he's probably equally likely to miss the playoffs as make them.
4. Orion River Horses - See Harbaughs, Team.  Hell, going into this week, Team Harbaughs and Orion River Horses had scored practically the same number of points: 359.7 to 358.7.  And while Pete has scored a couple of reasonable victories, he has also lucked into a 54-44 win and a 46-34 win.  Jody and Pete will be two of the teams helping to keep the playoff picture cloudy right through the end of the season.
5. Air Apparent - The former Polly Prissy Pants is driving toward a 7-6 final record in a very predictable way.  Taylor has notched wins in weeks 1, 3, 5 and 7, and losses in the even-numbered weeks.  Kind of appropriate, considering that Taylor's second strongest player (after Antonio Brown), is Ezekiel Elliott, who is having his own on-again, off-again season.  Will he be suspended, or won't he?  Given Taylor's usual luck, and the fact that Elliott appears to finally be heating up after a slow start, it seems likely that the suspension will go into effect just in time for Taylor to lose in the first round of the playoffs.
6. Screaming Eagles - Taylor, Jason and Merrill --- the three teams which should all be 4-3 at the end of the week --- had all scored roughly the same number of points coming into the week, with Taylor leading the way at 384.1, and Merrill bringing up the rear at 382.3.  Jason has some stars on his team, including Kirk Cousins, Jordan Howard, and Davante Adams (though the Rodgers injury might spell the end of his usefulness), and if Jay Ajayi could remember how to run for 200+ yards again, Jason might make things interesting.
7. Merrill's Marauders - The Marauders started slow --- just like some of their players, like Cam Newton and LeVeon Bell.  They're still not exactly a good team, scoring more than 56 points only twice on the season (so far), and like the four teams above them on this list, they will likely be fighting for a playoff spot right up to the end.
8. Los Diablos - Every year, we see that points scored don't always match up with a team's won-lost record.  This year's Los Diablos team is an example of this, with the 3rd-most points scored going into the weekend, but only a pair of victories (and riding a 4-game losing streak to boot).  This week's victory over Strike Team has stopped the bleeding for now, but Kubicek needs his Saints (Brees and Ingram) to step up their games, as well as needing Julio to find the end zone more than once every 7 games.  Otherwise, he'll find himself fighting to stay out of the Toilet Bowl at the end of the year.
9. AirMatt has scored the 4th-most points this season, but is still about to collect his 4th loss of the year.  Part of this is due to his failure to notice that this league starts TWO RBs each week (strangely enough, both of the other leagues he plays in only require ONE starting RB), and part of it is due to injuries (Stefon Diggs, DeMarco Murray).  Will his W-L record eventually catch up with his scoring to put him in the playoffs, or will he continue to underperform in the W-L column to end up in the consolation bracket?
10. Golden Graham's has the same 3-4 record as Paul and Matt, but with about 70 fewer points scored --- second-fewest in the league.  His roster consists of pretty much the surprising Alex Smith, the perennial stud Gronk, and not much else.  In short, the Graham's are what we thought they were, and we never thought very much of them.
11. Strike Team Started off poor and has gotten worse just about every single week.  They've scored the third-fewest points in the league, and it's not surprising, considering their roster has only mid-level starters Devonta Freeman and Michael Crabtree, and a bunch of replacement-level guys.  In fact, there's every reason to believe that this year's Toilet Bowl will be played between Strike Team and the only team pitiful enough for them to beat . . .
12. Psychotic Ninjas Everyone may recall that earlier this year, I sent out a league update because I was asked to.  And a lot of folks got irritated that I didn't discuss my own team, so I won't make that mistake again.  As noted above, sometimes a team's record doesn't match up with the number of points that team scored, but in the Ninjas' case, they line up perfectly.  The Ninjas have scored the fewest points in the league thus far, and they have the 0-7 record you would expect.  Their roster is a who's-who of busts and disappointments.  I did manage to pick up the #3 DST and the #1 kicker off waivers (and those rankings are likely to remain high after this week), but other than Travis Kelce (the #4 tight end with a whopping 32 points scored over 6 games) and Mike Evans (the #14 WR), NONE of the players I drafted rank higher than TWENTIETH. It really is a spectacular collection of misery.

The Ninjas' 0-7 start to the season is so remarkable, I had to go back into the archives to see whether an 0-7 start had ever occurred before in league history, and I was surprised to discover that it has actually happened quite often (hasn't it, Kubicek?).

In the 'modern era', two teams have started the TTFFL season 0-6, those being the 2014 Strike Team (who got their first victory in week 7 over the Golden Graham's), and 2016 Screaming Eagles (who beat Merrill in week 7, unlike this year).

One team --- other than the 2017 Ninjas --- has started 0-7, that being the 2011 Los Diablos.  Ironically, they scored their first victory that year against the Ninjas in week 8.  The Orion River Horses get honorable mention in this category, as their 2010 squad started the year with seven winless weeks, including a tie (against --- you guessed it, the Ninjas again) in week 6.

One team has managed to start the season with EIGHT consecutive losses.  That would be the 2013 Los Diablos squad, which was winless until their week 9 matchup against the Screaming Eagles.

But at the moment, the record for futility at the start of the season belongs to none other than last year's Strike Team squad, which lost NINE GAMES IN A ROW before claiming their first victory in week 10 against the River Horses.

Will the Ninjas match or exceed Strike Team's record for futility?  Will they avoid last place, or even the Toilet Bowl?  It's difficult to see how they'll manage even one victory on the season, but anything is possible.  They actually scored the second-most points in the league in week 6, when they just happened to be matched up against Merrill, the high-point scorer for the week.  Certainly a single victory seems more likely than 9 more losses, but I've been playing fantasy long enough to know never to say never.

Correction

In the past 24 hours, I have posted league updates for both the Battlin' Sweethearts league, as well as the TrashTalking FFL.  A small number of owners have been courteous enough to point out an inadvertent omission on my part.  Due to an oversight, one of the teams was excluded from the league update.

I want to apologize to the owner of the overlooked team, and provide an appropriate update on the status of that team.  That team is the Psychotic Ninjas, and they were overlooked BECAUSE THEY SUCK, THAT'S WHY, OKAY?!?  GOOD LORD DOES THIS TEAM EVER SUCK!!!!!

And, and, and . . . it's not just limited to these two leagues.  Oh, no.  I'm playing in four leagues this year, and right now, my standing in those four leagues is LAST, LAST, LAST, and SEVENTH.  The 'seventh' league is the only league where I've won a game (two of them, in fact), and one of those victories only happened because I was playing against a guy who went to auto-draft after about round 5 and ending up drafting EIGHT RBs in a league where you only need to start ONE.

(The other victory was this weekend against Matt, and it was totally sweet, but I know no one is interested in hearing about that right now).

You want interesting facts about the Ninjas?  Fine.  Here are interesting facts about the Ninjas.  Not only am I in last place in three leagues, I'm also the only team without a victory in all of those leagues.  In TTFFL, EVERY SINGLE PLAYER ON MY ROSTER falls outside the top 10 at their position, except for my KICKER.  I've had a total of SIX players out of 54 score in double-digits all season long.

And that's NOTHING compared to the unmitigated sorrow that is my Battlin' Sweethearts team.  I started David Johnson and Danny Woodhead week 1 --- losing both of them to injury, of course --- while I had the league-leading RB Kareem Hunt on my bench.  But despite starting Hunt in weeks 2 and 3, I STILL have the lowest-scoring team in the league.  And as a bonus, through exceptional roster managment, I managed to drop Hunter Henry --- not just bench him, but DROP him --- during the only week he had ANY targets.  And of course, for that one week, he went off, catching 7 balls for 80 yards.  But that's okay, because I started him week 1 and week 3, when Philip Rivers never even threw him the damn ball.

So, you know, that's how it's going with the Psychotic Ninjas.  Once again, management apologizes for the oversight, and any inconvenience or confusion it might have caused.

There's No Accounting for Taste

For reasons which only he can comprehend, Kubicek has asked me to provide an update on the state of the league.  I mean, week 3 isn't even in the books yet, but whatever . . . .

1. Los Diablos - Okay, I get it now.  The Diablos are leasing the league, at least until the Cowboys/Cardinals game ends, at which point Los Diablos are likely to taste defeat for the first time this season.  They had a meh week 1 and walloped Air Matt fairly decisively before probably falling in week 3.  In fact, the most impressive thing about the Diablos season so far is that they're likely to be one of the few teams to start Todd Gurley in week 3 yet still lose their game.
2. Orion River Horses - Will probably hold on to remain the league's sole unbeaten team at the end of the week.  As usual, the River Horses haven't been particularly impressive; rather they've just faced weak opposition, notching a 58.2 - 44.9 victory over Jody before likely beating his hapless brother Kevin in with a mediocre score in week 3.
3. Air Matt - Matt started out his participation in TTFFL in convincing fashion in week 1, outscoring the next highest-scoring team in the league by more than 13 points.  He has since fallen into mediocrity, though, falling to the league-leading Diablos during their one high-scoring week in week 2, and well on his way to losing to the hapless Eagles by more than 30 points this week.
4. Suspended Atomnation - Our defending champion has been all over the map in this short season, scoring only 50.2 points in a week 1 loss to the Leviathans before more than doubling that total to whip up on Merrill in week 2.  He's currently getting his ass handed to him in his week 3 matchup against Team Harbaughs, but that might be due to the fact that he has 3 Cowboys left to play (or maybe not --- Dallas looks like crap so far).
5. Strike Team - Meh.  He was unfortunate enough to run into the Air Matt buzzsaw week 1, fortunate enough to pick up a win in week 2, and unfortunate enough to suck so badly in week 3 that he's about to lose to Merrill.  Only two of Aaron's players --- in his starting lineup OR on his bench --- managed to score more than 10 points this week (and only three of them managed to score more than SIX).  Yuck.
6. Leviathans - Oh crap.  With strong performances in weeks 1 and 3, Levi is likely to move into second place overall at the end of this week, meaning that we'll have Trumbores in BOTH of the top two positions.  And do any of us really want to live in a world where that's possible?
7. Golden Graham's - Kevin is having a very Kevin-y sort of a season.  He came into this week 1-1, and is going to lose to an otherwise very beatable River Horses team, because Tom Brady had an epic game which contributed more than half of Pete's 67.3 points this week.
8. Air Apparent - Speaking of typical seasons, Taylor is underperforming as usual.  Despite having Zeke Elliott AND Antonio Brown on his team, he's still just 1-1 coming into the week, and looks like he'll just barely sneak past Kubicek this week to get into the mix for second place.  Or maybe not.
9. Screaming Eagles - And continuing the pattern of typical seasons, Jason somehow managed to come out of the draft with few players most of us would recognize as studs, and those few studs he has (Ajayi, Howard --- and Cousins?  Maybe?) have underperformed).  And yet, he looks poised to collect his second win on the season, catching Levi and Air Matt on down weeks.
10. Team Harbaughs - Despite scoring almost no points, Jody is on the cusp of notching his second win of the season, mostly because the Cowboys (and thus Adam) are sucking so very, very badly right now.
11. Merrill - His team sucks.  Dear Lord, does it suck.  He's not even averaging 47 points per game, and his best player (LeVeon Bell) came into the week ranked 37th overall.  In spite of his exaggerated quantities of sucking, he's about to taste victory for the first time this season, because for one week, Aaron sucked more.

And --- that pretty much covers it for week 1 in the TTFFL.  I hope you enjoyed it, Kubicek!  Just don't expect me to whip out a league update on demand every week!

2016 End of Year Accounting

Let's start with the most important stuff: next year's draft order:

1. Golden Graham's
2. Merrill's Marauders
3. The Fightin' Taylors
4. Los Diablos
5. Strike Team
6. Orion River Horses
7. Screaming Eagles
8. The Splendiferous Fartbastards (or whatever Adam names Levi's team)
9. ~ AirMex ~
10. Psychotic Ninjas
11. Team Harbaughs
12. Suspended Atomnation

With that out of the way, this is how the accounting shakes out:

Adam: Gets $300 for winning the title, plus another $30 for winning weeks 1 and 12.  After subtracting off next year's dues, that's a net $270. (Check sent out 02/11/2017)

Jody: Gets $120 for his second place finish, plus another $30 for winning weeks 6 and 15.  After subtracting next year's dues, Jody wins $90. (Check sent out 01/18/2017)

Ninjas: Wins $60 for 3rd place, plus a hefty $75 for winning weeks 3, 9, 10, 11 and 16.  Really, just two sacks or one damn turnover from the Vikings DST in week 15, and I would have won this damn thing.  Not that I'm bitter.  After deducting $60 for next year, I net $75.

Mex: Not a damn thing.

Golden Graham's: $15 credit toward 2017 dues for winning week 4.

Merrill: Not a damn thing. But luckily for him, his wife agreed to pay his 2017 TTFFL dues out of her Battlin' Sweethearts winnings, because she is good at fantasy football even though he sucks. 

Taylor: $15 credit toward 2017 dues for winning week 14.

Kubicek: $30 credit toward 2017 dues for winning weeks 2 and 5.

Aaron: $15 for winning week 14, plus $75 for finishing second in Battlin' Sweehearts, for a total of $90.  All $90 will go toward his combined $110 2017 dues for both leagues.

Pete: $15 credit toward 2017 for winning week 8.

Jason: $15 credit toward 2017 for winning week 7 (see below).

Levi: Not a damn thing.

One note about week 7.  If you look at the scoreboard, it appears that Adam and Jason tied for the highest score that week, with 86.1 points.  But this is only because (for some reason), although ESPN allows you to keep score down to the hundredth of a point, it rounds all points totals to the nearest tenth of a point.  If you sit down and do the math, Jason barely squeaks out the win with 86.12 points to Adam's 86.09.

You're welcome, Jason.

In the end, it looks like I need to send checks out to Adam and Jody.  If you guys will email me your addresses, I'll get those checks out ASAP.

Scoring Records Update for 2016

You may recall that several weeks back, I did an analysis of total points scored in the modern TTFFL.  Well, since I'm currently sitting at my sister-in-law's house in Virginia with nothing to do, I thought I'd update that analysis now that the 2016 season has concluded.  Here we see the point totals for the past 7 TTFFL seasons, with all point totals prior to 2016 adjusted upward by 56 points to adjust for the scoring change which occurred in 2016:

	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015	2016
Aaron	1014	1122	1044	1029	924	1238	948.7
Adam	1110	1072	1028	1209	1102	1100	1236.6
Dave	1184	1097	1128	1273	1011	1090	1325.7
Jason	1037	1012	1148	1241	1065	852	1045.9
Jody	1164	1229	1077	893	1074	1073	1143.4
Kevin	951	1020	953	1163	1003	1220	1172.2
Levi	N/A	1059	1151	1115	1137	1059	809.6
Merrill	1142	1001	1037	1060	1112	1172	961.5
Mex	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	1092	1125	1150.3
Paul	1127	1089	1084	915	1070	972	1070.6
Pete	1147	1005	947	935	960	1047	1004.1
Taylor	897	1279	1175	1125	1046	985	1115.5

Recall that each season's champion is marked in bold, while the high-scorer for the season is marked in italics.

One thing worth noting here is that 2016 was a historic season in a couple of ways.  For one thing, Levi's season was historically bad.  His 809.6 points --- barely more than 50 per game --- was the lowest in the history of the league, and only the fourth time a team failed to break the 900-point barrier in a season.  It was so bad, in fact, that even if you throw out the 56-point score adjustment for seasons prior to 2016, it still just barely ranks as the second-worst season of the modern era, just ahead of Jason's (non-adjusted) 796 point in 2015.  A splendid display of inertia.

Of course, the thing everyone SHOULD be marveling at and admiring is the amazingly high point total the Amazing Psychotic Ninjas tallied, besting the previous record of 1279 adjusted points Taylor put up in 2011!  Way to go, Ninjas!  It's not a title, of course, but it's still something worth bragging about!! Woo-hoo!  Are those Ninjas something or what?!?  I'm sure they're the heavy favorite to take home the title next year!!!!!ONE!

Apparently No One Will Beat Adam

This was my favorite of all the images which popped up when I Googled 'Suspended Atomnation'

One thing you can say about Adam: he knows when to turn it on.

Out of 16 games played this season, Adam scored 70 points or more in all but 5 of them.  Two of those 5 were his two losses (against YEC in week 6 and Diablos in week 13), two of those were wins against pathetic teams (Trumbore the Younger in week 5 and Trumbore the Elder in week 11), and the last was his week 14 bye.

Week 14 was especially egregious.  That was the week Adam scored a whopping 36.4 points, once again only outscoring the Trumbores.

(By the way, what's up with the Trumbores?  I know they live in Michigan --- are they anywhere near Flint?  Can they blame their crappy 2016 seasons on the water?  Someone help me out here).

ANYWAY --- the point is that Suspended Atomnation shined when it mattered, outscoring nearly every team in the league (any guesses about the TOP scorer championship week?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?) on his way to his first TTFFL title.

His reward?  Other than the $300 first prize and the last pick in next year's draft?  He gets to pick a name and avatar for Levi's team (there's the Trumbores sucking again), who let Jason off the hook in the Toilet Bowl, scoring a measly 31.8 points and leaving no doubt to his claim as worst team in the league.  Congratulations, Leviathans (insert embarrasing name here).

As predicted, Kevin prevailed over Merrill to grab the top pick next year.  And in the consolation matchup, Your Esteemed Commissioner (yes, it was me, okay?!?  *I* scored the most points in championship week, for all the good it did me, what with not being in the championship.  Thanks for rubbing it in!) overcame lackluster play from Rob Kelley and Malcolm Mitchell to grab 3rd place, and the $60 and 10th overall pick that come with it.

I swear, this playoff season has been so frustrating.  What's the point in being a dominant team during the regular season and scoring the most points in the league if you're just going to get turfed out of the playoffs?  Screw that, I'm not ever doing that again.  I'm going back to sneaking into the playoffs with a 6-7-1 record and scoring a pair of improbable upsets to claim the title.  That's WAY more fun.

Look for the usual breakdown of accounting sometime in the next week or so, followed by the usual season in review.  Until then, congratulations again to Adam, and have a happy new year!

Will Jody Please Beat Adam?

No, actually I don't care any more.

This post is going up a bit later than planned, and many of you may think the reason is that I spent all day yesterday sitting around sulking about my semifinals loss.  I wish.  Don't get me wrong; it's been a quite annoying season --- in THREE LEAGUES I was dominant all season, racking up double-digit victories and scoring the most points.  Then in both Battlin' Sweethearts and TTFFL, I lose my first playoff game.

(I actually won the title in the other league I dominated.  And I was in a fourth league where I finished only 7-6, and lost my first playoff game again.  Thanks for asking.)

At least in Battlin' Sweethearts, I got my ass well and truly kicked.  It was far more frustrating here, to get close but not get the cigar.  So I did *some* sulking about the losses, but that's not why I'm a day late posting.  No, sadly, the reason you got radio silence from me yesterday is that I got a flat tire driving home from work, and so I spent 5 lovely hours sitting around a garage sulking about my bad luck trying to get service on my car at 4:30 on a weekday afternoon without an appointment.  It was both a joy and a thrill.

However, I'm sure the only thing you enjoy hearing less than me bitching about my team is the tires on my car.  So instead of discussing that, I'll talk about the teams who are still IN the playoffs.  Oh heck, I'll talk about all of the playoff matchups.

As noted in the title, Team Harbaughs snuck into the finals, and will have the last shot at defeating Adam this season.  Since I no longer have a chance to win the title, I don't care whether Adam wins or loses, other than the fact that the mere existence of his team has been a thorn in my side all season.  That and, oh yeah, if I had gotten the #1 seed I truly deserved, then I would have played the hapless Mex in the semifinals, so I WOULD be in the finals now.  So go to it, Jody!   Rip him a new one!  Make him sorry he'd ever won 11 games in the regular season!

The consolation matchup, of course, features that gracious competitor the Psychotic Ninjas against the hapless Mex.  Given the way my season is turning out, I expect that next week I shall outscore absolutely everyone in the league EXCEPT Mex, who will club me to death in a 123-122.9 slugfest.

Moving on, the battle for next year's top pick is a good one, the 98th matchup this season (or so it seems) between Merrill and Kevin.  Obviously there are bragging rights on the line, but this is a rivalry that will live on into 2017, when Kevin and Merrill can take turns sniping each other in the draft, regardless the outcome of this playoff game.

Polly Prissy Pants will fight Los Diablos for the third overall pick next year, with similar sniping implications.

Things start to get interesting when rounding out the final four --- or I suppose I should say the 'bottom four'.  Aaron defeated Levi to avoid a first-to-worst slide, which is kind of a shame.  His worst-to-first performance from 2014 to 2015 is the stuff of legend; dropping back to the bottom in 2016 would have been a feat for the ages.

To be honest, I was really hoping for an all-Trumbore Toilet Bowl matchup.  Not only would have been a nice family theme for the holidays, but it would have been doubly amusing to see both Pete and Levi fall to the two worst teams in the league.  Unfortunately, Pete managed to win his semifinal matchup, so Levi will be the only Trumbore in the Toilet Bowl, going up against the Stinking Screaming Eagles.

After next week's championship festivities, there will of course be the usual folderol and nonsense, and efforts on my part to pay money to some of you.  But until then, have a happy holiday season, and best wishes to all in their games this weekend.

DST Scoring question

There was a question this week about scoring in the Atlanta/Kansas City game.  Two questions, actually.

The first concerns a KC fake punt on 4th-and-1 from their own 45-yard line in the 3rd quarter.  Long-snapper James Winchester snapped the ball directly to punt protector Albert Wilson, who proceeded to take the ball 55 yards for a touchdown.

The second concerns the game-sealing pick-two runback of a two-point conversion try by Eric Berry near the end of the game.

For both of these plays, the question is: how many points should the Chiefs DST get, and did ESPN score the plays correctly?

First, the fake punt.  The correct scoring for this play is that the DST should get 0 points, and ESPN scored it correctly.  The reasoning is that a fake punt or fake field goal is no different from a team deciding to go for it on fourth down.  In fact, when a team decides to run a fake punt/fake field goal, they have *clearly* decided to go for it on fourth down --- they're just hiding that fact from their opponent.  So even though the punting unit is on the field, scoring a TD on a fake punt (or fake field goal) is no different from the QB throwing a TD on fourth down.  It's still properly scored as points for the offense, not the DST.

(Things get complicated if there's ever a fumble on a punt, or a blocked field goal.  If there's ever a change of possession, then for fantasy purposes BOTH teams are considered DST --- even if Drew Brees throws an interception, and the intercepting player fumbles, and then a Saints WR picks up the fumble and returns it for a score.  In such a scenario, that's scored as a TD for the Saints DST [and the Saints WR, of course], even though their offense is on the field.  The same principle applies for blocked kicks/punts or fumbles of a punt/kickoff return.)

The case of the pick-two is a bit murkier.  Logic tells you that the DST should get 2 points for an interception, and 2 points for the conversion at the end of the return.  However, the NFL does not consider the 'interception' of a 2-point conversion try to be a real interception.  See Matt Ryan's stat line for the game from NFL.com:

The one interception listed here is from the pick-6 Berry returned earlier in the game.  So if the NFL doesn't count an interception of a 2-point conversion attempt as a 'real' interception, then neither does ESPN, and neither will we.

However, the KC DST DOES deserve an additional 2 points, since Berry returned the conversion attempt and scored 2 points for his team (Meachem Rule).  So I will add 2 points to the Chiefs DST for this week, and then I'll try to remember to adjust the league scoring so that such scores are automatically in the future.